u/AmItheasshole-393

I'll do my best to explain my feelings w/o sounding like a game of thrones character.

Despite hating my mom as a person, I'm still jealous of the way literally everyone in my family treats her. People automatically side with her, despite all logic. Every time she enters a room, things shift till she's at the center. The family works and flexes around her interests and neuroses. Dad actually bothers to parent her. She's allowed to be as weird as she wants, and I'm the problem for pointing that out.

If I had all these things, I wouldn't ruin them by being miserable, and choosing to treat other people like shit. I'd have the flexibility to actually solve the problems I have. I know all of this isn't about how she's just a naturally more lovable person- it's a consequences of enabling abuse being the path of least resistance. And yet, the feeling remains and is almost overpowering in its intensity.

I barely even like my other family either- I just want them to treat me like they treat her, and not because I'm forcing them into that behavior. That's probably not a healthy relationship model, but.

Do you feel this way to? How the fuck do you get over it, or at least get on top of it enough that it doesn't make you act stupid?

Posting here since I don't think anyone in my life can really relate to what I'm about to say, and I just need help even beginning to cope with all these emotions.

I'm autistic (low support needs, not that that should matter!) and when I was a toddler a bit of my hearing was knocked out by an illness. Despite having actual diagnoses I can point to, the number one unwritten rule in this house is to not be disabled.

If I talk too loudly, that's an issue. If I need silence to hear a phone call, I've got to plan around the natural patterns of the house. God forbid I stim in front of them, or even in my own space. They never mention any of this about me unless I bring it up first, and then act like I violated some unspoken peace treaty when I do.

My question is that these are well-educated people with medical backgrounds. They logically knew having a disabled child was a possibility, and even that they had family history for a lot of shit I easily could have inherited. Genuinely, why put in all the time and money to have a biological child, if they wanted an abled child so much? You could just adopt one. God knows my mother suggested it enough times because I was "ungrateful"

Why live in denial about this?

It keeps prompting me to use the miniplayer. I've tried this, and it won't go away! Deeply annoying. I am not a new user, so I've got zero idea why it is doing this now.

https://preview.redd.it/4q82g9xt4r7h1.png?width=557&format=png&auto=webp&s=ff18fd564d7cff09fe3055af7fbfb7d83100468b

Why are they so damn unreasonable about pets? I've been telling my parents for literal years that forcing me to walk the dog in heatstroke conditions is cruel, and that we've been locked out of the house on multiple occasions because of it, the longest being an hour in 90 degrees F with no water. Occasionally, they'd tweak the times he walks at, or tell me one time but get bitchy if I didn't do it by another. This, plus essentially training the dog to have separation anxiety makes living here a nightmare. (Trust me, I can't move out. It's one of my life goals, I'm working on it.)

Today, she decided to send her flying monkey of a husband to tell me to walk him at least two hours later than normal, since it's hot out. (It isn't even August yet, don't talk to me about hot!) Got real uppity when I rightfully pointed out this'd be cool to know before I planned my day around the old times. Asked for further clarification on what the actual rules are. No response.

Can someone smarter than me figure out what the fucking deal is? Why be so rigid and sadistic 99% of the time, but not enough that I can actually feel safe about this?

It's been ages since I posted here, so haiku at bottom of the post.

Objectively, I hate my family throwing a birthday party for me, and talking exclusively about the family profession that everyone works in but me, while faking emotion for the most surface-level gifts imaginable. You could argue this is the closest to respecting my boundaries these people ever get. No way did she expect me to check her calendar, so it isn't passive-aggressive either.

It still hurts like a bitch (pun-intended) that my mom has a golden child, and it's her fur baby. I'm actually jealous of a dog, the hallmark of shitty boyfriends everywhere. The only thing keeping me from vindictively marking it is that she didn't write dad's either, though there's still time for her to do so.

Needed to tell someone that'd understand why this objectively silly thing is ruining my day.

Icon's a fictional cat

I can't show my actual cat because

Nobody knows this is me