u/Alikat-momma

Can anyone recommend long-term care facilities in the Hartford area or facilities to avoid? My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's mixed with vascular dementia, and he needs 24/7 supervision. He's currently hospitalized. He would be a direct admission from the hospital. He has limited assets but may be able to pay for about a year of private pay care before requiring Medicaid, so it would be ideal to find a facility that would allow him to transition to Medicaid once his assets have been spent down.

My 73 y/o father lives alone in CT with no family nearby and no social support system in place. He's been a hoarder his whole life, and about 5 years ago his house had a plumbing leak that he didn't repair for over 2 years. This caused extensive water damage, a ceiling collapse, and extensive black mold that is still visible. He was brought to the hospital after his granddaughter called 911 and police had him 503 certified so he could be transported to the hospital involuntarily on a psych hold. He required sedation to be removed from his home. The hospital cleared him psychiatrically and medically the next morning.

He's had sudden unexplained daily delusional, paranoid thinking for 2 weeks. He has no previous psychiatric issues. I suspect he has vascular dementia, but doctors only did a CT scan in the ER that found no signs of a stroke. It found brain atrophy with microvascular ischemic disease. They didn't do an MRI because they did one 6 weeks ago when he thought he was having a stroke, before he started having the delusions. I suspect he has vascular dementia, but I have no way of knowing.

My dad has appeared fine and lucid about 80% of the time since his paranoia started. However, since the paranoid thoughts started, he's refused to attend doctors' appointments or go to the hospital because he thinks we're all out to euthanize him! The day before his hospitalization, he fled in the car because he thought the city workers cutting down branches near him were going to throw him in the woodchipper. He's unsafe to drive due to daily dizziness and lightheadedness he's had since his aortic valve replacement a year ago.

I live in 25 hours away and will be flying to CT tonight. The hospital told me yesterday he's been discharged and they're waiting for me to get him. I can't release him to the hospital to go home alone because it's dangerous, and he will NEVER attend follow-up appointments without having to call 911 to force him. I'm desperately trying to find an assisted living facility for him to go to straight from the hospital. I know if he returns home, he'll refuse to go! He tried jumping out of the car when he suspected she was bringing him to the doctor!

The hospital case manager threatened to call Adult Protective Services to charge me with elder neglect if I don't get him tonight. I know this is an empty threat, but it's awful being bullied in an already difficult situation. I filed an APS report against the hospital yesterday because they're trying to release my father home to an unsafe environment (no supervision after I head back home in a few days, extensive black mold, hoarding...)

My father lives off social security and has few assets other than his home. He has Medicare with Medicaid as secondary. The hospital said since he doesn't have full Medicaid yet and he can complete ADLs, his only option is to go home for now unless we can pay cash for a facility. My husband thinks we should just let him go home where he's comfortable. He won't allow APS in his house I'm sure, so they won't see the condemnable condition he lives in. However, my husband thinks if APS is allowed inside, they'll condemn his house and he'll be forced to live in Section 8 housing. I don't know what to do. Should I just let the hospital release him home and then go home and walk away from this situation? I could pay for a month or two of assisted living, but then he'll end up at home anyways when I'm unable to continue paying.

UPDATE: I called the hospital and they discharged him late last night & sent him home in an Uber! They said since he was lucid and told them he can't be held hostage, so they let him go. In the discharge summary, the doctor wrote a referral. Reason for referral: Transient alterations in mental status and difficulty caring for himself at home, concern for dementia.

I am speechless, devastated, and incredibly concerned. My flight was cancelled due to weather, and now I don't know where the heck my dad is. I hope he's home but he's not answering his phone. I don't want to send police and trigger paranoia. My daughter may drive down to check on him, but I worry about her safety since he might be angry thinking this was all a plot against him.