u/Alternative-Pay-447

So , I have decent laptop that can run a lot of games at decent fps , for example marvel rivals 122fps on average and 120 fps on where winds meet( with cap).

I know there are people with low end laptop want to play their fav games but isn't available to them .

Right now I have gta 5 , if anyone wants to play with their own save file .

I think this idea would be good , just don't know where should I reach out.

The pricing is negotiable.

Artful writers and aspirants.

I want help again , last time i couldn't convey my intention due to my shortcomings but i want to be clear this time.( Before you go on , i want some help to improve my vocabulary and writing structure. What can i do if English is not my first language?)

1.I am writing this as a first draft , so the edition might be a short coming .

2. I am trying to get the feedback , mostly about my current story. The criteria includes , pacing , originality , immersion and narration.

3. I usually write , in a way with lots of mistakes in spelling while trying to experience my scene , so i usually made mistakes in earlier chapters , there might be still some . I will try my best to use a i , to minimize that.

So to prove that i wrote this and not ai , i have updated a picture of word from my laptop.

https://preview.redd.it/odhm0tvdn4mh1.png?width=944&format=png&auto=webp&s=0621c36fc6520d52c37ba07e8951af95db987699

4. Also , i have made lot of narration mistakes of writing full block of sentences during dialogues , i will modify it later.

so , i will be glad for your help.

"""Crimson blue

Hansel’s blood was sucked dry from her face, her lips pursed.

Greg watched Hansel’s back intently. He furrowed his brow, trying to piece together the sudden occurrence. Our poor Hansel, her shaking breath, one inhale and exhale.

She turned back, facing Greg. Her face, pale as ice.

“Greg, let’s talk about this, as you might not like it.”

Greg’s furrowed brows soon turned to a frown of hostility. His eyes squinted at the sight of a shaking Hansel, seeing her clutch the envelope. Both followed to the couch. On the mighty long couch, both sat at opposite ends, facing each other.

Hansel looked at the fibers of the cover, trying to find its history of knit.

Greg calmly watched his wife, behaving like a guilty suspect. His arms crossed, jaw clenched.

Hansel coped with the feel of the necklace.

“Greg, I was pissed that you stopped caring. All for what? Just because I said something about your job and family.” Her pale face accompanied a slow furrow of her brows.

“You remember your cousin Jason, who was at your brother's wedding? When I was already devastated by my grandfather’s death, you left me there, enjoying yourself with your brothers while I was tearful. Until Jason came and talked to me, that was the first time in weeks that I laughed.”

Hansel slowly lost her grip, her doe eyes watching Greg’s face.

Greg was gradually preparing for the upcoming horror.

“But after that wedding, he started calling me every day. In two days of his calling, I realized this was wrong and refused to talk, and threatened him. But...” Hansel closed her eyes, gripping tighter to her necklace and also the envelope.

Greg, pale-faced, sat on the couch, his fingers interlocked in his lap.

A moth flew from the window and over to the lamp at the center table of the living room. Greg blinked and turned towards the insect on his right.

Hansel breathed heavily, the sounds of her sniffs mixing with the faint sound of Lily’s classical taste in music, soothing.

“Today, I tried to rewrite our mistakes, but you—” Hansel started sobbing, tears falling onto the fibers of the couch. Greg clenched his teeth, head down, gulping.

“Why didn’t you show this warmth this morning, why?” Hansel's shrieking sounds got louder, her cheeks getting red.

Greg looked up at Hansel’s face. He reached out to embrace Hansel’s wrist. Hansel widened her eyes.

“I am sorry, but please tell me you didn’t do something you shouldn’t have,” Greg said, enveloping Hansel’s wrist, his forearms twitching, still gentle.

Hansel wiped her tears, pressing her wrist to her cheeks, sniffing hard. “No, today was the worst. He called me again. As usual, I threatened him, but somehow he found out that I was not in a good mood today.”

Hansel and Greg both held each other’s arms. Greg was still grinding his jaw, unlike his gentle grip.

“He came to the house. I threatened him for good, but he still was hopeful and said he will wait for me tomorrow. I simply shut the door and now this envelope from him.”

Greg finally withdrew his arms. Hansel's face froze, her hands shaking.

Hansel jerked her hands back to her face, covering it again. “You know the reason I forgave your mistake after weeks was because a workaholic colleague divorced his wife of six years because she was having an affair.”

