u/Adelobra_Samael

**TL;DR; : My long-distance relationship may be ending over distance, communication issues, and our differing timelines around having children.**.

I (31M) am currently pursuing my PhD in ICT at a university in Europe. I had to leave my girlfriend (31F) back in my home country because, due to her job and other reasons, it wasn’t possible for her to come with me. We’ve known each other for almost a decade, and we officially became a couple nearly two years ago, one of which has been long-distance for the reasons I already explained.

These past few months have been difficult. Between our workloads, the time difference, and other complications, our communication deteriorated a lot and we ended up having a pretty serious argument. Something I want to add is that before I moved abroad, we had already talked about getting married, and on my side I didn’t want to have children, even though she has always wanted them.

After this latest argument, I feel like we’re standing on a very thin line, and if we cross it, things may end completely. She told me that handling the distance has become very difficult for her and that she truly feels she wants to have children. As for me, although the last time we discussed it over chat I said I didn’t want kids, little by little my perspective had actually started to change. However, I didn’t want to tell her through a few lines of text — I wanted to say it in person, which I was planning to do this summer after finally being able to afford a flight to visit both her and my family.

I honestly don’t know what to do, what to say, or how to proceed, because she is practically on the verge of leaving. Even though we’ve talked a little and I told her that my idea of starting a family has been changing, it’s still not something that would happen in the immediate future. I know I can’t force her to stay, but losing her would hurt me deeply because, above all else, she is the most incredible person I know.

I (31M) am currently pursuing my PhD in ICT at a university in Europe. I had to leave my girlfriend (31F) back in my home country because, due to her job and other reasons, it wasn’t possible for her to come with me. We’ve known each other for almost a decade, and we officially became a couple nearly two years ago, one of which has been long-distance for the reasons I already explained.

These past few months have been difficult. Between our workloads, the time difference, and other complications, our communication deteriorated a lot and we ended up having a pretty serious argument. Something I want to add is that before I moved abroad, we had already talked about getting married, and on my side I didn’t want to have children, even though she has always wanted them.

After this latest argument, I feel like we’re standing on a very thin line, and if we cross it, things may end completely. She told me that handling the distance has become very difficult for her and that she truly feels she wants to have children. As for me, although the last time we discussed it over chat I said I didn’t want kids, little by little my perspective had actually started to change. However, I didn’t want to tell her through a few lines of text — I wanted to say it in person, which I was planning to do this summer after finally being able to afford a flight to visit both her and my family.

I honestly don’t know what to do, what to say, or how to proceed, because she is practically on the verge of leaving. Even though we’ve talked a little and I told her that my idea of starting a family has been changing, it’s still not something that would happen in the immediate future. I know I can’t force her to stay, but losing her would hurt me deeply because, above all else, she is the most incredible person I know.