u/Amazing-Attorney4466

My parents found out about my relationship by going through my stuff, threatened to disown me if I continued seeing him or started seeing him again if I pretended to break up and see him in secret, that I am the reason they got sick again, that I’m a slut basically and that they will never approve of him. Reason being he’s North Indian and I’m South Indian and he’s a different religion, and he’s had a gf before me and is basically just using me for my body none of this is true but that’s just what they think. Me and my boyfriend are still dating and are going strong over a year now.

My parents found out 5 months ago, they’ve become basically like they were before they found out but more annoying about where I go out. I don’t rlly ask permission to go out but I don’t have a car yet so everytime I go out with my boyfriend I just say I’m going somewhere with my friends, my dad drops me off and my bf drops me home. But I’m scared my parents are getting sus, they ask me everytime where I’m going, check my location (which I freeze and stuff like that so it’s not like they know I’m at his house) and I feel like are just very suspicious of me.

They obviously have reason to be since I’m doing exactly what they don’t want, but I just get very anxious but I don’t want to break up with my bf because he’s everything I want in my future and we have such a wonderful relationship which actually makes me feel like myself in an environment where I don’t feel like myself or independent. The thing is I don’t rlly see my friends out of uni since I’m at uni everyday so everytime I’m out late I’m with him, I’m just scared my parents are suspicious but they haven’t said anything directly to me about my bf. They have asked once or twice in the last few months if I’m still talking to him or if he’s disturbing me which I obviously reply no, but I just feel so small and I just really dislike them because I feel like they’re not approving me as a person but not approving my bf. His family is really nice to me and like me a lot so I hang out with them a lot, but yea I’m getting a car soon but I’m sure my parents will put a tracker in it bc that’s what they did with my brothers car.

I’m completely financially dependent on them since I’m in med school and I don’t rlly have time for a job rn, and I graduate in 3 years. I don’t want to break up with my bf I will be absolutely miserable so that’s not an option right now, I just want to know if anyone has been in a similar position and how they coped? They also don’t let me get a job and they have been really suspicious about me still being with my bf because I’ve been acting ‘different’ again but I’m just so anxious everyday and I hate going home. I can’t just tell them to fuck off or say I’m gonna date him no matter what also because of lack of finances, I just feel sick and feel like maybe I should break up with my boyfriend but I feel like I’ll go insane he’s my best friend and genuinely the person I want to be with for the rest of my life.

I’ve posted on her a few times about me and my bf and my parents crazy reaction to our relationship. But in short they found out about my relationship by going through my stuff, threatened to disown me if I continued seeing him or started seeing him again if I pretended to break up and see him in secret, that I am the reason they got sick again, that I’m a slut basically and that they will never approve of him. Reason being he’s North Indian and I’m South Indian and he’s a different religion, and he’s had a gf before me and is basically just using me for my body none of this is true but that’s just what they think. Me and my boyfriend are still dating and are going strong over a year now.

My parents found out 5 months ago, they’ve become basically like they were before they found out but more annoying about where I go out. I don’t rlly ask permission to go out but I don’t have a car yet so everytime I go out with my boyfriend I just say I’m going somewhere with my friends, my dad drops me off and my bf drops me home. But I’m scared my parents are getting sus, they ask me everytime where I’m going, check my location (which I freeze and stuff like that so it’s not like they know I’m at his house) and I feel like are just very suspicious of me.

They obviously have reason to be since I’m doing exactly what they don’t want, but I just get very anxious but I don’t want to break up with my bf because he’s everything I want in my future and we have such a wonderful relationship which actually makes me feel like myself in an environment where I don’t feel like myself or independent. The thing is I don’t rlly see my friends out of uni since I’m at uni everyday so everytime I’m out late I’m with him, I’m just scared my parents are suspicious but they haven’t said anything directly to me about my bf. They have asked once or twice in the last few months if I’m still talking to him or if he’s disturbing me which I obviously reply no, but I just feel so small and I just really dislike them because I feel like they’re not approving me as a person but not approving my bf. His family is really nice to me and like me a lot so I hang out with them a lot, but yea I’m getting a car soon but I’m sure my parents will put a tracker in it bc that’s what they did with my brothers car.

I’m completely financially dependent on them since I’m in med school and I don’t rlly have time for a job rn, and I graduate in 3 years. I don’t want to break up with my bf I will be absolutely miserable so that’s not an option right now, I just want to know if anyone has been in a similar position and how they coped?

I’ve made a couple posts on her about my situation but I’m honestly just anxious all the time and think there’s something wrong w me. I’m 19F and ever since my parents found out about my bf 5 months ago by going through my devices I feel like I can barely stand to talk to them. I’m not upset they don’t approve of my bf bc I never expected them to approve of me dating since they’ve made it clear they want me to wait until I’m graduated and he’s another religion and I had a whole plan for what I was gonna do once I graduated to introduce him since I knew they would love him if they got to know him, but from the very limited information they have on him they’ve made all these assumptions of the person he is and has summarised that he doesn’t love me, only uses me for pleasure and will move on from me as soon as I end it and that he’s a horrible person. None of this true but they made us ‘break up’, overall the treated the whole thing horribly and I understand they were hurt but I don’t know if I can ever get over it.

