disconnection from my family
anyone else feels disconnected from their family . it's not like they're bad people , they're most definitely not perfect but like my parents love me and treat me well even though they have their occasional fights which that caused me some trouble and anxiety but i know that's not the reason i felt disocnnected even before i became aware of what their shit causes to me ; even my brother i dont feel any connection with him it's like i despise him most of the time and don't want anything to do with him and i dont like spending time with them it feels awkward i dont enjoy it i'd rather be with myself or with my friends or with my cousin a thousand percent and boy it makes my heart ache especially for my mom cause she's a very nice person and sweet but i don't feel a family connection which lowkey their fault i think that they haven't been able to make that connection ever since we were kids and didn't show that much love idk but like i feel very stuck now especially that i took time off so don't have uni which means home 24/7 i felt this issue even more and i even came to a point where i would stay up till like 12 pm and wake up right when they sleep and it just sucks man i don't want it to be like this but i can't help but to feel any other way it's not in my hands and i even tried spending time with them but still i don't like it and always feels awkward and heavy and im my mom's only girl so ofc she wants me to hang out with her and be with her and go out but it's always so heavy on me for no reason