Hello! I’m hoping I can express this in a way that makes sense and hopefully someone has some advice for me.
Art has been the love of my life since I was a kid. My earliest social medias dedicated to it are from ~about 2012. I spent years dreaming of being a booth artist at the conventions I attended. Hoped one day I could build a name for myself with my characters and illustrations. Highschool and eventually college was entirely illustration focused for me. My family was pretty against it, and had refused any sort of support for me during college.
Where it started- 2nd semester of college. I could not for the life of me get a single finished piece out of myself. There were days I would refuse to let myself sleep until I at least attempted some sort of progress. Worried I was being too distracted by the stuff in my apartment, I would drive to the Walmart parking lot and sit there all night with nothing but my phone and art supplies. All nighters on top of working full time on top of full time education… Decided I must not be fully committed and dropped out of college. There was too much embarrassment to go back.
It has been 2 years since. Every time I even consider picking up a pencil I feel nauseous and spiral into a panic attack. On the occasions I can get something out of my system, I never feel any enjoyment or pride as I once did. Finishing anything leaves a bad taste in my mouth or I mentally beat myself up over it. I abandoned my art focus social media in 2024. Mustering up the courage to share my work is impossible. I’ve tried different styles, mediums, subjects, and I just cannot get the spark I once had back. My peers just graduated, and seeing their success makes me loathe myself even more. I lost my passion and feel like I’ve lost my purpose. It makes me sick.
Please any advice or suggestions would be great.