This is based on another post I made here about finding out that some things I believed were twisted or created by culture. Just was curious as to what you thought was a part of Islam, only to find out it wasn’t at all.
Salaam, I’ve been raised as Muslim and until now, I’ve blindly accepted what was presented to me by my family without properly thinking about it or questioning them just to find out that some of it could’ve been influenced by culture long back. I’ve started to question a few things like;
- Will fathers be held accountable and questioned for the sins of his female children until wed? which in my mind contradicts the part where everyone is held accountable for their own sins after puberty.
- Are females really not allowed to visit graves of the deceased even if she were to maintain proper conduct (2 of my grandparents passed away and it’s been told to me that it’s not allowed)
- Can we not cut our nails after sunset coz Shaitaan feeds on them? This is coz one of my very religious aunts refused to cut my bleeding toenail despite me crying out loud after I stubbed my toe as a child until my grandmother stepped in and did it for me.
I’m sorry but they were the only things I could think of at the moment but hopefully you’d understand what I’m trying to say. I don’t mean to say that I’m questioning things in any hateful way but in a way to get a better understanding of things and find out things that are truly from the religion. Any apps, links etc are more than welcome.
Jazakallah Khairan
Hi, so I’m the eldest (23F) of 3 siblings, where the others are Amy,18F and Lydia,13F. My bf, Zack, (22M) and I started our relationship 2 years ago and initially everything was amazing. He got along with everyone and I couldn’t have been happier since, to me, family means a lot.
But, recently I’ve noticed that he has significantly distanced himself from my youngest sibling and I’m not sure why. It got to the point where I flat out asked him last night if he didn’t like her to which he said “not now” and didn’t say anything else. To me, this sounded like a confirmation coz of some of the past events.
We’re currently studying abroad and was able to meet our families once throughout our course. So, during this time we usually hop on call with Amy and talk to her about stuff that goes around and also used to call with Lydia and play Roblox with her until we distanced.
Lydia was always labeled as the “problem child” due to how spoiled she is, how she gets away from consequences and from how bad her temper is. My parents kind of enabled it and now does anything to keep her happy in hopes that she would grow out of that phase (Ik, I’ve had this talk with them multiple times. Another sign that gentle parenting doesn’t work lol).
My bf took notice of these things and even heard horror stories of her antics from Amy which is why I think that he is maintaining distance from her. One day, he even said that she deserved her hair getting badly messed up by the salon for the way she acts and treats people around her and that rubbed me off in the wrong way ig. In my mind, Ik that I wouldn’t say anything like that about his siblings so it hurt me to know that he’d say something like that about mine. I’m very protective over them so when when I confronted him, he told me that he said it only coz he felt like he was a part of the family and that I’ve shown him where he truly stood in the family.
Ever since then, I noticed that he wouldn’t initiate or even agree to play Roblox with her and that even if he does, the same enthusiasm isn’t there. It’s been more than a year since it happened and it’s been the same. He interacts with everyone else normally but when it comes to her, he avoids it and shuts me down when I try to talk about it.
I get that she isn’t always that well behaved and has a lot of issues than a normal teenager. I’ve been parenting her and stepped in for my parents coz they honestly have given up on her at this point. But this distance between us and our family, makes a lot more harder for me to lecture her about right and wrong coz I know that back at home, she feels lonely and alone. She found comfort in playing with us and spending time with us to being confused as to why he doesn’t want to talk to her anymore. Ik all of this coz my mum fills me in about what all she does…about how she says she misses us, how she talks about having no one else to play with and asking about when we’d go back home. So far we haven’t been able to talk much or play at all coz her phone got taken away until she does well in school, timezones and scheduling.
I miss how things were coz idw her to feel like she was abandoned. Idw her to feel neglected, lonely or alone. She’s still a child despite having those issues and I don’t get how my bf can act like that without understanding any of it. I’m sorry for ranting about this, I got a bit emotional ig. Anyways, advice or anything is appreciated and I hope that I can make things better coz right now I can’t really stand how it is.