This is probably my last ditch effort to try to understand what my boyfriend is talking about. Basically we’ve been together for 5 years now. He’s 30. At the start of our relationship marriage was brought up on the very first date. I made it clear I wanted to get married at some point. He said he was open to marriage. Fast forward 3 years… I bring up marriage again. Seems like we’re doing good. He even asked me to move in. He tells me “he needs time.” I’m not exactly sure what this time he’s asking for entails. He tells me he doesn’t understand the concept of marriage. I at this point am very frustrated so I tell him I can’t do this relationship anymore. He asks that we see a pre marital therapist.
I was very against this because it felt like he was just buying time. I didn’t want to be dragged into it. I told him he needed a personal therapist. He refuses personal therapy. He tells me if I don’t do this pre martial therapy it’s me giving up on the relationship. I do it. 12 months of my life taken from me and he still has “no idea” what marriage is or why he should get married. So now we’re in year 4 and it’s fights every single day essentially because I’m beyond frustrated with him. He takes me to get sized for a ring. I calm down. It’s now been a year since getting sized for a ring. I’m over here thinking he’s going to pop the question at any time.
It never happens instead he asks to try a different form of couples therapy to figure out why he doesn’t like the idea of marriage. I tell him. I’m moving out he’s just playing with my emotions. He convinced me to do 4 sessions and he literally just spent one hour each time explaining that he just doesn’t understand. I drop out of the therapy sessions he continues with the therapist one on one. I started packing up my stuff. I’m moving out at the start of next month.
I guess I’m here to ask if there’s any man out there who can understand what he’s talking about. He keeps saying he can see himself being with me forever. He wants to have kids with me someday. He wants us to have this farm (we talked about that). He wants all these things just no marriage. He’ll say marriage is meaningless and it’s just a piece of paper. But he’s willing to let “the love of his life” walk away over something “meaningless.”
I’m not staying with him so I’m not trying to get anyone to convince me. I’m just trying to see if his logic makes any sense to anyone else on planet earth. Looking for closure mostly especially because I’m stuck in the same house with him for the next 2 weeks. I’d like to hate him less.