u/Alternative_Play9827

4 years ago, I had a massive crush on a close friend - let's call her L. Asked her out, got rejected, stayed friends, lost feelings after a while. Yesterday, I went to a game night with friends, and she was there too. And like usual, I felt super comfortable with her, we laughed so much together, and we always immediately understood each other with just a look. And I realised, what I'm looking for in a relationship is literally another her. Someone else that I connect with the way I do with her, can vibe with like with her, but also have mutual romantic feelings for. But that's the issue. There is no other "her", just like there's no other me or you. Even though there's no real romantic feelings or butterflies anymore, I still wish things went differently, or that I could meet someone else like her. So now I'm back home, lying alone in bed, feeling empty and sad, wishing for that one in a million connection with someone...

It's been 2.5 years since we last spoke. And as much as I don't want to admit it, damn I miss you sometimes. I keep wishing we had one last conversation where everything was just normal. I keep wishing to see you one last time, to ask you how you're doing, tell you about the stuff that's happened in my life recently. But I know you don't want to hear it. We don't talk anymore for a reason, after all. Looking back, I do realise the friendship wasn't meant to be. I finally do see that you weren't the person you once were. That your humility slowly faded until you looked down on everyone, that you saw every attention your friends gave as them secretly wanting you. And yet still, I feel bad about things that happened. About how I vented too much to you to the point of every conversation turning sad. About how socially awkward I was so many times. We were both toxic for each other. And yet, years later, I still wish we would talk one last time.