We haven’t and we’re still going strong however I notice whenever my parents come back from overseas (they travel frequently and my brother and I are home alone) I am just an anxious mess. I overthink my relationship bc I feel like I’m not enough for my bf since my parents r so strict and I don’t have the normal freedom of a 19 yr old in Australia. I also just find ways to never be home, tell the I’m at uni till 8-9 and just go to my bfs house when I’m acc done with uni and hangout w him and his family. I feel guilty bc I like hanging out with him and his family and I feel very accepted but when I’m at home even though my parents are normal now and the try talking to me and stuff I just get so annoyed and hate talking to them, never find what they say entertaining and honestly just force myself to interact. My parents pay for my everything, I’m not allowed to get a job and pay for my own stuff which also adds to the guilt bc I feel like I’m indebted to them for life even though I want to be independent and work myself until I graduate and get a real full-time job.

I don’t have a car yet and I’m not allowed to take public transport, so I honestly don’t rlly feel like hanging out with my friends either. I see my friends at uni everyday and we don’t hang out outside uni often but my other friends from high school I never see bc they live so far, i do take the bus from uni to my bfs house but he lives 2 minutes away from me so it’s rlly convenient bc i can go straight home after which is why i don’t mind. But also i just feel like he’s the only person i have the energy to be around especially when my parents are here, when they’re gone i see my friends quite often and feel like my life is quite content and then they’re back and I feel like my life is so small.

This is such a rant but I just overthink alot, I feel like I handle this situation poorly but idk what else to do. I like being with my bf all the time because I feel he understands me fully and it takes no effort to be around him. But then I feel guilty I’m not seeing friends even though I’m rlly the one always initiating hanging out and then also feel guilty bc I hate being around my family and they financially support me and are not being mean anymore. Idk what to do.

Also ik im so extremely privileged my parents rlly want the best for me and always tell me all the things they’ve done for my future to make sure I have a comfortable life but as nice as this seems it makes me feel so trapped even though they’re doing a great and nice thing for me because I feel like I’m gonna be forever indebted to them and will never feel able to what I want because of everything they’ve done for me bc I feel too bad, and also feel like this rlly affects my relationship with my bf because I am scared of how I will reintroduce him into my life to my parents.

I’m 19F and live at home with my parents, I live in Australia and I’m in medical school. I have always had a rlly big need to be independent and tried moving to another state of university but my parents didn’t let me. I have my drivers license and have had it for 6 months now and still don’t have a car and I’m not allowed to get a job until I graduate med school in 4 years. Don’t get me wrong I live an extremely privileged life, my parents pay for everything and are even possibly paying for me to go to a trip to Korea with my friends at the end of the year which is crazy. But (this isn’t advice about relationships) ever since they found out about my bf 6 months ago (they made us ‘break up’ but we are still together and going strong) I have just started thinking a lot about my independence and how controlled my life feels. Idk if I’m just privileged and just saying whatever bc I’m ungrateful.

I feel like my life is so small, I just go to uni and I take the bus to see my bf after uni at his house and he drives me home after but other than that when my parents are in the country (they travel overseas abit and leave my and my brother alone) I feel like my life is so small, and I feel like I don’t live my life how I want to, and I feel like it’s just closing down on uni and my bf. I have friends but we see eachother at uni so much we don’t hang out outside of uni often and my other friends live so far away that transport is just so difficult without a car. I think about what I’m gonna do after university, how I want to move out and how I want to progress things with my bf but it gives me so much anxiety bc my parents freaked the fuck out when they found out about him (threatened to disown me etc.) and ik once I start making decisions like this they will think I’m betraying them and think all these bad things when all I want is to actually live my life the way I want.

I just have so much anxiety thinking about things like this. I’m not even allowed to take the bus (and in Australia it’s relatively safe), can’t go to gym unless I go with my friend and it’s not even my dad who’s against the bus and the gym it’s my mum and he doesn’t stand up for me and tell her to let me. Idk if this all sounds rlly small but it feels huge for me because I feel like I’m a child and it’s rlly hurting me.

Also my brother is older than me and he ig is happy with how much independence he has and he has like a gf that’s kinda secret too but he never makes like effort to like stand up against my parents and fight for what he wants since he’s also in uni but he also doesn’t want to have as much independence as me bc he just gets it automatically as a guy.

I just wanna know what to do like I wanna be able to when I’m older and earning my own money just do whatever I want, travel whenever I want, be with my boyfriend and have a decent relationship with my parents without them thinking they can control my whole life especially my mum.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year, we’re really happy and healthy. He’s my best friend and seeing him genuinely makes me the happiest person in the world. I have really strict parents when it comes to dating and the only time I get to see my bf is after uni when I go to his house and pretend that a friend drops me home, this is kinda temporary since I’m getting a car soon so idk how I’m gonna see him as often once this happens.

