NOW HIRING: GIRLFRIEND (Full-Time, Possibly Eternal)
Location: Los Angeles-ish
Compensation: Brunches, deep loyalty, emotional intelligence, handcrafted furniture, occasional cinematic monologues, and the kind of love that remembers how you take your coffee.
About the Position:
Independent restaurateur / former filmmaker seeks a sharp, soulful woman between 25–35 for a long-term collaborative role in romance, chaos management, and late-night philosophical conversations. Candidate should appreciate equal parts elegance and absurdity.
This is not a startup. This is a slow-burn art film with good lighting and excellent food.
About Me:
Tall order of contradictions.
Can discuss films one minute and commercial kitchen exhaust systems the next.
Spent 15 years chasing filmmaking dreams, survived it, and somehow came out more sincere instead of cynical.
Currently building a restaurant with my own hands because apparently emotional suffering wasn’t enough—I also wanted carpentry.
Strengths include:
Making spaces feel magical
Extreme loyalty
Unexpected humor
Good taste in music, films, lighting, and table textures
Capable of turning breakfast into an event
Will absolutely build the table we eat dinner on
Weaknesses include:
Can disappear mentally while thinking about film titles for 3 hours
May romanticize rainy parking lots
Sometimes operates emotionally like a retired gangster with a poet’s heart
Might ask you if destiny is real at 1:14am
Ideal Candidate:
Emotionally intelligent
Can laugh during stressful moments
Understands that silence is sometimes intimacy, not distance
Can appreciate both luxury hotels and questionable taco stands
Does not require constant entertainment like an iPad toddler
Bonus points if you:
Love cafés and bookstores
Can tolerate ambitious people rebuilding themselves in real time
Understand the sacredness of a slow Sunday brunch
Look good stealing glances across a restaurant
Job Responsibilities:
Being my peace instead of my problem
Helping me decide whether a lamp is “warm and cinematic” or “serial killer basement”
Occasionally reminding me to sleep
Listening to dramatic story ideas that may or may not become Oscar-winning films
Existing beautifully in ordinary moments
Benefits:
You will never wonder whether you are cared for
Custom breakfasts
Real conversations
A man who still believes sincerity matters
Front-row seat to a life being built from scratch
Potential immortality in screenplay form
To Apply:
Please submit:
A sense of humor
A little patience
A little depth
And one irrational opinion you’re willing to defend passionately
References not required. Good energy is.