Introducing In-home care when the usual approaches won’t work?
Looking for advice from people who have successfully introduced in-home care when the person with dementia is very resistant to the idea.
My mom still sees herself as independent and absolutely does not want someone coming into the house to “help” her. I think she pictures a caregiver hovering over her, patronizing her, or treating her like a child — which she would hate.
My dad is her primary caregiver, but he still works, and she’s already angry that he leaves her to go to work. We really need to bring someone in both so she isn’t alone and so my dad can get some breathing room.
I’ve heard the suggestion to frame the caregiver as someone who is there to “help my dad,” but I don't think that will work for since the whole point is that my dad needs to be able to leave while the caregiver is there.
I also don’t think we can use the “she’s a friend who needs a job” or “she’s a student who needs some hours” approach. My mom would see right through that, especially because we’ve already talked to her about bringing in some in-home help.
One idea my dad had was to tell her that this is a Medicare benefit available to both of them, and if they don’t use it, they lose it. Basically, take the focus off of her needing care and make it sound like a benefit they’re simply entitled to use. (I know that isn't literally how Medicare in-home care works — we're just trying to find framing she'll accept.)
Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? What actually worked to get your parent/spouse to accept someone coming into the home?
I’m especially interested in approaches that preserve their sense of independence and dignity rather than trying to convince them that they need help.