u/Agile-Permission-179

Hey guys, this might be a bit of an unusual thing to ask but I’ve been using nicotine for about a year now. I tried to quit a couple months ago and was successful for two months before I fell back into it after learning some involuntary information about my partner’s past—things I found out directly from his ex (she messaged me randomly). It kind of sent me into a spiral, and I ended up buying a vape again.

I'm trying to stop again, but I find that smoking helps me calm my thoughts when I’m overthinking his past. I want to hit it every time I start thinking too much. Do you think I should quit right now, or wait until I’m in a better mental place before quitting? (I suffer from RJ and ROCD)

Lately I’ve been having an issue being intimate with myself if you understand what I’m saying. Seems that every time I start..I have these thoughts that won’t stop..visions of him and the girls in his past and I start crying or even getting really mad. Sometimes when we’re intimate together I zone out of the moment because I start thinking “this is exactly what she was doing” anyways just wanted to rant and see if anyone has the same issue, and if so, how did you manage this?

Healing is not linear and some days may feel heavy. You deserve to be loved and your partner too!

I hope we all get the peace we so desperately crave one day. You deserve to be loved and I understand retroactive jealousy is exhausting. Feel free to reach out to me whenever your world become a little too heavy.

I keep feeling like I need to ask questions and then I feel like the answer has to be logical. Please don’t judge me. My partner used to see this girl and hooked up with her a couple of times and it never escalated from there even when she wanted it to. She gave him his first b-j. Anyways when it came to my time to do it because I wanted to he just couldn’t do it and once even got soft. This made me lose my mind wondering what was wrong with me. He told me he felt like he was degrading me. What’s so right about degrading her and not with me then? I know crazy thing to ask. But eventually after months of not trying I tried and succeeded. Didn’t make me happy it kinda just felt like I was 1-1 with her. How do I stop making this a competition. How do I stop needing logic. How do I simply stop wondering. It’s exhausting and we were fine for a long time until recently his ex girl messaged me some weird things which weren’t true but it made me get into my head.

I feel like I was perfectly fine until one day a girl my partner used to see messaged me accusing him of “cheating” on me (completely false as we hadn’t known of each others existence in the time frame she gave me) but on top of accusing him she told me about all the things they did unprovoked without me asking. I feel like something flipped in my brain ever since. I’ve been with him for over a year now and even though it’s subsided some I still find myself asking him questions over his past I know I shouldn’t ask. Can someone explain this? P

Is it possible to have a genuine question without seeking anything except an answer. I’m aware of my OCD and I feel like they’re two separate things. When I’m in that “loop” I can usually eventually stop thinking about it however lately there’s something I’ve genuinely wanted to know. I’m afraid that maybe this can’t be the case? I don’t know if this is even understandable but can you guys give me thoughts.

I want to get better so badly. I love my partner, and I’m trying my best to understand that I don’t need an answer to every question. What exactly am I expecting from all this? Why does it matter? Every day, I end the day thinking, “today was great, we should do it again tomorrow," and that helps me stay focused on the fact that I look forward to improving.