u/AirportCareless808

Hey all.

I need someone advise for my tween I feel really stuck. She is 12 but she'll be 13 in August. I have split custody of her with her father.

She started 6th grade last year and will be starting 7th in August. At the beginning of the school year her father bought her a smartphone. As all of the her step siblings at his house also get one when they turned 12. I didnt like it but it obviously wouldn't have been fair for me to say only she isn't allowed to have one.

But since she has got it shes been way more quiet and reserved. She doesn't have any friends. She just plays on her phone all the time. And its not like she's playing with friends, its just randim people. I can almost never get her to agree to do anything with me.

I talked to her about it and set some boundaries. But that only resulted in her being bored and therefore going to bed early.

I tried playing Roblox with her. But its not a game you can local co-op. Ive tried playing other video games with her. But she doesnt want to.

School is about to end for summer so I was looking at summer camps for teens.

There aren't alot within driving distance that I could reasonably drop her off and pick her up from. I work bank hours, there aren't any forms of public transport that come anywhere near my house, and I don't have any family anywhere near me that could help. Im also single so I literally have no help.

So theres only really one summer camp that fits. Its a swim and skate summer camp. Which are things she used to like to do before she got her phone.

I talked to her about it and she said she doesnt want to go. She said she doesnt like to go outside and thats shes more of an indoor person.

But if she doesnt go she'll be stuck inside, home alone, while I work, everyday, all day during the week. Where im sure she'll just play on her phone all day.

There aren't really any kids in this neighborhood. No nearby parks that I would be comfortable leaving her at for 9 hours at a time.

What do I do?

I '36F' and my friend "L" '40-NB' have been friends for about 9 years.

Approximately 3 years ago I slept with my friend. It was fine. But (unrelated) shortly after they moved to Alaska for work. I knew they were moving. I live on the east coast of the US.

With the time difference and lack of phone signal in Alaska I basically lost all contact with them while they were in Alaska. Which made me very sad because I had considered them to be one of my best friends before they moved.

Twice they came to visit our state while living in Alaska. But I messaged them to arrange a meet and they completely ghosted me and did not see me for those trips. And I realized that they meant more to me than I meant to them. Which happens, thats fine.

They moved back about 6 months ago. And I have hung out with them twice. But our relationship is very different than it was before. They did apologize for ghosting me and hurting my feelings. But now they are back they hardly text me and we've only hung out twice when we used to text and hang out all the time.

Since they moved back it seems like they only message me when they want something. They never check to see if I'm ok or strike up a casual conversation. When I Needed something, I reached out to them and they refused to take an hour out of thier day to help me while my sister was dying. But I always help them when they ask.

Both times we hung out they made references to use sleeping together again. And I sort of laughed it off. I need to be emotionally attracted to someone in order to sleep with them. ANd because of the time, distance, and notatable difference in our friendship, I am no longer attracted to them in that way.

Every month or so they text me and reference us sleeping together again. And thus far I have been able to laugh those off. But last night they straight up texted me to ask.

Which is why I am here. I don't mind being friends with them. There aren't a ton of queer people in this area. We've all formed this sort of LGBT+ club and we all hang out on a regular basis. So even if I never wanted ro see L again, that wouldn't be possible.

So, how do I nicely say "Im not interested in sleeping with you again" in a way that wouldn't kill our friendship?

Any advice is appreciated.

TLDR, I slept with my friend 3 years ago and I need a way to tell them I don't want to sleep with them again without killing the friendship.