I have had a professor whose interactions with him was so pleasant but it's just normal professional interactions. I can't help but fantasize about him being family, even though I never had a healthy family dynamic. Maybe because I feel safe around him or he feels familiar. I wish he would somehow adopt me.
My PI told me that when he criticizes me, I seem to take it very personally because I visibly look sad. When something goes wrong, I usually blame myself or try to explain myself instead of blaming others, and he says I don’t need to be so defensive.
For example, someone once explained a topic to me. Later, my PI asked whether that person had explained a specific part. I said no, but I also said maybe I misunderstood and that I could read about it myself, because I didn’t want the other person to be blamed for not teaching me properly.
There was another time when my PI asked me to explain something and I couldn’t. He said my supervisor must have done a terrible job explaining it to me. I immediately defended my supervisor and said he guides me well and that I probably just didn’t understand properly. My PI then said I was being protective of him and that he likes to joke around. He looked very sad and insecure of making that joke. I feel like he walks on egg shells with jokes around me now..
I think I get defensive because I feel guilty when others are blamed because of me. I also find it harder to understand spoken explanations and usually learn better when things are written down. I want to understand why I react this way and how I can work on it.
My PI told me that when he criticizes me, I seem to take it very personally because I visibly look sad. When something goes wrong, I usually blame myself or try to explain myself instead of blaming others, and he says I don’t need to be so defensive.
For example, someone once explained a topic to me. Later, my PI asked whether that person had explained a specific part. I said no, but I also said maybe I misunderstood and that I could read about it myself, because I didn’t want the other person to be blamed for not teaching me properly.
There was another time when my PI asked me to explain something and I couldn’t. He said my supervisor must have done a terrible job explaining it to me. I immediately defended my supervisor and said he guides me well and that I probably just didn’t understand properly. My PI then said I was being protective of him and that he likes to joke around. He looked very sad and insecure of making that joke. I feel like he walks on egg shells with jokes around me now..
I think I get defensive because I feel guilty when others are blamed because of me. I also find it harder to understand spoken explanations and usually learn better when things are written down. I want to understand why I react this way and how I can work on it.
My group leader told me that whenever he criticizes me, I shouldn't take it too personally because I think I visibly look sad whenever he does. I never try to blame others and I shift the blame onto myself, or try to justify it and then he tells me I don't have to be so defensive. Once, I had a session with someone to explain something to me. My group leader asked me if he explained X, I said no but then that I might have misunderstood and that I can read about it myself, as he blamed him for not teaching me. He tends to shift the blame on those who taught me but it makes me guilty because most of the time I don't get things unless written down, and I am not so good at understanding people sometimes when they talk.
There was also another incidence in which he was asking me to explain something, I failed and he blamed my supervisor saying "he must have done a terrible job explaining it to you". I told him that no he guides me well but I probably didn't understand. He told me "I see, you are getting protective of him. You know I like to joke a lot". It made me incredibly sad hearing him saying that and he also looked sad. I don't know why I get defensive and get scared of having others being blamed because of me. How do I work on this?
I have someone in my life that I desperately wanted to connect with. I keep having this dream or vision which is pretty weird. I am sitting infront of him at first, he already revealed to me his vulnerabilities before without knowing about mine, and that I am the same. I see him scarred and wounded infront of me, with a spear piercing his chest. His wound reflects what happened to him and it is projected right next to me, where I am sitting, infront of him. I then reveal to him mine, as I slowly show my wounds and that I am just the same. I do so as I sit infront of him at first, to introduce it to him. It is projected then right next to him. I then shift my sitting position to be next to him, so that our wounds would be blending together and projected right infront of us. It would merge in a way. He would then understand. I would then place my hands on top of his wound and tell him that I feel the same. This vision kept repeating for days, that I lost sleep over it. Is this normal? My own interpretation is that I am desperately trying to connect with him in their sadness. but I am wondering if there is a deeper meaning or if we are somehow connected. In real life, I wrote him a letter to share how I felt about a certain tragic event I went through and he told me that he felt the same because it happened to him as well. This dream was reoccurring before the conversation I had with him. Ever since we talked, I no longer had this dream.
It is very silly but I have been in the lab for three months and so. Sometimes it is okay, but other times I get extremely shy around him like I would blush as soon as I see him and can't form coherent sentences at all during the meetings. I don't know why is that and it makes me feel so silly. He told me before that he notices that I am shy but I really don't know why. In the last meeting, he joked about it and asked me to take a deep breath to form a coherent sentence. I get very anxious and a little giggly from anxiety. I don't know. I get intimidated by him even though he is very kind and supportive. Does this happen to anyone else? I am also 25 so it's a bit embarrassing...