Need Islamic and legal advice for my friend’s marriage (Pakistan)
I'm writing this on behalf of a very close friend because she's emotionally exhausted and doesn't know what to do anymore. I would really appreciate advice based on Islam, as well as practical advice from people familiar with Pakistani family dynamics and family law.
My friend is only 25 years old. She has been married for about 7 years and has two young daughters. Her husband works abroad and has not come back to Pakistan for around 2.5 years. During this time, she has been living with her in-laws.
Her marriage has been full of problems for years.
Her husband has verbally abused her countless times. He has also physically assaulted her in the past when he was in Pakistan. He regularly insults her family, especially her mother, and whenever there is any disagreement in the extended family, he threatens to send her back to her parents' house.
He doesn't provide enough financial support for her and the children despite working abroad. He also says degrading things, such as joking about getting a white girlfriend in Spain, he openly catcalls women to disrespect her, and generally behaving in ways that don't reflect good Islamic character.
One thing that makes this even more painful is that her late father was a very respected and influential person in the family. While he was alive, everyone treated her with respect because they feared his authority. Sadly, he passed away not long after her marriage, and according to my friend, things gradually became much worse after his death.
Her elder brother and widowed mother have spent years trying to save this marriage. They have tried everything they could think of to keep peace between the families. They have overlooked countless insults, bought expensive gifts for her husband and his family, remained respectful even when they weren't treated the same way, and continuously encouraged reconciliation. Despite all of this, the abuse and threats have continued.
Another ongoing issue is family politics. There is one particular aunt with whom my friend's family has a strained relationship because of past disrespect and insults toward her mother. Because of this, my friend sometimes keeps interactions with that aunt to a minimum. This single issue has become the excuse that many relatives use to criticize her and justify the way her husband behaves, while the much more serious issues in the marriage are ignored.
Her husband is expected to return to Pakistan in about six months for two family weddings (one is her brother’s).
He has said that he will not even go to her brother’s wedding, said some abusive things them and mocks her that he will come but to make it seem that is coming to her brother’s wedding but will not go in order to torment them. This time she fears that this matter will likely be on the extremes and the only thing to being peace is separation instead of having to listen to threats every single day.
There is one issue that is causing the family immense pain. If the marriage reaches the point where khula or divorce becomes the only option, what should happen with the children?
Her elder brother absolutely adores his nieces and would happily help raise and support them if they came back with their mother. Their grandmother also loves them dearly and wants them to remain close. However, because of the cultural reality in Pakistan, the family worries that a very young divorced woman with two children may face greater difficulty rebuilding her life or remarrying. At the same time, they also fear that asking her to leave her daughters behind could have a devastating emotional impact on both the children and the mother.
They are torn between what may seem practical from a cultural perspective and what is truly best according to Islam and for the long-term well-being of the children. They do not want to make a decision that either harms the children or unfairly burdens the mother.
My questions are:
* From an Islamic perspective, what rights does she have?
* Does ongoing verbal abuse, past physical abuse, inadequate financial support, humiliation, and constant threats justify seeking a divorce or khula if he refuses to change?
* What would Islam recommend before taking such a step?
* From an Islamic perspective, what would be the best approach regarding the children if the marriage ends?
* For those familiar with Pakistani family law, how are custody and child maintenance usually handled in situations like this?
* If you were advising your own daughter or sister, what practical steps would you recommend before her husband returns to Pakistan?