u/Affectionate-Wear411

I have a close friend who is getting married in June and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I feel torn about the expectations and « deliverables » and wanted to know if it’s a normal occurrence:

- overseas bachelorette
- synchronized dance routine (being micromanaged to a T: think finger movements and being drilled by a friend to perfect it)
- planning bridal shower and bachelorette and paying for all the expenses
-I’m doing the floral arrangements (I used to work as a florist and she asked if I could help)

I feel like a bad friend for being uncomfortable, and I think it’s more of a value difference than anything else. I’m also feeling increasingly stressed out about the wedding like I’m not going to live up to her expectations of it being perfect. I feel crazy because no one else in the bridal party is expressing any discomfort ??

Anyone else experienced something similar, and how should I navigate this ? Thanks !!

Hi ! Just wanted to share my experience and to know if anyone else has been in this particular position.

I am a 28F in grad school (urban design) and am lucky to have a core group of friends (female, East Asian but raised in NA).

As we’re approaching our late 20s, it seems that there is more of a lifestyle/values gap that was not as apparent in our early 20s.

The pre-wedding season has also been a catalyst in revealing these value differences (emphasis on perfection, performance and optimization), wanting to do an overseas bachelorette, etc.

Due to my current circumstances I was the only one who can’t afford to travel, leading to comments like « not being a real adult » « at the bottom » and other comments like my specialization being not regarded as seriously.

I’m fully aware that Asian identity is not a monolith, and that the model minority trope is damaging - and the last thing I want to do is to internalize that. I see so much beauty in bonding over shared experiences and culture, which is why I feel so torn. Is it tje quintessential experience of in-betweenness: not white or Asian enough ? Would love to get more insights on this. Thanks !

Hi ! Just wanted to share my experience and to know if anyone else has been in this particular position.

I am a 28F in grad school (design) and am lucky to have a core group of friends (female, East Asian but raised in NA).

As we’re approaching our late 20s, it seems that there is more of a lifestyle/values gap that was not as apparent in our early 20s.

The pre-wedding season has also been a catalyst in revealing these value differences (emphasis on perfection, performance and optimization), wanting to do an overseas bachelorette, micro-managing dance routine, etc

Due to my current circumstances I was the only one who can’t afford to travel, leading to comments like « not being a real adult » « at the bottom » and other comments like my specialization being not regarded as seriously as compared to other stereotypically high-status jobs in Asian American communities (doctor, tech,etc- I’m the only one who’s in a creative-ish field)

I’m fully aware that Asian identity is not a monolith, and that the model minority trope is damaging - and the last thing I want to do is to internalize that. Is it the quintessential experience of in-betweenness: not white or Asian enough ? Would love to get more insights on this. Thanks !