u/Aggressive_Egg_7550

hello everyone, I'll keep it short, please ask any questions to better understand the situation.

my partner (24 M) and me (22F) have been together for approximately two years. my family doesn't like him because of religious differences and they don't even know that we're dating. for context, we live in a country where religious violence is very prevalent and both of us belong to different religions at birth but are both atheist rn. i plan on moving out as soon as I get a job (I'm doing my masters rn and I graduate in a few months) as my family situation isn't the best and my partner wants to move out as well.

we can't immediately move in together because my family will create hell. while talking about this a few weeks ago, my partner bought up a friend of mine who also needs to move out asap as well. he suggested we move in together. the three of us. that way, I'll have a cover for who I'm moving in with while living with him.

i spoke to the said friend and she's delighted to do this.

the issue is, while discuss this with him yesterday, he mentioned how he would want to do more things together as a group. he likes this friend and sees her as a younger version of himself. he doesn't want to make her feel excluded. he mentioned wanting to have a meal all together, talk at the end of each day and just have a very... friendly? relationship? both of them are avid anime watchers so they were also excited about sharing this hobby w eachother. (i do not watch anime and my bf has wanted me to get into it since forever)

this is where i differ. as much as I like the friend, i do not want to have a meal with her everyday. she's very high energy and hates silence. i am very much the opposite. the one meal I have at home everyday, i would want to share it only with my partner and in comfortable silence.

now, i know I might (most probably) just be overthinking all of this but even just thinking of the hypothetical dynamics at home, makes me a little sad.

is this a bad idea? should I not be moving in with them? i also don't want to live at home longer as it is an abusive situation and having flatmates makes it easier and more affordable to move out...

edit; said friend is 22 yo, female. and a lil more context that got me thinking: while talking to him, I mentioned not wanting to make her feel left out and he jokingly said what if you are the one that's left out because both of them share the same hobbies. this got me thinking. a lot. i am also in my luteal and have pmdd so I might just be overthinking but yeah

hello! for context, I've been dating my partner for 1.5 years now, we've known eachother for 2 years. im bisexual and and he's a bi cis man (using he/him pronouns bc we have had the conversation before and he doesn't rly care about pronouns) when I entered the relationship, it was a cis straight relationship and that's what it currently is for the most part.

approx seven months ago he came out to me when under the influence. spoke about how he's always wanted to be a woman. this naturally bought about a lot of conversation and he decided to not transition but do other things that make him feel less masculine and more feminine. ear piercings, fit of the clothes, no more bulking at the gym (he was a huge gym bro) etc. he even got a nose piercing recently and looks absolutely stunning in it.

now for the issue at hand, he recently got into kpop. a specific girl group. and has been obsessing over their music, discipline to their craft etc. i had a huge kpop phase growing up and it messed me up in relation to my own body and has created a lot of insecuties that I haven't addressed. all of this came back up when I came across multiple videos of fan edits on my fyp with his likes... i saw these videos as thirst traps and got a little upset. in my defense it was a particularly worse luteal phase, I was feeling extremely insecure and something very trival bothered me a result of it.

when I bought this up to him, he immediately apologised and told me how he saw these videos as inspiration to be like them. (a couple of these videos were gym edits) he said the phrase "this might come off as an excuse but" and then said that these were like an inspiration and that by interacting with more media that's seen as traditionally feminine, for the girls etc, he felt nice in himself. i was still upset and i followed up with "yeah it does sound like an excuse rn but I trust you and I do understand." this hurt him a lot. he ended up unfollowing the members, and even blocked them. has started only interacting with male content. he has previously expressed how this makes him not feel good about himself and that he hates seeing this so I can only imagine how hard it might be for him.. when I told him that he didn't have to block people, i just needed to express how I felt, he responded with what else do I do in order to not hurt you? and I had no response because I didn't know. i just put a feeling forward without a solution.

a week after this, another topic came up. i have a big female friend circle and some of them are super affectionate. kisses on the cheek are a very platonic thing we usually do. this has been the case for years. he had an insecure phase in the beginning of the relationship where when he found this out, he was very upset. i call this a phase because of a few other things that happened around the same period of time. we've spoken about all of this and it has resolved now. but he bought this up a week ago, and mentioned how it's a double standard because id be upset if a female friend did the same to him. how is it different? i tried to explain how since it is a behaviour out of the norm for him, it would be different but he spoke about how that's just different rules for the both of us. he did follow it up saying he was just joking but i haven't been able to stop thinking about this... i don't even know where to post to find some sort of genuine help so i assumed this would be a good place

ever since then his body dysmorphia has gotten worse. he has not completely been himself. i know I fucked up but how do I fix this??? i know I need to work on my insecurities, I'm doing it rn but what else can I do to make him feel better? the incident happened three weeks ago and he has been so very different. he doesn't feel the best in his body, he doesn't initiate physical contact. (understandable, I'm not complaining. this is just something I've noticed because we are a very physical couple) and we haven't done anything intimate (again, i get it) we have spoken about how this has affected him but I still want to know what i could do to help.