Am I being overly sensitive about how often my husband isn’t home?
My husband goes out every weekend with his friends, usually Friday or Saturday evening and spends the night. He always says he’ll be back early in the morning but is always 2-3 hours past the time he said he would be home. And then when he does get home he is usually tired and/or hungover. I’m a SAHM to our toddler and I’m so grateful that I get to be a SAHM. It just sucks that it feels like we never get to see my husband/her dad and spend real meaningful time together as a family. He works a very demanding job. 12 hour days 5 days a week. He’s been working the night shift for the past year, 1pm-1am so we only get to see him for a few hours in the morning each day. And still, sometimes during the week he will stay at his mom’s house because it’s closer to his work or he will stay at his coworkers house overnight sometimes or have stuff he needs to do in the morning so most of the time we don’t even get to see him everyday. On average I would say we see him about 3-4 days a week with only one of those days being an actual full day. It’s hard to feel like a family when we don’t ever get to spend time as a family. I know it’s hard for our daughter to not see him as much as she would like. She says things about it to me, as well as when she’s playing pretend by herself. She will make her toys go to work and be sad about it. It breaks my heart. He’s a great dad and plays with her a lot but I feel like he doesn’t prioritize family time the same way I try to and definitely does not prioritize our relationship and connecting either. We’ve been going through a rough patch the past few months in our relationship and need to be connecting now more than ever but it doesn’t seem like he gets that or cares. We can’t even sleep in the same bed/room right now either because his snoring has gotten so bad that it wakes me up. He’s finally in the process of trying to get his sleep apnea fixed but it’s gonna be a while so that makes me feel even more disconnected. And it sucks too because the friend he goes to hang out with most of the time is married with kids and very clearly cares about spending time with his family because they always hang out at his house so that he can be there with his wife and kids and he brings his wife and kids everywhere he goes with his friends and his wife is such a big part of his overall social life. And I try to be a part of my husband’s life and want to hang out his friends the same way his friend’s wife does but he doesn’t invite me most of the time. And I get along great with his friends me and his friends wife have hung out just her and I several times and it’s always fun. And It’s totally okay for him to want to hang out with his friends alone, I want him to keep his individuality for sure but it’s hard to not feel left out when he’s always with his friends family and leaves his family behind. And it’s not equal “time off” he doesn’t ever ask if I am doing anything with my friends, or if I even want to. It’s always him going out with his friends. I also take care of our daughter 90% of the time which is fine I appreciate how hard he works for us and I love being a SAHM but I would like a break sometimes to ya know. I only ever get one full day to myself a week if I’m lucky. Sorry this is long it’s just a lot that goes into this and all the little things add up over time. When I bring any of this up to him he just gets mad and says he’ll cancel but I don’t want him to cancel because then it will be a whole big thing and I don’t want that. I want him to want to spend more time with us. I want to spend more time together as a family. I don’t want him to feel like I’m nagging or trying to control him. Which I’m worried that he does feel that way. Am I overreacting and being too sensitive about it all?