u/Amazing-Word7722

Problem/Goal: My boyfriend of 2 years admitted yesterday that he’s losing feelings for me. Despite this, we both want to try fixing the relationship, and I know my own avoidant tendencies in the past may have affected us. I want advice on whether this is something we can work through and how to approach it in a healthy way.

Context: Ang bagal nya kasi sobra magreply, then sabi ko diretsuhin na nya ako tapos inamin nyang nawawalan na sya ng feelings sakin. Kasalanan ko naman. I suspect myself of bpd pero I won't self diagnose. I always feel like "testing" his love for me by ignoring him when we have arguments. Minsan isang araw ko siyang hindi pinapansin when he makes mistakes just so I could see if he really loves me. But when he pulls aways, I always do everythingn para bumalik sya sakin + big fear of abandonment.

We had a cool off previously kasi he dropped out of school because of losing motivation. I gave him the space that he needs kasi he's not functioning properly kahit anong try ko icomfort sya. Pero doon pala mas lumala yung feeling nya na parang he's losing his feelings sakin.

He's frustrated because I'm an avoidant bitch. Hindi ko rin naman ginusto maging ganito, may mga ginawa rin naman sya para maging ganito ako. Ang tanga ko rin kasi na inuuna ko pang magpost sa dump ko (sya lang nakafollow) kesa sabihin sakanya problema. Ngayong he still wants to fix it, I'm willing to do everything para lang bumalik lahat. I'm willing to be better kahit pa deep inside naiisip kong huli na lahat. But we've been through something like this before, yung ako naman yung nawawalan ng feelings but he pursued me and i took him back. Ngayon he's still doing late and short replies. Miss ko na sya. I really wish i wasnt too fucked in the head and nakinig nalang agad ako noong sinabi niyang sabihin ko agad sakanya.

Previous attempts: Cool-offs, giving space. I swear I really tried to be direct to him pero before noong direct ko sinasabi sakanya problema he got overwhelmed, or minsan naman kahit paulit-ulit ko na sinasabi yung problema hindi naman niya binabago so I always resort back into that old habit na hindi ko sya pinapansin. I really want to fix this, I want strength kasi anytime baka magkaron nanaman ako ng doubts that would lead to me questioning everything again.

I want to know your thoughts first guys, because I suspect myself of having bpd. I didn't really notice it until I got into a relationship. I push him away but if I feel like he's also pulling away I have this intense fear of abandonment tapos I bombard him with chats na minsan full of rage then magiging full of sadness or vice versa then I go numb and feel like not talking to him.

May phase rin ako na isang linggo ko sya hindi kinakausap because of something that he did. Dati kaunting mali lang I become really avoidant. Now, he's losing feelings kasi pakiramdam nya palagi nalang kailangan nya pisilin yung problema out of me para sabihin ko.

Minsan tuwing sobrang sama ng loob ko I sort of become extremely happy all of a sudden? Then switch back to the numb feeling after a while. I saw this pattern with my mother too. Kanina, noong inamin nyang nawawalan na sya ng feelings sakin, I panicked. I got mad again and bombarded him with chats (i did not curse him or what i just got mad bakit sumusuko na sya) kahit alam kong partly kasalanan ko rin. I hate the feeling of abandonment but also want to abandon someone.

I panicked and my hands went numb when he told me that then I felt this intense anger tapos maya-maya naiiyak naman ako sa lungkot tapos biglang naiisip ko na bigla na "wait this is a good idea lets just break up" then went back into the fear of abandonment feeling. Last year, I kind of got better of handling his gala with friends when I used to hate those kasi I feel like he's pulling away.

Please, let's set aside the relationship problem and me being a bad girlfriend. I just want to understand myself more. Feel free to ask more questions since my post would be too long to read if I add more. Thank you and I apologize if I worded things wrong.