did i lose my chance to make good friends
I have moved around a lot since I was a kid, so I never had childhood friends. In High school, I was too miserable to even bother to make friends, but still had like 2-3 people i spoke to. When i moved to college, I made friends and my high school friends drifted off. But I am not too happy with my college friends. They are alright to hang out with, but when I really need them emotionally—I can’t talk about things with them, because one of them competes with me or just gloss over it and the others just give me really bad advice. One time my friend got mad at me and told me I should attend a friend’s dinner over trying to get a submission for my prof. When i opened up to them about my mental health struggles, they just never checked up on me and treat me like the bad guy if i ever make a joke. when i opened up to this one friend, her only response was to say that she should get checked up to. i was complaining about not getting an internship, and my friend just said you don’t even need to get an internship.
i have a lower gpa compared to my friends, they sometimes make comments about how their performance would be so bad that even i would outscore them. I try to look past and try to be a good friend for them anytime I can be. I am always open to help them out, they confide in me and i help them out. they come talk to me when they are feeling scared, they call me and i always pick up. i always help them with packing, accompany them to say goodbye when moving out. None of this is reciprocated. They even forgot my birthday and have never gotten me gifts. For their birthdays, I gave them personalized gifts (I made graphics of my friends favorite athletes). My roommate doesn’t respect me i think, as in she doesn’t really respond when i open up to her about being scared of exams or something. But i am always trying to be there for them, they just zip up when i try to open up.
My friend needed help moving out and she asked me. I said no because last time I had to move, none of them offered to help me move, I have always helped her move in the past years from carrying the boxes to helping loading it into the car. Since then she’s kinda ghosted me, and I am just feeling bad.
It just makes me feel so bad, because I see everyone hanging out with their large group of friends all the time. I just wonder if I am the problematic one, or am i choosing the wrong people?