I don’t know what to do anymore
I 24F have been friends with this girl for a very long time and lately I feel like I am not being appreciated for the amount of energy and effort I have put into our friendship. Over the years, we have had our off and on issues, I mean we started being friends in high school which already is filled with drama. We are now at a point where we both realize adult friendships are very different from high school friendships do to the lack of time we are able to spend together and how life often just gets in the way.
Over the last 2 years however, I have noticed more and more that she has not been prioritizing or trying to spend time with me or her other friends since being in a relationship with this guy. A few months ago I brought this concern to her attention and she assured me she would do better… she never actually did. If anything she got even more distant and avoided spending/ making plans together at all. A few weeks ago she broke up with her boyfriend after she cheated on him. I decided that now that she is out of that relationship I wanted to reiterate how I feel just so we can grow and move forward from that. She said “Yeah i’ve taken accountability for that already and I told you I plan on prioritizing my other relationships more now”. I then told her I am just afraid that if she decides to get in another relationship, I wanted to feel confident enough that she wont just push me to the side. She pretty much said “I mean I hope that doesn’t happen but I can’t make that promise. Not that you would understand but men just do something to you when you are in a relationship with them, they make you want to spend all your time with them” (I am in a long term relationship with a woman). Naturally, that response was not so reassuring.
On top of her not reaching out or spending time with me, she has also been making subtle jokes about my appearance/body in a negative way. I am a little over weight, not DIABOLICAL, but definitely curvier. On a handful of occasions, she has gone out of her way to make a comment in a joking manner about my fupa. Going as far to point and laugh in a group setting at it. She also in a group facetime call with our mutual friends said “I don’t know if I ever told you this, but you kinda look like Gypsy Rose” which I could just tell it was coming from a place of trying to put me down and make a mean comment. I confronted her about how she made me feel and she made me feel stupid for even bringing it up. I tried explaining to her that I don’t get hurt by EVERY joke made about how I look, some of them I can actually laugh about and I will find them funny. Just when it comes to specifically picking out insecurities she knows about, I just don’t really find those funny. I can be called a “big back” , some things can be funny but said in the right context. I was hoping that she would be apologetic but unfortunately not. I pretty much got a “I’m sorry you were offended” rather than “I’m sorry I made you feel that way, that was not my intention”. She told me “I guess our jokes just don’t hit the same anymore and I wont ever make a joke involving that ever again to save my own ass from conversations like this”. Maybe I’m crazy but that was not what I wanted from the conversation. She made it feel like it was SUCH an inconvenience to stop joking about my weight. I also just want to add in here that I have NEVER joked about her appearance or her insecurities so I am honestly confused where she got the idea that those type of jokes would be okay. I even asked her in the conversation if there was anything that I said that would be off limits going forward and she said no.
I am not sure what to do at this point. I can further explain how I have gone above and beyond for her and give further details if anyone needs it. I just have so many memories with this girl, we have gone through so much together and I would really hate to not have her in my life anymore.