Greg’s face went dark, void of emotional expression. He stood up. He walked into his room, leaving Hansel on the couch, sobbing through her hands, and in just a moment walked back with a blanket and a cushion.

“Hansel, I am tired today, it is better if we talk tomorrow.” Greg set down his pillow to the side he sat on. Hansel looked up at Greg.

I wish I could see the expression on Greg’s face that made Hansel run to her room and shut the door.

Greg lay down on the couch, looking at me, and then turned off the lamp at his arm’s length. In the dark, I could faintly see the shine in Greg’s eyes, staring at the ceiling.

The crickets echoed. The wind's voice and the rhythm of the clock over me. All of it and its essence, drowning the atmosphere. I could see bean-sized drops of light from Greg’s cheek.

The ceiling with a fan and light. Nothing much. Greg slowly pushed away the blanket.

Clasping both his hands together, a brilliant light reflected from the street lamp onto his ring finger. His fingers rubbing and turning the precious piece of metal. His breathing a little shallow, gulping in this quiet room alongside me.

I still remember the day they both walked through this door for the first time, newly married, negotiating with the realtor over the options. They were inseparable, and their smiles brightened the day. I was annoyed with their bright smiles and laughter. It was suffocating. Their first disagreement in the house about dishes from the first pizza noon. It was annoying and numb. However, they stepped into the wrong house to choose their future.

It is peaceful now. Very quiet.

The ring on Greg’s finger twisted and turned violently. I could still see traces of an ugly expression in the dark. Soon Greg pulled away the ring from his finger and looked through it once, before setting it down on the table with a long yawn and a sigh.

Soon Greg’s breathing became stable and annoying. But look, Hansel walking through her corridor. Behind her, the light from her room projected onto the floor.

Hansel, quietly walking on her toes, soon walked through the moonlight to reach Greg.

Her chest frozen, a long exhale. Then she whispered standing near the couch, looking intently at Greg, shining light from her cheeks.

Greg’s breathing wasn’t hindered. Hansel wiped her cheek and sniffed, but frozen for a second, she watched intently at something on the table.

In just a moment, her eyes widened and she reached for the object. It was the ring.

The same wedding ring that Greg refused to remove even after Hansel wanted to gift him a better one. The same ring that Greg cared for silently for years in the living room.

Hansel’s expressions were not clear; however, the white was clearly visible and expanding in her eyes. She quickly put down the ring on the table. She pursed her mouth so hard that I could hear the grunted sobs. She quickly jerked away from the couch, knelt down, and started sobbing silently. She slowly got up, walking through the corridor, swiping her forearms over her eyes, and—Dang. She slammed the door hard.

The gloom of the moonlight drifting on the planks, fading in the presence of dawn.

Soon the noise of the water sprinkler from the neighbors was audible. As the night went on, the ring stayed motionless and dead.

Soon, Hansel walked through the door of her room in an oversized t-shirt and pajamas. Her hair spread like a web, her eyes dimmer than her skin. Her head down, she glided into the kitchen, drank water, and sighed. She looked towards me. Motionless. Void of expression.

Her hands frozen in the air, she sipped again from the bottle, but her eyes never drifted away. Soon she walked back to her room, her steps quick and stompy.

Soon the orange-yellow dew of sunlight crept through the curtains. It seemed the Sunday was going to be beautiful. Greg, still asleep.

Hansel, with a fresh look on her face, walked up through the corridor, her hair neatly tied and her clothes less disheveled.

It makes it more interesting that I can't control them.

Carrying a phone in her hand, she walked near the curtain, opening it up. The light shone bright, illuminating Greg’s brows and wrinkles, and also the expression on Hansel’s face as she saw the ring shining brightly on the table.

Greg’s eye twitched; soon his body showed signs of movement.

Hansel, watching her husband intently, staring at the window, clicked a few buttons on the phone and held it to her ear. The buzz was not audible anymore.

“I want to raise a complaint of stalking and harassment. I am Hansel McKinay, reporting Jordan McKinay.” Hansel's speech was articulate and complete. Her eyes darted towards the silhouette of Greg, her eyes hopeful.

Greg’s eyes held a look of disappointment, but he breathed a sigh of relief as he eavesdropped on Hansel’s words. His expression was very complicated, his eyes flickering with anger.

“Okay, I will be there at the station by noon. Thank you.” Hansel breathed a sigh of relief, watching the sky, leaning onto the glass window. Her body eased up from a burden.

Soon the everyday alarm rang. Lily‘s room was in turmoil, and quickly the ringing was turned off.

