i (F18) got into a misunderstanding with my bf (M21) because he doesn't buy me stuffs
i recently had a fight with my boyfriend and i feel really guilty about it. for context, we’ve been together for 3 years. he comes from a lower middle class family while i’m from an upper middle class one. don’t get me wrong — he still pays for our dates and anniversaries whenever he can, and he’s honestly such a good boyfriend overall.
but lately i’ve been feeling jealous when i see my friends’ relationships. their boyfriends buy them concert tickets, random snacks, matcha, flowers, little gifts “just because,” and i realized i’ve never really experienced that. earlier, i jokingly asked my boyfriend if he could buy me a matcha, and he replied with “we don’t have money.” at first i wasn’t upset, but later i started overthinking because he does receive stipends and allowance as a scholar.
i think what really triggered me is the fear that even when he becomes financially stable someday, he’ll still be extremely matipid and i’ll never get to experience those “pretty” things or fancy dates. i feel so bad even typing that because i genuinely love him so much and he really is the perfect guy in so many ways.
the joke about the matcha eventually turned into a bigger fight because i brought up how he doesn’t save money well, etc. now i feel guilty because i know he’s still a college student and doesn’t come from privilege like i do. but at the same time, there’s still a part of me thinking, “if he wanted to, he would.”
i honestly can’t tell if my feelings are valid or if i’m just struggling to see the bigger picture because of the lifestyle i grew up with. has anyone been in a similar situation? how do you stop comparing your relationship to others without invalidating your own wants too?