u/AgentUnlucky4323

It's a genuine question. I know it's incredibly pathetic, but I've wanted to know for a while now. It really seems like romance isn't for me, and everytime someone seems interested in me it turns out I was wrong and they were just being friendly. I hate feeling like I'm just seeing interest where there is none just because I'm so so lonely. I love having friends and meeting new people non-romantically, don't get me wrong, but come on...

So please just tell me how it feels like to be looked in the eyes in a special way. How does it feel to finally stop being lonely? To find out all the scary nights were worth it because the feeling ended up being so good. I dream of arriving at that place one day, but I don't think it's going to come. So please please please, describe it to me. To feel like you're finally in the place where you're meant to be, and at peace.

I hope this doesn't read overdramatic, I don't mean to do poetry. But I think these things most nights. It doesn't consume every moment of my life, but it's there often. It's a constant. Please tell me how it feels to be looked at in the eyes by a partner.

I know it's very pathetic, but I just really wish someone fell in love with me deeply. I know I'm tremendously lucky that this is pretty much the biggest drama of my life, apart from how I've flirted with suicidality, because it's such a simple thing pretty much everyone gets but it's apparently missing for me. I'm not meant to be loved romantically, but it's such a human thing. Why am I not able to get it? Everybody else has experienced it but me, why am I so different?

I don't understand how I am apparently so likeable but not loveable. Why can't anyone see me? I feel so invisible. Like I don't matter enough to feel love that isn't unrequited. Am I not enough of a human being? How am I missing something that's so fundamental to our existence that it's a part of everybody's life. What does everybody else have that they see in each other to fall in love that I don't?

I'm so done with "it's for everyone" or "you will find someone eventually!" because they're just baseless and empty promises. Right now I'm just trying to convince myself that romantic love is not for me so I can hurt less. It's just so painful. I wish I could quit it and never love anyone romantically again. Leave everyone alone. It's like an insult to someone if I fall in love with them. Opening my heart up to them like that is equivalent to spitting them in the face. I'm disgusting.

I mean romantic love, of course. Because at this point, I'm just going to accept that I'm going to have many many wonderful things in my life, but romance is not one of them. It's just not in my future. It doesn't have to be such a bad thing. I love my family and I love my friends. I am blessed in that way.

It may sting that so many people get along with me very well and I can make friends easily, but none of those people even consider me romantically, but it has to happen to someone. Even if it's just a chance of one in a million, it's happened to me. And that's that. I hope it feels less empty and depressing in the future. I am never going to be seen in that specific type of profound way, it's fine. I don't need it to be happy. I'm not going to get everything I want in my life.

It's because I'm somehow unlovable, and that's okay. I don't know what it is, but I'm missing what other people see in each other to fall in love. I just don't have it. I'll just get used to being alone like this. It's okay. Don't try to tell me it's for everyone unless you have a real convincing argument

I repeat this to myself daily like a mantra until I can stop believing in romantic love. It's not for me and that's fine. I have other things in life