u/Advanced-Story-4894

Hi [girls name]

Firstly, I want to apologise for sending such a long message. I know it's unexpected, and it may even make you uncomfortable. If it does, I'm genuinely sorry. That was never my intention.

I promised myself that one day I would be completely honest with you, and before you leave, I didn't want to leave these feelings unspoken.

The truth is that I fell in love with you the very first day I saw you. Looking back, I know that probably sounds unbelievable, but it's honestly how I felt. As I got to know you better over time, those feelings never faded—they only grew stronger.

One of the reasons I didn't accept other companies offer was because I wanted to stay back and give myself a chance to know you better. Looking back, I know that sounds like something straight out of a movie, but it is the truth.

My intention was never to rush anything. I simply wanted to know you as a person and, if the time ever felt right, respectfully ask whether I could pursue you.

That's why I asked you to play badminton. I genuinely enjoyed those games because they gave me a chance to spend time with you outside of work.

During one of those games, you mentioned a YouTube channel of your friend. For reasons I still don't fully understand, my mind immediately convinced itself that maybe you were trying to tell me you were already interested in someone else. Looking back, I realise that was probably just my own overthinking, but at that moment I genuinely believed it.

I remember going home that day feeling ashamed of myself. I kept thinking that maybe I had unknowingly made you uncomfortable and that I should have simply asked instead of making assumptions. So I decided to step back because I never wanted to intrude into your personal life or make you uncomfortable.

But the truth is, I never stopped caring.

As time passed, I started wondering if I had simply overthought everything. I remember asking you once or twice whether you were seeing someone. When you told me you weren't, instead of believing your answer, I convinced myself that maybe you simply preferred to keep your personal life private. Looking back now, I realise that most of the confusion existed only inside my own head.

Eventually, I decided that enough was enough. I told myself that after the RTV project, I would stop making assumptions and simply ask you honestly whether I could pursue you.

Then life happened again.

Around that time, I happened to see you leaving with a colleague, and once again I let my assumptions take over instead of simply asking you.

A little later, I even went to the temple nearby and prayed for guidance because I genuinely didn't know what the right thing to do was.

While coming back from the temple, I happened to see you again, and coincidentally you were with the same colleague.

I remember feeling disappointed, and in that moment I told myself, "Maybe this is God's way of telling me to respectfully step back."

Looking back, I don't know whether it was a sign or simply another example of my own overthinking. But at the time, that's honestly what I believed, and it became another reason I chose to keep my feelings to myself rather than risk making you uncomfortable.

Months later, during a conversation over lunch at the office, I somehow ended up asking whether you were dating the colleague I had seen you with. I genuinely expected the answer to be "yes." When you told me "no," I wanted to believe you, but my mind had already convinced itself otherwise.

Instead, because you also mentioned that you had been in a relationship before—something I hadn't known earlier—my mind convinced itself that maybe you simply preferred to keep your personal life private. From that point on, I found myself caught between what you had told me and the assumptions I had already made. Even though I continued getting to know you and hoped that one day I'd honestly ask whether I could pursue you, a part of me was always confused. Looking back now, I realise I should have trusted your words instead of the story I had created in my own head.

After that, I made up my mind once again that I would ask you honestly after the RTV project.

But before I could, your nani passed away.

It didn't feel right to tell you any of this while you were grieving. I couldn't bring myself to add anything else to what you were already going through.

Later, I thought I would finally tell you before I left for another opportunity.

But life happened again—this time in my own life.

One thing after another happened personally, and I found myself stepping back from almost everything, including work for a while. During that time, I slowly found myself withdrawing from almost everyone. If at any point it felt like I was ignoring you or becoming distant, I want you to know that it was never intentional. I just wasn't in the right headspace to talk to anyone. You already know everything that has been happening in my life, and I found myself trying to take one day at a time. I still am.

That period taught me something important.

Life is too short to let fear, assumptions and overthinking make decisions for us.

