u/AliveImagination2323

I wasn't fully homeschooled but my parents didn't care so I didn't really go to school...

I have a unique experience and I hope that it is okay to share it here because I am struggling to find a corner of the internet where people can relate to my experience.

I was diagnosed with ASD when I was eight. I always struggled with making and maintaining friendships in school, and I was also a chronic daydreamer so I was always behind my peers in terms of academics too. By the time that I was 10, my Mother complained that I never paid attention in school or did my homework, and suggested that I just leave school and become "homeschooled". Even at that age, I knew that zero homeschooling would be taking place and fought against it. I wasn't even allowed access to a shower/bath, to brush my hair by myself, etc. Everything that I did was wrong and "making a mess". I genuinely believed that I was useless because my Mother would tell me so and threaten to send me away. She went into detailed stories about all the bad things that would happen to me, and I was terrified of my future because of this. She had bad paranoia from her past traumas and would put this onto me. She is also extremely Christian and would force me into confession for being depressed as if I was committing sins.

I moved homes and schools a total of four times before the age of twelve, which caused me to become selectively mute. My social development was quite badly stunted from always being the "new kid" and having to navigate social dynamics that were already established. My social skills were so poor that the constant correction led to shame and isolation, which only caused further regression. I grew up poor and because my Father worked and my Mother didn't own a car, my Grandmother would drop me to school. I was always really late everyday and missed out on a lot of learning and socialising. I was falling behind and behind.

Fast forward to secondary school and my Mother just did not care if I attended school or not. I had no friends and was excluded by my peers for being too awkward and anxious. I decided to stop going to school because it made me incredibly depressed to witness everyone living a typical teenage experience while I just regressed alone. I remember crying in class and nobody, not even a teacher, checking if I was doing okay. I was always invisible to everyone because I was so quiet and the teachers only cared about the problem kids. I was silently suffering everyday but nobody even cared. The support for ASD was just to fill out emotions sheets and read books that were for literal children as if we were intellectually challenged.

Everyday, I would just waste away at home and become more depressed. My Father did care somewhat and at least took me to sports training. I was a weirdo there too, so I eventually stopped attending. My Mother would berate me for not going to school and then tell me that I didn't need school. She would laugh at me for mentioning college, like full blown laughter and mocking. She told me to sign up to welfare as my future and I'm not even exaggerating. Her aspirations for me were a disability cheque. I failed out of school in the end because she tried to start me on a homeschooling programme (it was the schools idea), and it was just over a Teams call. The teacher did not care one bit and actually started making fun of me because I didn't know something. Sometimes they would not even show up. I just gave up and stopped showing too.

I went to college through an alternative route, kind of like community college in my country, and now I am doing a degree that is a bit of a dead-end. I still have no friends because I cannot relate to my peers and homeschooling is not really a thing here, so I can't relate to people like that either. People are shocked when I confess that I have no friends. Apparently I am perceived as normal and polite by others, but they also seem to sense something different about me. I have been described as someone that cannot be put into a box and not like anyone that they have ever met. It makes me feel so alone and I have desperately tried to mold myself into some form of social identity despite being 22 years old at this stage. It doesn't help that I am 2-3 years older than my college peers too. I never had friends at work and just ate my lunch alone. Everywhere that I go, I will always end up alone or with surface level acquaintances at best. Even my extended family pretend that I do not exist for some reason.

This is going to sound quite sad but I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 months and I literally thought to myself after 2 weeks, "this is what it must feel like to be a normal person" and broke down. It was like all the hurt of my isolation just hit me at once. I am struggling to move past the wasted years, especially now knowing what it is like to be considered valuable by someone. I was so lonely during my teenage years that I would talk to random older men and women online and inperson when I could. I knew what was happening but I didn't care because I just wanted to feel like I mattered to someone. I feel disgusted at myself for that, but I know that I was a product of my circumstances too.

I am hoping that someone on here might have a similar experience. Thank you for listening to my story.

reddit.com
u/AliveImagination2323 — 8 days ago

Is it normal to feel disgusted at your own appearance?

For context, I am 22 but have always felt this way. I remember feeling too fat at around 7 years old despite being a regular/healthy weight. I used to do full body-checks in the mirror at that age. I really hated my appearance throughout my teen years, but I always put that down to regular puberty stuff. I was quite underweight because I was depressed and convinced that I was overweight no matter how low I got on the scales. I didn't even develop breasts or get my period until I was almost 17 because I exercised excessively and had a 16 BMI. From age 18 to 19, I would only go outside in an oversized hoodie, cap, and glasses to hide myself. I literally could not leave the house without hiding myself because I was convinced that everyone was as disgusted by my presence as I was. I tried to become more confident at 20, but I still feel so uncomfortable with my body and face.

I will cry if I look in the mirror and public bathrooms are my worst nightmare because I will catch a glimpse of myself and it genuinely ruins my day. I rarely take photos because I will critique them for hours. When my boyfriend sends me pictures of myself, I feel sick to my stomach and wonder if he is embarrassed to be seen with me. People have told me that I am pretty, but I can't see it. I don't even have a mirror in my bedroom anymore because it has caused many a breakdown. I cry almost everytime that I do my makeup infront of the mirror. And I will feel even worse about myself before and during my period, so for two whole weeks every month. I just want to crawl out of my skin most days because I hate how I look. I even hate my voice and mannerisms. I sometimes feel good about myself when I am drunk, which means that I blackout everytime that I drink so that I can feel confident for once.

During my childhood, I was not allowed to bathe or shower because I grew up poor and my Mother believed that I did everything wrong and always made a mess. I would be shouted at nearly everyday about being dirty or disgusting despite not being allowed access to the shower. I wasn't even allowed to wash my hair, so I had oily hair all the time and sometimes my Mother would wash my hair while screaming at me and threatening to send me away for being useless. I just grew up believing that I was disgusting because of that. I can realise now that it wasn't even my fault. My mother would even refuse to take pictures sometimes unless I put makeup on. She also used to get annoyed at my clothes a lot and berate me for my "gender neutral" clothing. Everything was from the women's section, but I preferred oversized things because I hated my body. I feel like my childhood has definitely contributed to how I feel now.

I'm not even sure if this regular insecurities anymore or full blown body dysmorphia. Even if it is then I probably won't be taken seriously or get any help. I had an older male psychiatrist just go on about how pretty that I was and he made comments about my body, and I don't know how that was supposed to be helpful because it just made me super uncomfortable. Is this normal or something that I need help for?

reddit.com
u/AliveImagination2323 — 8 days ago