I (27M) found out my GF (23F) spoke to her ex and even arranged to meet behind my back.
Been with my girlfriend for about 1 year now. Early on she told me her ex was blocked and there was no contact between them. I believed her, had no reason not to.
Recently she told me that her ex from 2 years ago dm-ed her on her private account on IG which i found odd as I thought he was blocked, but she mentioned that he’s only blocked on her main. On the same night of letting me know he said hi, she told me that she would block him again and I left it as that.
Couple days later I had a gut feeling and went through her phone and found out that was a lie. There's been a whole conversation going on between them that she hid from me completely. The ex reached out to her, she engaged, and they actually arranged to meet a month later. What got me was that at no point in the entire conversation did she mention me- only the part where he mentioned “you guys broke off?” and she said “no”. He was clearly pursuing her saying things like "to see you, was this not obvious" and "you're still wrapped around" and she just... didn't shut it down.
When I confronted her, more stuff came out… She actually reached out to him by herself via discord a couple months back after having a dream about him. Claims she ended the conversation the same day but still did not mention to me at all. During the conversation she claimed that they only caught up on what’s going on with each of their lives, nothing else.
Her reason for wanting to meet him was closure. Their relationship ended badly: he broke up with her over text out of nowhere after moving abroad and she says it left her feeling really abandoned and she never got answers
She says she has no feelings for him anymore but the way she handled all of this doesn't really add up to that
I asked her straight up: if I hadn't found out, would you have gone to meet him without telling me? She said yes but would have told me eventually?
She cancelled the meeting in front of me when I asked her to and blocked him again.
I get that the way her last relationship ended was genuinely painful. Being left over text with no explanation is rough and I have some empathy for that. But the effort she put into hiding all of this; lying about the block, keeping the conversations secret, planning to meet him without telling me…that's not something that just happens accidentally.
What's messing with me the most is not knowing that she would have walked into that meeting and I would have had no idea. She did not flirt back in the message or reciprocated any romantic advances but neither did she reject them.
She seems genuinely remorseful right now and says she's willing to be fully transparent going forward. I want to believe that. But I'm sitting here wondering if I'm actually her choice or just what she has while she figures out whatever this is with him.
Honestly just want outside perspectives if trust actually be rebuilt from something like this or is the damage done and also if her reasoning make sense to you or does it feel off?