u/Alarmed_Stranger_895

I dated someone who would casually remind me of things he’d done for me whenever I needed help again. The one that stuck with me most was in 2018 when I broke my toe and literally couldn’t carry a 24-pack of water up one flight of stairs. This was when we were friends.

He wrote in his Christmas card 5 months ago to me how he’s done a lot for me - he brought up how he’d helped me carry groceries upstairs (just one flight!) in 2018 “even though he was super busy with applying to grad school”.

Two years ago we started dating.

And honestly? After that, I stopped wanting to ask him for anything and I just stopped talking to him but he still constantly reaches out.

It made me feel like every favor came with emotional strings attached or a future guilt trip. Eventually I noticed it also made me lose interest in helping him too - I don’t ask him for any help now.

Would you consider this weaponized incompetence, scorekeeping, or something else entirely?

I was horrified when he brought up this favor he’d done in 2018 - no wonder he always invites out to places but doesn’t offer to pay for me (I could always pay him back later) - it’s because he score keeps.

He invited me multiple times to his brother’s UK graduation next week and said we could celebrate my bday there, but never gave me his itinerary or just paid for my plane ticket. Why would I fly there on my own?

Went on one date with a guy and wasn’t very into it from the start. He’s 45 and I’m 30. Within the first 10 minutes he kept putting his hand on my thigh at the bar and announced his love language was “physical touch”, so he can’t help it. He also just didn’t have the intellectual curiosity or maturity I gravitate toward. We went to the same Ivy and most alumni I’ve met are super sharp and well read, so the contrast stood out since he’s also 15 years my senior.

Another thing that gave me pause: when I asked if he’d ever been married or had kids, he seemed oddly proud to say no to both, but then casually mentioned he’d lived with 5 different women and bought houses with 2 of them, but that his latest ex turned out to be “bipolar” and the only way to really get to know someone was move in together asap. He then said “if we hit it off you can move in”.

The night after the first date he invited me over to his house for dinner the upcoming weekend so he could “cook for me,” which I already wasn’t enthusiastic about. He’s a stranger still!

He kept asking me multiple times when I was free again, and I genuinely was busy/out of town, so eventually I suggested Thursday. But after a few more texts, I realized I truly didn’t want to see him again. He was sending 😘💋😚👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨 emojis in almost every message after ONE date and it felt way too early.

So I politely told him I wasn’t interested, wished him luck, and said hope we cross paths at future local alum events. His response was: “Wait, but you asked me out!”

I said I didn’t. He replied: “I’m confused, you wanted me to come out for dinner on Thurs”.

No… he repeatedly asked me out, and I finally gave a day I was available. That is not the same thing as pursuing someone???

Why do some people reinterpret basic participation in scheduling as romantic pursuit or enthusiasm? So many men also seem to think you like them just because you respond.

We’re both 30. He always wants to put his arm through mine when we walk and he does it REALLY tightly too. Like squeezing my arm and leaning a lot of his weight onto me. It honestly feels clingy and weirdly feminine to me? And it tired out my arm. I hate saying that because I know it sounds mean, but it’s genuinely becoming a turn off.

What’s stranger is if I try to switch positions and put my arm through HIS arm instead, he immediately drops it. Then within seconds he’ll put his arm through mine again. He’s even told me he doesn’t like when I link onto him.

So basically he only likes being the one clinging onto me, but doesn’t want the reverse. It gives me this weird dynamic I can’t explain.

Am I overthinking this? I feel like he compares me to his mom more often than I’d like and I hate how he always takes me to cheap eats ($10/person) whereas whenever it’s to celebrate his birthday or work anniversary I choose a nicer place (at least $30-60/person)

I’m 30F, he’s 35M. We went on one date about 2 years ago and had met on Hinge. He seemed friendly enough, but he kept trying to get me to go back to his place even after I said no multiple times. I ended up ghosting him because it gave me a weird vibe.

Fast forward 2 years later, he reaches back out. I figured maybe I judged too quickly, so I agreed to another date recently. He suggested a super fancy restaurant which is different from what I’m used to with guys trying to cheap out on dates. But again, same exact thing. He kept pushing for me to come over to his house even though I explicitly told him beforehand that I never go to anyone’s house early on.

I ghosted him again afterward because the whole thing felt unnerving. Then he starts sending me these exact messages:

“Hi Kelly 🙂”
“I’m back from CR and in a great mood.”
“You OK? You’ve been ignoring me for like 12 days.”
“Don’t you want to see what the basement barracks looks like? 😉”

Apparently he’s hosting a bunch of friends in his basement for the World Cup so he’s placed a lot of beds in there (they’re going to the games in person, he bought a ton of tickets), but something about a man repeatedly trying to get me to his house and then joking about his basement after I already ignored him just feels… off to me.

He’s a doctor, successful, socially normal on the surface, which is why part of me wonders if I’m overreacting. But another part of me feels like normal people back off when someone clearly isn’t interested instead of continuing to push boundaries.

Is this creepy and potentially concerning?

I’m 30, almost 31, and this has been stuck in my head, so I wanted outside perspective.

My coworker is 40 and met her now husband (also 40) during the pandemic. They got married a little over a year ago and recently had a baby. On paper he seems like a catch: he’s very attractive, makes good money, about 2x her salary, she makes around $100k, etc.

But the dynamic feels off to me.

Before she got pregnant, she told me they split everything 50/50, even though she cooks all the meals and does all the household chores. He never really took on any of that.

After she got pregnant, he started covering their rent, which is around $3.5k, and some household expenses. But she and her mom cover all baby related costs, like formula, doctor visits, clothes, etc. She also gets up in the middle of the night with the baby, while he sleeps, because he needs his rest since he makes more money. She or her mom gets up - apparently he never gets up! And she’s OK with it.

We were out at a work event recently, and he kept texting her asking what he should eat for dinner, and even sent her a picture of the freezer asking what to make. It felt kind of wild to me that a 40-year old man is asking his wife what he should eat for dinner because she’s not cooking that night.

She is genuinely in love with him and seems happy, but I can’t help thinking I would be really unhappy in that situation. I wonder if I’m the toxic one because I found it offputting that she can’t be away from her husband for one night without calling/texting repeatedly (they both wfh so they’re together ALL the time anyway).

i guess my question is, am I being too rigid about what I’d accept in a relationship? I worry sometimes that if I don’t compromise more, I’ll end up alone, but at the same time, I don’t think I could be OK with that kind of setup. I’d be mad if I had to get up in the middle of the night while the guy never did, and I’d be annoyed that he never paid for the baby’s formula or never cooks/cleans because “he covers living costs”.

Would you consider this normal or fair, or is this one of those situations where someone is settling more than they realize?

Edit: I’m asking because she thinks I need to compromise more if I want to find someone, such as willing to split while on dates, cooking everyday for the guy, be willing to have sex on the first/second date (I never), be willing to go over a guy’s house soon after meeting them, etc. She gives me unsolicited relationship advice all the time - I’ve known her 3 years and she now thinks I’m the red flag because I’m still single.