u/Additional-Lie-5091

My husband ‘42M’ and I ‘42F’ have been married 23 years. I’m at a point where I don’t know how much longer I can handle this kind of stress. We had another argument tonight and he left. Almost every time we argue, he says he’s leaving or wants a divorce.

He says I nag too much. I’m not pretending I’m perfect. I get frustrated and lose my temper sometimes. I’m also a clean and organized person. Clutter and things being out of place stress me out, and I know my standards may be higher than his.

But I feel like my frustration comes from years of feeling like everything falls on me.
My husband works and I’m currently a stay-at-home mom. I cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, take care of the kids, handle appointments, pay all our bills, manage our budget and basically run the household. I don’t expect him to come home and cook or clean after working all day.

We can’t afford daycare and after-school care and don’t have anyone who can regularly help with the kids, which is why I stay home. I used to work, but even when I worked, I was still responsible for pretty much everything at home. When we were younger, I would work, go straight to university and sometimes get home around 10 PM to a messy house and still clean before bed.

One memory that really sticks with me was after I had a C-section. Our baby was hospitalized for a couple of weeks, so we took turns spending 24 hours at the hospital while the other stayed home with our other kids. He wasn’t working at the time.

I would come home from the hospital, while still recovering from major surgery, to a messy house and a sink full of dishes. The kids said he mostly played video games. He would get takeout instead of cooking, but I’d still end up cleaning and making simple meals for the kids. I remember worrying I was going to open my incision from doing too much.

That period really changed something in me because I felt like even when I physically needed someone to take care of me, I was still taking care of everyone else.
Even now, I try to do whatever I can myself. Today I put together furniture because I didn’t want to ask him to do it. What I ask him to handle are things like taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, cleaning up outside, unclogging sinks, fixing a door or other things I genuinely don’t know how to do.

I also want some help with the kids. If I’m cleaning the kitchen after dinner, I’d like him to give them baths or get them ready for bed instead of playing video games. He also loves to nap and naps pretty often. I don’t have a problem with him relaxing, playing games or taking a nap. What gets to me is feeling like he has opportunities to check out and relax while I’m still going. I want to be able to sit down and relax too.

There are financial issues as well. Even though I manage our finances, he has hidden things from me. He ran up about $12,000 on one credit card and I still don’t really know what it was spent on, plus another card with around $6,000. Now we’re paying both and I’m trying to make those payments work in our budget.

Lately his temper also seems much shorter. It’s not only with me. He gets angry when other people disagree with him or point out something he did wrong. Things escalate quickly. I get angry too and sometimes hold things in until I blow up, so I know I have things to work on as well.
But the biggest issue for me isn’t really the chores anymore.

Every argument turns into him threatening to leave or divorce me. He’s left our marriage twice before and there were other women involved, so when he walks out, I immediately wonder if he’s leaving me again.
We’re 41. I don’t want another 10 or 20 years of wondering if every argument will be the one where my husband leaves again.

I love him and don’t want a divorce. But I’m exhausted.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just learn to mow the lawn, fix things myself and stop expecting him to do anything besides work. But then I realize I’d still be carrying everything. I’d just stop asking for help.

Am I expecting too much? Is this really nagging? Or have I gotten so used to carrying everything that I’m questioning whether expecting some help from my husband is reasonable?

Just curious how other travel softball teams handle monthly dues and late payments.
My husband coaches a team, and right now we have parents send their monthly dues through Zelle or Venmo. Dues are due on the 1st of every month, but today is the 12th and we still have five players who haven’t paid.
It’s honestly getting really frustrating having to constantly message parents and remind them, especially when the due date is the same every month. Are dues around the same amount of other travel teams in our area. I would say maybe even less. The team still has fields, tournaments, insurance, organization fees, etc. that need to be paid whether parents pay on time or not.
How does your team handle this? Do you use an app or payment system that automatically sends reminders when dues are coming up or overdue? Do you charge late fees or have any kind of policy for players whose dues aren’t paid?
I’m seriously tired of having to chase people down every month for money they already know is due on the 1st. I’d love to hear what has worked for other teams.

Looking for opinions from travel softball coaches and parents with 16U experience.
For a 16U team where most of the girls are around 15, how much accountability do you think coaches should have when it comes to players putting in extra work outside of team practices?
Do you think coaches should require players to record themselves practicing or working out during the week and submit videos as a way of keeping them accountable?
Part of me feels like by 16U, part of player development is learning personal accountability. Coaches should absolutely give players guidance on what they need to work on and encourage them to get extra reps, but at this age, I also feel like players should be developing the discipline to put in the work because they want to improve, not simply because a coach is checking up on them.
I’m also curious how many days a week your 16U teams practice. We’ve found that weekday practices can be difficult for a lot of girls to consistently make because of school, homework, school activities, and other commitments.
How do you balance team practices with independent work at this age? Do you practice once or twice during the week plus weekends? And when players can’t make weekday practices, do you expect them to get their work in independently?
Just curious what other 16U teams are doing and what has worked well for you.

