I actually screamed twice. Omg? Me screaming and sobbing a bit actually helped with the pain tho lowk. Im not traumatised at all, but i still dont want to start doing this myself, sooooo glad i went to a salon
My mother had BPD and Autism her whole life and I just realised the core anger I have with her is due to her relentless neglect. I mean yes, she did abuse me, but even when she was in a ‘good state’ (BPD splitting where she was temporarily convinced she loved me), it was like a boiling quilt in the summer. that itched as well.
She had such a fundamental lack of understanding what was going on with me at all times (im not autistic). She used to kiss me?? On the neck too like all the time. And on one memorable occasion, gave me an unwilling bath that I was too tired to protest for long. Idk, I had to leave the house for her to understand any of my signals. I was too afraid to scream or shout or express too strong dissent. And so, she kept smothering then leaving me alone for a week. We kept moving so she was my only long-lasting human contact.
It was so fucking lonely and there was this incompetent person who didnt understand me at all ( literally Id dislocate my shoulder slightly and tell her i need to go to the hospital and she’d be like “ehhhh, 🥺 are you sure it’s dislocated? I dont like hospitals yk”- Negotiating w me!! just so inappropriate in every situation.) she wouldnt feed me as a kid bc she wasnt convinced i was hungry. my hatred is endless, and ive been soo lonely and in a way touch starved for my entire childhood.