But basically I never used to have these thoughts until my parents found out about us 5 months ago, and they forced me to break up with him but I continued dating him in secret. They said I’m too young, and that he’s the wrong person bc he’s not the same religion, he’s had a gf in the past and because he is dating someone who isn’t allowed to date and didn’t get their permission etc etc. the reasons they don’t like him aren’t actually reasons they are more cultural biases. I thought we had a pretty ideal relationship before they found out bc my parents were pretty clueless and didn’t really notice where I was or who I was with so I was with him whenever I wanted to be and felt very confident our relationship was gonna be fine long term even with my parents bc I knew they would like him if the got to know him.

But recently I’ve just been thinking a lot about how juvenile this relationship must feel. He tells me and reassures me that this is all only temporary and he doesn’t care bc we have our whole lives together but even the fact that we won’t rlly get to see eachother on our uni breaks (because we have different ones) makes me so upset, he said something along the lines of “so I basically won’t have a gf during the holidays” since my parents always make us go overseas or it will just be really hard to come up with excuses and I just felt so bad he was obviously joking but I just felt so bad that he has all this freedom but he can’t even spend it with the person he wants to the most.

I just get scared I’m restricting him, I know I’m a good girlfriend in the sense of emotionally and stuff but in the basic sense of an adult relationship I feel like I am severely lacking. And the future we talk about traveling together and living together and that’s honestly all I want but thinking about that rlly stresses me out bc idk how I’m gonna navigate my parents when it comes to that. I find it’s a pattern whenever my parents go away overseas I’m super happy in my relationship and so relaxed and think everything will be ok and as they’re back I get so anxious and stressed thinking about the future and get insecure thinking about my bf.

Additionally I feel like this insecurity is amplified bc his ex also was allowed to do whatever she wanted and had lots of freedom like him, he assures me that he loves me so much and this relationship is everything he ever wanted and I don’t rlly feel insecure about their relationship as much but more the fact that she could actually be there for him and I can’t be there the same way she was.

I’m 19F and my bf 20M and I have been dating for over a year. We have a really good relationship and we both feel as though we are very compatible with each-other and love each other very much. Both of us are Indian but he is North Indian and Sikh and I’m South Indian and Hindu. We both live in Australia and his family are extremely supportive of our relationship, always inviting me over for dinner and always making me feel so welcomed. When my parents r overseas I basically live at their house staying there everyday and have a great time.

Around 6 months ago, my parents went through my iPad and found out about us. They had never previously gone through my stuff but they basically saw all our messages and some photos of us kissing and they were so upset. They wouldn’t stop crying and stuff and threatened to disown me if I didn’t break up with him. I broke up with him for show and they think we’re not together anymore. However, I already know this is gonna be a problem in the future bc both me and my boyfriend see this relationship as very long term but we are both aware of the consequences. My parents hate my bf and his family, they don’t have any reason to as their reasons are bc he is a different religion, North Indian, had an ex before me and that he dated me without their permission and that he’s not a real man and basically using me for my body and that he never really loved me and will get over me as soon as I leave him etc. all not very nice things.

My mum also got kinda sick around this time and I’ve basically been blamed for causing the stress which led to her being sick and for a few months I was honestly depressed because I was being blamed for everything which was happening that was bad at the time.

My relationship with my parents have gotten better, they’re back to normal in the sense they stopped monitoring me like 24/7? Idk I still have a lot of hurt and have lowkey developed some trust and abandonment issues from it idk why but I just never feel excited to be around my family anymore. I always want to be with my bf and his family, or just by myself and I just get scared like if this is rlly bad or if I’m okay?. Idk I feel like a lot of it comes from the fact I feel like I have to hide a huge part of my life and that I don’t rlly feel like I will be accepted by my own family but I’m scared I’m just fucking up my life by doing this. I just wanna know if this is normal? If I should be worried? I still try to make an effort with my parents but I just don’t really feel bad about lying about my bf or anything.

I don’t really like talking to my brother either bc he’s 23 and he has a Filipino gf who my dad kinda knows about and my mum idek if she knows but she pretends it’s not real. My brother used to be okay with my relationship and he even one time dropped me at my bfs house so we could go on a date and hid my flowers for me. So he was pretty chill, and then my parents found out and he now is so against us, saying the same things my parents say. He knows we’re still dating but now everytime my parents go away he is always asking who I’m going out with and what I’m doing all while bringing his gf into the house to stay over, and getting mad at me saying I’m disrespecting my parents and that I’m so stupid to continue seeing him and that I should break up with him and maybe try again in a few years and that I’m like breeching their trust and he just makes me feel so small when he is doing the same thing and it’s just so upsetting bc I feel like I have to lie to my whole family just bc they think I’m too young to make any decision for myself and that I will just ruin my life bc I’m in a relationship.

I just get really upset bc ik if my family got to know my bf they would love him. I just wanna have a normal relationship where he can come over for dinner and we can all enjoy each others company, and be like a family. And in reality that might never happen with my parents and it makes me really sad. I just want some perspective or advice if anyone has any.