u/Alternative_Olive742

So I recently started talking to a guy from my school who openly likes me, (he already confessed) and I think I've started liking him too. The problem is that once things became emotionally real, I started overthinking everything.

Today my mother found out about it.

My mother is a teacher and she taught both of us in school. Back then, he had a pretty notorious "backbencher/unserious student" reputation in school, which is a big reason she already had a negative impression of him, even though she knows he is genuinely a good human being. We are both in first year of college now.

He's also very different from the kind of person I always imagined myselt dating, and there are genuine lifestyle/family compatibility concerns that make me hesitant. For example, he smokes, which I really don't appreciate. He says he wants to quit and apparently hasn't smoked in a month, but I also don't want to date someone expecting them to change for me.

He was also very openly flirty and emotionally expressive from the start, and I did reciprocate that energy. I flirted back because I genuinely enjoyed talking to him and I think that's part of why I feel so guilty and conflicted now. I suddenly feel responsible for his feelings and like I "owe" him emotional certainty that I honestly don't have yet.

Part of my mother's concern is also that our families come from very different social/cultural backgrounds and she genuinely thinks I may struggle to adjust in that kind of environment long term, especially because she herself struggled a lot after her own love marriage.

Her reaction became extremely emotional, which overwhelmed me even more.

At the same time, I don't think it's fair to reject someone immediately just because future complications might exist before properly getting to know them.

So now I'm stuck between:

1. continuing to talk to him slowly and seeing where things naturally go
2. trying to pull back and become "just friends"
3. ending it before he gets more attached
4. wondering whether I'm only panicking because everything suddenly became too real

Am I overthinking this entire thing? Or are these actually valid concerns to have this early on?

So I recently started talking to a guy from my school who openly likes me, (he already confessed) and I think I've started liking him too. The problem is that once things became emotionally real, I started overthinking everything.

Today my mother found out about it.

My mother is a teacher and she taught both of us in school. Back then, he had a pretty notorious "backbencher/unserious student" reputation in school, which is a big reason she already had a negative impression of him, even though she knows he is genuinely a good human being. We are both in first year of college now.

He's also very different from the kind of person I always imagined myselt dating, and there are genuine lifestyle/family compatibility concerns that make me hesitant. For example, he smokes, which I really don't appreciate. He says he wants to quit and apparently hasn't smoked in a month, but I also don't want to date someone expecting them to change for me.

He was also very openly flirty and emotionally expressive from the start, and I did reciprocate that energy. I flirted back because I genuinely enjoyed talking to him and I think that's part of why I feel so guilty and conflicted now. I suddenly feel responsible for his feelings and like I "owe" him emotional certainty that I honestly don't have yet.

Part of my mother's concern is also that our families come from very different social/cultural backgrounds and she genuinely thinks I may struggle to adjust in that kind of environment long term, especially because she herself struggled a lot after her own love marriage.

Her reaction became extremely emotional, which overwhelmed me even more.

At the same time, I don't think it's fair to reject someone immediately just because future complications might exist before properly getting to know them.

So now I'm stuck between:

1. continuing to talk to him slowly and seeing where things naturally go
2. trying to pull back and become "just friends"
3. ending it before he gets more attached
4. wondering whether I'm only panicking because everything suddenly became too real

Am I overthinking this entire thing? Or are these actually valid concerns to have this early on?