How do you handle a player who believes she’s carrying the team?
We’re a first-year 16U team. Our roster is a mix of girls who’ve been together for about a year and several newer players we recently added because we were low on numbers. We’re still building chemistry and learning how to play together.
Even though we’re not a Premier team, we’ve been playing against Premier-level competition, so we’re facing some very strong teams every weekend.
I have one player who, based on comments I’ve heard from teammates, believes she’s carrying the team and that the other players aren’t at her level. The problem is that her own performance hasn’t matched that attitude lately. She’s making mistakes, not giving full effort during games, and when she’s corrected, she’ll roll her eyes or show poor body language.
She already gets the majority of the playing time at her position. We recently added another player who also plays that position and is pretty good, so now there’s legitimate competition. I’m starting to wonder if that’s contributing to the change in attitude.
We’re not getting blown out either. Most of our losses have been close games against strong Premier teams, which tells me we’re competing. We just aren’t consistently playing our best as a team yet, and that’s understandable considering how new this group is.
I’ve also noticed that coaching this age group is different. The girls are older now, have stronger personalities, and sometimes bigger egos. Managing attitudes and team culture has become just as challenging as coaching the game itself.
I don’t want to crush her confidence because she’s talented, but I also don’t want this mindset affecting the team’s culture. I want our players to understand that no one wins games alone. Talent matters, but effort, accountability, and being a great teammate matter just as much.
For coaches who’ve dealt with a player like this, what did you do? Did you have a direct conversation? Did you let playing time reflect effort and attitude? How did you get the message across without losing the player?

I’m curious if this is common on other travel teams.
It seems like whenever a team loses, some parents and players immediately start blaming the coach, the lineup, or other players. But at what point do players look in the mirror? They’re the ones on the field. Sometimes a team loses because they didn’t hit, didn’t make routine plays, or simply weren’t locked in that day.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that when new players join, it can create tension. Is that just because players worry about losing playing time or their position?
What confuses me is that when a team barely has enough players to field a roster, some parents and players complain that there isn’t enough competition at their position to push them to improve. But then when the coach brings in another player to create competition and give the team more depth, they complain about that too.
Isn’t competition part of travel ball? I would think having someone pushing you for a position would motivate you to get better, while also giving the team protection if someone gets injured, is unavailable, or simply has an off day.
One last thing I’ve noticed is that many of these girls have goals of being elite players or playing at the highest levels, but I don’t always see the effort matching those goals. For many, softball seems to be limited to one or two team practices a week, with very little work outside of that. It makes me wonder if some families underestimate how much time and repetition it actually takes to become an All-Star-level athlete.

Have you seen this on your teams, or have you been part of programs where players actually embrace competition and hold themselves accountable?

Looking for fundraising ideas for a travel softball team!
We’re a 14U travel softball team moving up to 16U, and tournament fees are adding up fast. We’d love to hear what has actually worked for your team.

A few questions:
What fundraisers brought in the most money?
Has anyone had success getting local businesses to sponsor or donate?
If so, what did you offer them in return?

Looking for perspectives from both coaches and parents.
A player on a 16U softball team recently asked if she could play in a showcase tournament this weekend with another team. Her current team doesn’t have any games or tournaments scheduled this weekend, only practice.
The coaches are hesitant for a couple of reasons:
• The player is just coming back from an injury, and they are trying to manage her workload to avoid a setback.
• The team has several important tournaments and showcases coming up.
• The other organization has previously recruited players away from the team.
From a coach’s perspective, is it reasonable to say no?
From a parent’s perspective, if your daughter is healthy and wants extra reps and exposure, would you expect her to be allowed to play?
Curious to hear respectful opinions from both sides.

Need some advice from travel ball coaches.

We coach a 14U team and just came back from dark season/high school season. We lost two players right before summer ball started and are now sitting at 10 players. Recruiting has been rough, and we’re not getting many inquiries despite posting and hosting workouts.

We played our first friendlies this weekend and looked terrible. No energy, no communication, no chemistry. Routine errors in the infield, passive outfield play, and almost no offense. It honestly looked like a completely different team than the one we had before high school season.

The thing is, I know these girls are better than what they showed. It’s not a talent issue. It feels more like a confidence, chemistry, and effort issue.

Has anyone gone through this after high school season? Did your team eventually bounce back?

What did you do to rebuild team culture, communication, and energy? And if you’re struggling to recruit and carrying a small roster, when do you decide to keep fighting through it versus folding the team or helping families find another situation?

Just looking for some perspective because coaching and managing a travel team can feel overwhelming at times.

I’m struggling with the decision of whether to send my son to TK next year or wait and start kindergarten the following year. He turns 5 in April, has never been to school, and I’ve been a stay at home mom his whole life. He’s my last baby, so this one feels extra emotional for me. 🥺

He’s very attached to me and already says he doesn’t want to go to school. Our district’s TK schedule is Monday through Friday from 8am–2pm, which honestly feels like such a long day for a 4 year old.

I was a preschool teacher for years, so I feel confident teaching him at home and working on kindergarten readiness myself. He also has a wheat allergy, which adds another layer of worry for me.

For parents who had an April birthday child… did you do TK or wait for kindergarten? Do you regret your choice either way? I’d really love honest experiences and advice. 🤍