So before you leave, I simply wanted to be honest with you.

I'm not writing this because I expect anything from you.

I'm not asking you to feel the same way.

I'm not asking you to change anything about your life.

There is one more thing I wanted to say.

There was a part of me that really wanted to ask whether I could take you out. But given where I am in life right now, it doesn't feel right to ask that of you. I don't think I could give someone the time, presence, or peace of mind they deserve while I'm trying to navigate everything that's happening.

So instead of asking for anything, I simply wanted to be honest.

If you are seeing someone, I also sincerely apologise if this message feels like an intrusion into your personal life or your relationship. That was never my intention. I have always wanted to respect your boundaries, and I genuinely wish you both nothing but happiness.

Maybe life will give me that chance someday, and maybe it won't. Either way, I didn't want fear or silence to be the reason you never knew how I truly felt.

I just didn't want to look back one day and regret never telling you how I truly felt.

More than loving you, I've always respected and admired you.

You are hardworking, grounded, kind and sincere. The way you carry yourself, the respect you have for your family, your dedication towards your work, and the simplicity with which you live your life are qualities I have always admired.

You have inspired me not only as a person but also as a professional.

If there is one thing I hope you never change, it is exactly who you are.

And if there ever comes a day when you question your own worth or wonder whether you're enough, I hope you remember that there was someone whose life genuinely became better simply because he had the privilege of knowing you.

If this message has made you uncomfortable, I sincerely apologise.

Please don't feel any pressure to reply. You don't owe me an explanation, a response or anything at all. I simply wanted to be truthful for once instead of hiding behind fear.

Whatever your life looks like today, and whatever it looks like in the future, I sincerely hope it brings you happiness.

You deserve someone who sees the goodness in you, appreciates you for who you are, and stands beside you through every phase of life.

Thank you for every conversation, every badminton game, our temple visit, every smile, and for unknowingly becoming one of the most meaningful people I've met.

I genuinely wish you a life filled with happiness, peace, good health and success.

Take care, [girls name]

— [my name]

Summary :

Need some honest advice

A few years ago, I met someone at work. From the very beginning, I knew I wanted to get to know her because I genuinely hoped that, if the time ever felt right, I'd ask whether I could pursue her.

Over the years, I never actually did because I kept convincing myself she was already seeing someone. A few assumptions, coincidences, and my own overthinking made me repeatedly step back instead of simply being honest. Looking back, I realise most of those barriers existed only in my own head.

Eventually, I decided that once a major project at work was over, I'd stop making assumptions and simply ask whether I could pursue her.

But life happened.

She lost a close family member, and it didn't feel right to bring this up while she was grieving.

Then, within the span of a month, my own life completely changed. My mother was diagnosed with cancer, my grandfather passed away, and I was denied a promotion at work that I genuinely believed I had earned. Even many of my teammates were surprised by the decision, and the situation at work has left me questioning my future there.

At the same time, she's now leaving the company for a well-deserved opportunity.

Here's where I'm conflicted.

Given everything happening in my life, I don't think this is the right time to ask whether I can pursue her. Even if the answer were yes, I don't think I'd be able to give it the attention and commitment it deserves while trying to navigate everything else.

At the same time, I don't want her to leave without ever knowing how I felt. I don't expect her to feel the same way. I'm not asking her to wait for me or change anything about her life. I simply don't want to spend years wondering what would have happened if I had just been honest.

So my question is:

**Would it be respectful to send her a message simply telling her how I've felt all these years, making it clear that I don't expect anything from her, and leave it at that? Or would it be kinder to say nothing at all and let her move on without ever knowing?**

I'd genuinely appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who have been on either side of a situation like this.

TL;DR: I had feelings for a colleague for years but never told her because I wrongly assumed she was seeing someone. She's now leaving the company, and my personal life has become extremely difficult. I don't want to ask her for anything—I just want to know if telling her the truth, with no expectations, is respectful or if it's better left unsaid.