u/Alive-Raspberry6883

(so for privacy obviously all names i use will be fake) and there will be time jumps and boring stuff left out .i met caleb in 2023 on this app where you can talk to people and make friends, from memory it was called wizz. we chatted for a little then i gave him my number and we would text often. i told my best friend abby at the time that i had met him and it turns out she was best friends with him and he had just gotten out of the mental hospital. i didn't care and wouldn't judge someone based on mental health so i didn't ask too much about it but he later told me it was because of an ex girlfriend and he ended up severely depressed. we end up liking each other but never dated because i was too scared to commit. there were a lot of ups and downs in our friendship but even if months went by we would end up talking and hanging out again. forward to late-ish 2024 we find out he was talking to a girl who was freshly 14 and he was 18, he made it seem like he didn't know and that nothing happened but we spoke to her and she told us they'd had sex and after finding out her age he still engaged in activities with her. that was a big thing and didn't speak to him until 2025 because i wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. at that point i'd become friends with my ex best friend kaylen who was 16. we went to sleepover at his house, he was there with his boyfriend and i went with abby and kaylen. we were all drinking (except for kaylen ofc) and then we went to sleep. in the morning when his boyfriend james and abby left it was just us 3 left. we were on the bed with him and he was laying in kaylens lap and she was just playing with his hair. he then asked us to play truth or dare or some stupid shit and we said okay sure. after the usual random stuff he asked to kiss us both then insinuated wanting a threesome. no thanks. also found he had sex tapes from ex girlfriends on his phone?? which he bragged abt btw. fast forward a month later i wanted to get out of the house because i HATED being home so i'd be willing to do and say anything to get out so i asked him if he could come pick me up and he said why so i said some stuff i shouldn't have because him and his boyfriend were in an open relationship and i knew he's always wanted to sleep with me so that got him to say yes which it shouldn't have taken that but anyway. he asked his boyfriend and he was fine with it. i went there with 0 intention to do anything just wanting to leave my house and be with a friend. we cuddled up, held hands and watched a musical and then he asked if i wanted to kiss and i got nervous because i have never kissed a boy before so i just got all shy and avoided it but he kept asking and pushing and getting slightly aggressive so i messaged my nan to come and get me, it was around 11pm. i said i had to go home and babysit my siblings and he got really weird and tried to grab my phone so my other friend liam drove out to wait with me until my nan got there (i told him too). caleb watched through his window then came to the front door, saw us standing outside liam's car and walked back inside. liam lied and told everyone i said caleb raped me, NEVER would i ever lie about something like that so i cut him off.

after that whole thing and word got around everyone hated me and i was getting call after call. i lost abby, and a couple months later they vandalised my house. i called caleb and he denied it even though deep down i knew it was him i believed him. it was him, abby and his boyfriend. oh and some random bitch who was extremely irrelevant. we went to the police and a 'case' was made, a LOT of people had a go at him for it including my boyfriend. but mostly me. i was so mean and disgusting but i was pissed and hurt. then his boyfriend broke up with him. he killed himself that same year. after talking to abby she said his boyfriend breaking up with him and the whole vandalism thing broke him. i felt so bad and even though i hated him and resented him for all the shit he did it felt like part of it was my fault and deep down when i think about it i just think of the guy i met who felt like my other half.

sorry this is so long and if some of it is irrelevant and ik a lot of what i did was wrong and i have wanted to kill myself for it but there's nothing i can do but beat myself up for it every day

edit: some dates are wrong, met him in 2022 and the incidents for from early 2023 to mid 2024 ish, jm sorrh j was very emotional writing this and got mixed up

idk

my ex bsf killed himself and i feel like it's slightly my fault