Friend Just Left My Wedding
I recently got married and had a wonderfully quirky and amazing wedding celebration day! But, one thing has upset me from the day, and it relates to someone I've known since 2010.
She was my neighbour, and we became friends... through lack of other friends, to be honest. Her values/politics are a tad different to mine, but we make our friendship work through... well, my efforts, I think (if I'm honest with myself).
She relies on me to help her with anything admin related in her life, and I sometimes wonder if I'm being used more than I am being honoured by our friendship. That said, she has very few friends, a fragile mental health, and I like to support her as best I can. Everyone deserves someone to boost their happiness, after all.
On the wedding day, shortly after the ring-exchange ceremony (the legal bit was the day before), this same friend left the venue and didn't return (along with her partner and older teenage daughter).
During the ceremony, I looked over at her and smiled with a wave. There were 3 icy stares looking back at me (I thought perhaps they'd not seen me properly. It was weird). After the ceremony, I looked for her everywhere, assuming she'd gone outside for a cigarette... but I couldn't find her.
I've heard nothing from her since, and I'm confused as to why she just left with no explanation. Even if she was angry with me, I'd still like her to have told me.
My suspicion is that I've upset her. She was fine before the ceremony, apparently. There is a selfie style photo on Facebook of her at the wedding before the ceremony with her partner and daughter - they look happy. She has given us a very lovely card, deposited before the ceremony. And so, whatever has upset her has happened around the time of the ceremony, I believe.
I didn't have bridesmaids, but some friends who'd been very supportive of me during the run up to the wedding (and just in life, generally, to be honest), entered the hall with me and formed part of the ceremony. We had a very unconventional ceremony!
So, and this may be relevant, when my friend's daughter was about 4, I said that if I ever got married, she'd be my flower girl (I was freshly divorced and never planned to re-marry!). She's nearly 18 now, and I barely see her anymore, so the thought to include her wasn't naturally there. Perhaps this has upset my friend, though?
The other thought is that my friend was upset because she wasn't included in the ceremony, and thought I'd lied about not having bridesmaids... when a load of friends came into the venue with me, even though they weren't in bridesmaid gear, etc., I can see why they may have been seen as bridesmaids.
She wasn't the only long-term friend who wasn't included... I needed *some* bums on seats, after all! Lol. (I have lots of wonderful friends, and so it could have been an empty hall if they were all part of the ceremony 😂)
My friend has had lots of things going on this year, including issues with the health of her parents and a recent operation on herself. It wasn't appropriate to bang on about my wedding when she was telling me the tough stuff going on in her life... so we hadn't talked about it much. And, I didn't think she was that interested.
I made a wedding day all about what felt right to me (and him), and it didn't feel right or meaningful to include her in any specific way.
What has surprised me is that she has clearly got upset with something I did or didn't do, and I'm trying to understand what I've done. Do I contact her? Or do I accept that she has shown me the limit of our friendship?
Please be kind if you feel the need to pass judgement on me... but, please do feel free to be gently honest. Thank you.