I love my husband, but I’m tired of dragging him through adulthood
I’m starting to feel more like a mom than a wife, and I don’t know how to stop resenting it.
One example: for the past couple years, my husband and I have talked nonstop about upgrading our careers. He needs to update his portfolio, and I need to study more for technical interviews. We even made a plan to study together for 1 hour every day and set weekly goals.
The problem is that if I don’t initiate everything, it just doesn’t happen.
After work, I’m tired too, but I still try to push myself because I want us both to improve and then relax together afterward. But I always have to be the one to remind him, gather him, motivate him, check in on goals, etc. If I don’t, he’ll usually just play video games instead.
I’ve communicated this very clearly multiple times. He agrees with me, says he wants to change, gets motivated for maybe a day… and then it goes right back to the same thing.
What’s exhausting isn’t even the studying itself…. it’s feeling like I’m responsible for managing another adult’s motivation and future. It makes me feel like a parent instead of a partner.
Has anyone dealt with this dynamic before? How do you tell the difference between someone struggling with motivation vs. someone who simply won’t take responsibility for themselves? It’s exhausting!