u/Adventurous-Gap708

original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/GkbcZqaWMW

im absolutely done. we all know this relationship is doomed and awful. these first set of texts happened on sunday night. he had been sleeping at my apartment every night that week and i suggested we spend a night apart. he got so defensive and paranoid but because i have a roommate, he reluctantly agreed to spend the night apart. i was already annoyed because of his reaction, so when he called me and immediately started asking about who this male friend from high school is that got recommended to him (that i haven’t spoken to in over ten years) and telling me to block him, i’m immediately put off and say im not having this conversation and get off the phone. the texts followed and explain themselves. straight using control tactics and blaming me for his actions saying i’d be the one putting my roommate through that by calling the police….after he threatened to come here i stayed on the phone w him till 2 in the morning to try and calm him down so he wouldn’t come to my apartment and bang on my door. during the facetime he had me go around my entire apartment and show him that no one was in the apartment.

I broke up with him yesterday. i just couldn’t do it anymore. i didn’t have a plan it just happened. the last 3 slides are texts from tonight. he came to my apartment this morning and harassed me the whole day. everytime i said i’m done he tells me “no we’re not.” and “stop saying things like that” i asked him to leave multiple times and he just wouldn’t. he kept saying if i did this for him and that for him, he’d leave. it. took. all. day. i have never been so emotional drained. he switched to name calling, bashing and talking horrible about my character and my personality, calling me a stuck up c**t, a loser, an asshole and other horrible things.he talked horribly about my family and how i was raised. then he’d switch to getting on his knees and crying begging me to not give up. so. much. gaslighting. blaming me for his actions, saying i wasn’t there for him enough and how i was never supportive enough so it made him act like that. even though he was apparently acting so emotional every time because he is addicted to a substance that heightens his emotions like crazy. he told me he was off of it and clean, but had only stopped for a couple weeks and has been hiding it from me for the last 7 months. he told me this yesterday. he blamed me for using again too.

i know im not overreacting here, just wanted to post an update.

my (f27) boyfriend (m27) get into these arguments where it just keeps escalating. this particular time we got into it because he is going through something with one of his friends, and while venting to me about the situation, starts to come after me and go off on me after i tell him to please not share what i said about this friend to his friend because i do not want to be involved. he then starts accusing me of not supporting him and how i always support “the other man” instead of him. this is a pattern that keeps coming up and i got very upset and wanted space, which always makes him very upset.
we took the night to ourselves, even though he does proceed to call me multiple times throughout the evening, and nine times between 2-3 am to make sure i was at my apartment in bed. he has my location, but sometimes its not always accurate and he thinks im somewhere i am not. he gets very paranoid when we argue and when i ask for space. i have never cheated on him so he doesn’t really have a reason to think this but still accuses me of being un-loyal from time to time.

these texts just sums up what happens when we fight. i try to put up boundaries, but I always get shut down because of how “close” we are. i swear he is emotionally abusive but he claims he’s not because that’s not his intention to guilt trip me and manipulate me. i retaliate by becoming physical with him because he does not stop pushing me into a corner, claiming and accusing that everything i say is “wrong” and how i go about everything the “wrong way” according to him.

the part in our messages when it turns into all caps is because he saw i left my apartment.

i want to leave this relationship because it does not feel healthy at all. we get along so well when we are not fighting and are best friends, but that’s makes him think he has total access to me no matter how he acts. im sick of it. i guess im just looking for validation that how he is acting is not ok. he thinks how he acts is ok. it baffles me.

EDIT: how do i leave a relationship like this safely? he doesnt have a key. i have a roommate and do not want to get her involved. he obviously knows where i live and knows where i work. i have stuff up at his house too. if i block him he will just show up.

EDIT: i did not expect this to blow up so quickly. i know we are both wrong in these instances. i know its never ok to be physical w someone but he pushes me to my limits. he is relentless when i try to stand up for myself and my boundaries. he does not try to understand. he claims everything is my fault when we get into it like this because i dont ask for space in the “correct” way. i dont need reddit to tell me to leave this relationship. i want to leave. i just dont know how to do it.