u/Amandatheeauthor

Hiiii friends. My hair is at an awkward length and I don’t know what to do so I’m hoping the curly community can help.

I’ve been trying to grow my hair out for 2 years from a pixie. The length is just below my shoulders and I’ve got a grown out shag haircut that looked gorgeous back in November when I cut my hair last.

Right now I’ve noticed my curls are falling flat or not holding shape no matter how much I clarify or diffuse or deep condition or protein treat (not all at once, it’s been like this for a few weeks now).

I’m so frustrated I’m tempted to just stop growing it out altogether and be a pixie princess for life…. But I wonder if I’ve gone too long without a cut and may need to sacrifice some length to get my hair back to health. I’ve noticed that some of the ends are a little thinner than before as well.

I’ve included photos of my hair now and a few from when I had a slightly longer pixie, which was the length I liked.

Routine:
\-weekly: Panteen Pro V Volume Shampoo and conditioner (shampoo 2x)
\- monthly: Pattern clarifying shampoo and lightweight conditioner (shampoo 2x)
\- as needed: Paul Mitchell tea tree scalp scrub
\- styling: Paul Mitchell tea tree leave in conditioner, Cake Curl Whip mousse OR The Doux Crazy Sexy Curl honey foam. Comb through with wide tooth comb and diffuse until 90% dry
\- sleep: with a bonnet every night

I've spent my life being the available one. The communicator, planner, the one who will inconvenience myself at other's expense. But I don't do that anymore, and now I'm apparently selfish, and put my relationship before everything else, according to my mother and brother.

Lately, the issues has been the fact that I don't come around or call as often. The assumption is that I'm just spending time with my gf and am not doing anything else when the reality is I don't come around because of how I'm treated -- when I was there last and we were all talking, I went to speak and my mom said "aww shit, here we go," and as I was talking "are you done yet?"

My mom is also mad at me currently about how I am spending my birthday -- my gf and I are a day apart, and she's got a milestone birthday this year, so I am throwing a surprise birthday party for her. My mom has guilt tripped me heavy about this. The party is in another part of the state, where all my gf's family is, and my mom cannot make it for health reasons. So she's like "well are you gonna let your family celebrate your birthday?" "why are you doing all of this for her, what's she doing for your birthday?" There's never been any questions or any thought that it's my birthday to celebrate how I want, even if that's giving my partner the spotlight for our birthday weekend. She did the same for me last year.

I am going to propose to my gf at the party. I haven't told my family about my plans, but I am seriously dreading it. I know they'll come at me with "you're moving too fast," or "why are you doing that, she should be doing it [because they assume she's the "man" in the relationship]," or "why are you doing this there when I cannot be there" And I hate to say it, but part of me feels like I'm doing something wrong by following my heart and gut and living life on my own terms.

Has this ever happened to you, where you decide to do something for you and yet you're overcome by guilt because you already know your NPs response/ have internalized their feelings?

To grow or to chop?