I wasn't fully homeschooled but my parents didn't care so I didn't really go to school...
I have a unique experience and I hope that it is okay to share it here because I am struggling to find a corner of the internet where people can relate to my experience.
I was diagnosed with ASD when I was eight. I always struggled with making and maintaining friendships in school, and I was also a chronic daydreamer so I was always behind my peers in terms of academics too. By the time that I was 10, my Mother complained that I never paid attention in school or did my homework, and suggested that I just leave school and become "homeschooled". Even at that age, I knew that zero homeschooling would be taking place and fought against it. I wasn't even allowed access to a shower/bath, to brush my hair by myself, etc. Everything that I did was wrong and "making a mess". I genuinely believed that I was useless because my Mother would tell me so and threaten to send me away. She went into detailed stories about all the bad things that would happen to me, and I was terrified of my future because of this. She had bad paranoia from her past traumas and would put this onto me. She is also extremely Christian and would force me into confession for being depressed as if I was committing sins.
I moved homes and schools a total of four times before the age of twelve, which caused me to become selectively mute. My social development was quite badly stunted from always being the "new kid" and having to navigate social dynamics that were already established. My social skills were so poor that the constant correction led to shame and isolation, which only caused further regression. I grew up poor and because my Father worked and my Mother didn't own a car, my Grandmother would drop me to school. I was always really late everyday and missed out on a lot of learning and socialising. I was falling behind and behind.
Fast forward to secondary school and my Mother just did not care if I attended school or not. I had no friends and was excluded by my peers for being too awkward and anxious. I decided to stop going to school because it made me incredibly depressed to witness everyone living a typical teenage experience while I just regressed alone. I remember crying in class and nobody, not even a teacher, checking if I was doing okay. I was always invisible to everyone because I was so quiet and the teachers only cared about the problem kids. I was silently suffering everyday but nobody even cared. The support for ASD was just to fill out emotions sheets and read books that were for literal children as if we were intellectually challenged.
Everyday, I would just waste away at home and become more depressed. My Father did care somewhat and at least took me to sports training. I was a weirdo there too, so I eventually stopped attending. My Mother would berate me for not going to school and then tell me that I didn't need school. She would laugh at me for mentioning college, like full blown laughter and mocking. She told me to sign up to welfare as my future and I'm not even exaggerating. Her aspirations for me were a disability cheque. I failed out of school in the end because she tried to start me on a homeschooling programme (it was the schools idea), and it was just over a Teams call. The teacher did not care one bit and actually started making fun of me because I didn't know something. Sometimes they would not even show up. I just gave up and stopped showing too.
I went to college through an alternative route, kind of like community college in my country, and now I am doing a degree that is a bit of a dead-end. I still have no friends because I cannot relate to my peers and homeschooling is not really a thing here, so I can't relate to people like that either. People are shocked when I confess that I have no friends. Apparently I am perceived as normal and polite by others, but they also seem to sense something different about me. I have been described as someone that cannot be put into a box and not like anyone that they have ever met. It makes me feel so alone and I have desperately tried to mold myself into some form of social identity despite being 22 years old at this stage. It doesn't help that I am 2-3 years older than my college peers too. I never had friends at work and just ate my lunch alone. Everywhere that I go, I will always end up alone or with surface level acquaintances at best. Even my extended family pretend that I do not exist for some reason.
This is going to sound quite sad but I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 months and I literally thought to myself after 2 weeks, "this is what it must feel like to be a normal person" and broke down. It was like all the hurt of my isolation just hit me at once. I am struggling to move past the wasted years, especially now knowing what it is like to be considered valuable by someone. I was so lonely during my teenage years that I would talk to random older men and women online and inperson when I could. I knew what was happening but I didn't care because I just wanted to feel like I mattered to someone. I feel disgusted at myself for that, but I know that I was a product of my circumstances too.
I am hoping that someone on here might have a similar experience. Thank you for listening to my story.