“I will be there in 10 minutes,” a voice rang out in the big, cold room.

Greg jolted awake from his fake sleep, turned over, and got up with the ring in his fist. He looked at Hansel working in the kitchen.

Hansel, in a quick glance, looked toward Greg with doe eyes. Her hand movements grew slower and slower, the scratching sound of the pan fainter and fainter.

This moment of unfamiliarity passed, until Greg walked to the counter. His head stable and focused.

His expression invisible to me, he raised his hands to his chest. The expression on Hansel’s face darkened by the second, and the pan’s contents finally started to burn.

In a panic, Hansel switched off the flame, watching Greg with intent. Her lips dried up and her breath grew shallow. In a moment, with a few gestures from Greg, his hands lowered without the ring.

I would love to see the fallout of the marriage, poor Hansel. Hehe.

Hansel's chest heaved with relief. Her eyes finally closed, welling up with tears, her hands covering her mouth.

These pigs of my game.

In just a moment, Greg walked off into his room. And based on Hansel’s reaction, there was no sign of the ring.

"""

That is it , I hope you will be kind enough for some pointers.

Guys , I was interested in continuing while story i once started , this is the first chapter, so do give me feedback.

*Echoing Name

'Everybody around looking towards her in despair and hatred. She was confused of this commotion. She had no reason to feel anything at the moment because she lacked a life of a 'Person', therefore empty inside'. Marie had no feeling of fear but pain while she was bet mercilessly by a drunk man, who have envy over any human who has pleasant clothes to wear and a very pleasant life than his. He was drunk to escape the reality that his life started from the most bottom of any society and yet going to die there. The slum seemed like hell for him.

The man with a bottle of rum in his hands seeing a girl moving in a decent clothes, envy of the him took over him, with only tone of despise yet envy says, "Why do you all scum get all the nice things,..., Why do you get such a pleasant life why not me?" his eyes were almost in tears, showing his sufferings of life.

The rage inside him made him take a stone, a weapon to destroy someone who got a better life. He relentlessly beat her even after all his anger was gone. Marie felt a lot of pain, this seemed like the first time she had felt such a pain, all the energy mostly gone but something awakened, an Instinct. The instinct of survival took her and the next thing she saw was that the man was stabbed by her, the man seemed dead but she stabbed him again and again until her body relaxed and she felt the man won't get up anymore.

The evening was quite unpleasant as the dusty dark clouds wavered over Marie. Her body was in pain. But all this seemed very strange for a 15 year girl to have instinct of blood lust rather than survival. The clouds grew darker and darker, Marie was terrified being too close to death but has overcame it not as a human but something else. She was covered in blood of someone on her hands unusually excited her. When she took her leap to get up and reach the orphanage. She saw people in her sight, all of them shouting and loud chatter of people who saw all of these happening to one their man. Every one of those people showed expressions of hatred towards her.

Of all the people some called out saying, "Stay Away from her!.. The Devil has sent his demon in this girl!...Stay Away!". Everybody's expression changed to fear and fear only. Eventually everyone started calling her out as "Rakshashi", something forbidden was heard which meant "Demon Girl". The dark clouds started shouting with thunder, all those people called her, "Rakshashi", this name was more familiar to her than her own name. The name echoed through the world to mark birth of something evil..

Moon and stars are both alike

Brighther to me

And harder to hide

Tell why is it

Faster to die

Tell me why is it

Hard to find my life

In this world of lies...

I have asked myself the same

But not the tone you would expect

I have lived through the question

But not the answer you expected

Is it me that gets caged

Is it me that lives like a cage

Who am I to this question

Before me

I must have a purpose of what ?

Of love

Of luxury

Of fame

Of money

But the desire no longer exists

I am floating on the edge of life

Clinging to nothing

Some say it is blessing

It is curse in its truest

The strings that bounded me to life

From my childhood are no longer there

The bliss I felt from smallest of pleasure

Are no longer there

Is it good to not feel anything

Why would question a corpse

That's right

I am walking corpse

You find me walking

You find me eating

You find me sleeping .

But I am alivei haven't felt anything

Is there a space for me

Is there a purpose for me

Is there love for me

I want to bath in pain

So that I feel alive again

I want to drown in sufferings

So that it stops feeling hollow

I wish to seek the sky

But never understand what to seek

Is it death, Is it life

Oh , I forgot

Is it how to live again ?

So sky tell me ??