Struggling After Being Released from Hospital
Hello. Full disclosure, I was just released from the hospital after a failed suicide attempt. I slit both of my wrists and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder.
Prior to that, I attempted suicide three other times after quitting my job of five years due to policy changes. I don’t have money for food, don’t have a job and am considering stealing just to not starve. My credit is also ruined because I don’t have money to pay my credit cards and my roommate has asked me to move out when our lease ends in July because she’s traumatized due to my attempts. The truth is I’m tempted to attempt suicide again. I’m just afraid of failing again and being in a worse position than I am now.
I don’t have any motivation or desire to stay alive and the only reason I’ve lived for as long as I have (I’m 28) is because I can’t get medically euthanized. If I could I would’ve been dead since 2020. I even got ECT while I was in the hospital, which is basically like a treatment for depression where they simulate seizures. The results for ECT are usually quite positive but I unfortunately still want to die. The truth is, idk what would have to change in my life for me to want to live it. There’s so much suffering and pain in the world, not even just thinking about myself and things could just be so different.
Thanks for reading. Not to be dramatic but if I actually do commit suicide this weekend, this post will almost be like my suicide letter.