u/Advanced_Sell_2275

I am a former PJ’s manager (1999-2005). In an environment where so many food establishments have declined in quality, I actually think that Papa Johns is better than it was when I worked there. I like that they got rid of the raised crust borders, and the alfredo sauce they’re using is terrific with grilled chicken and mushrooms.

I think that the Papa Johns of today and the Papa John’s I worked for are two different things. And I’m pretty happy with that.

In August of 2023, after attending a funeral of a co-worker’s father in a Catholic parish, I made the decision to convert to Catholicism myself, as the community came out in a big way for the deceased. I believed that the church could give me a sense of community and belonging; something I have struggled with since moving here in 2019.

Unfortunately, after starting OCIA (a series of classes for adults that helps get the developing Catholic catechized), I found out that the Catholic Church does not recognize civil divorce, and views subsequent marriages as adulterous, unless you obtain something from the Archdiocese called a ”Declaration Of Nullity,” more commonly known as an annulment.

Having been divorced, and now remarried for 16 years, this situation applied to me.

I sent in my initial paperwork for the petition twice (they lost it the first time), and after a review by the Marriage Tribunal (an office in the Archdiocese that handles these cases)a case number was assigned.

About 6-8 weeks later, I had to go in for a deposition with my advocate. This is the point where it got uncomfortable; I had to talk about things I don’t talk to my family or friends about. I came out of the church that day unnerved enough that I decided to go to Ash Wednesday services at a Presbyterian Church to give myself some space. I also cut back on my Mass attendance.

About another 6 weeks later, I get an email from the Tribunal secretary, saying that they can’t find my former spouse, whom I hadn’t spoken to in nine years, and that none of my witnesses, whom I haven’t been in the same room with for 20 years, had come forward (they all received letters from me, so the Archdiocese wouldn’t blindside them). I was told that unless this situation changed, my petition would be closed due to lack of evidence.

I emailed the secretary back, saying that I had no other way of reaching the people in question. She responded, saying that I had to find at least three witnesses, and each of them had to have known me for at least five years. As I had relocated twice since 2014, and both of my parents died during that time frame, I didn’t have what they were looking for.

I got an immediate response of “without the witnesses, there’s nothing we can do for you.” They referred me back to the local priesthood. My wife told me that she now felt disrespected by the process, so I withdrew my petition, and began looking at Protestant churches. Without the annulment, the only way into the church as a divorced and remarried person is to basically reduce my marriage to a roommate situation, which I think is so distasteful I won’t even consider it. But, since I can’t receive absolution in confession, because the church considers me to be in a state of “grave sin,” I can’t receive communion, so I can’t be initiated into the church.

I attend a Presbyterian Church USA congregation now; I pretty much agree with all of their theology, but because Protestants tend to organize along socioeconomic lines, and I’m more working class, I don’t really fit in. Some people say hello to me, but for the most part; I’m there by myself.

Not a day goes by without me thinking about what happened; it’s reinforced the feeling that I don’t belong in this community. I understand that institutions have rules and standards, but I can’t help but find that going to someone for help, then getting met with a wall of bureaucracy, is really rude.

Two things have happened while all of this went on: First, Catholic Churches in our area are leaning heavily into “All Are Welcome,” and “Welcome Home” themes in their advertising. Given the fact that they practice closed communion, I think this is disingenuous. Second, the Archdiocese in my area filed for bankruptcy, because there were so many sex abuse claims against them that they decided it was easier to redirect victims into the Federal Bankruptcy Court, so they can receive a settlement, rather than have to listen to their story.

I wrote this for one reason. I either want the Catholic Church to remove these roadblocks and accept both me and my wife, or I want to get these people, and this memory, out of my life.

Thank you for reading this; sorry it was so long.