My mom mocked and laughed when she saw my Jirai clothes today
My Jirai haul came in today and my mom happened to walk by when I was trying on the clothes. She said I’m some sort of anime freak and dress crazy, telling me to sell off everything because I’d look ridiculous in them. I played it cool but later cried in my room for an hour straight.
I have been wearing Jirai on and off for a while now without my mom knowing. She’s a stereotypical Asian mom and has been ridiculing me my whole life, which led to a lot of self-image issues and ED. She even made fun of me for starting to go to the gym and gaining weight to a healthy range, telling me I look bulky, calling me a fat pig and showing me the worst photos of myself during that time to force me to lose weight, yet she then later started gym…
I struggle with depression and anxiety disorder, and I also don’t have any friends who live close to hang out with for pretty much all 4 years of college, but occasionally I still have my boyfriend. It’s such a bad environment altogether, but having Jirai as a hobby helped so much. The interaction just made me feel awful about myself. I want to give up on everything altogether. I don’t understand why my own mom is so mean to me about how I look, while seemingly everyone else’s mom is so supportive and kind to them regardless of how they choose to dress.
I was honestly so happy about my haul but it all went away in an instant. It’s so tiring being this way. I wish I can just not care about anyone’s opinion to protect the little happiness left in my life.