AITAH for not wanting to give wedding gift?
I have a family member is getting married this summer, they’ve been with their fiancé for about 2 years now. We have only met the fiancé a handful of times, usually at family functions. So not a close relationship at all.
They are having a joint stag party and bridal shower next weekend. We are unable to attend due to prior commitments that we couldn’t get out of. We let the planners (bride and grooms mothers are both planning) that we wouldn’t be able to attend but are looking forward to the wedding. The groom’s mother reached out to us 3 separate times after we declined the invite to ask us to contribute to a group gift the bride & groom are receiving at their party. To avoid conflict, we contributed $50, which was recommended by the grooms mother as that’s what everyone else was giving.
I made a comment to the groom’s aunt that I found it rather tacky to be asking people for money for a gift even if they aren’t attending the event. I explained we gave $50, but won’t be giving a lot for a wedding gift now. The aunt got very offended and said we need to match what they gifted us at our wedding. The bride and groom were not together at our wedding. We received $20 cash at a bridal shower and $40 cash at our wedding from the groom. I told the aunt if we are doing tit for tat, we only need to gift $10. Obviously that was me being sarcastic but it offended the aunt. However, we’ve already given $50, need to travel 3.5 hours to a wedding, take a day off of work (wedding is a Friday) and pay for a hotel.
I’m very put off because it’s beginning to seem very transactional to me. The bride & groom are both in early 30’s, own a home together and both have excellent jobs (they often brag about their finances). I’m starting to not see a point in giving anything further because it’s meant to be a wedding, not a payday. I never once thought about being gifted money when we got married.
TLDR; AITAH for not wanting to give a gift to a bride & groom after being guilted to give money for a bridal shower/stag party we are unable to attend?