My bf told me he will put his friends family and life before me
Hi everybody. Me (18) and my bf L (18) have been together for a year and a half almost. We began dating my second semester of senior year in high school, he is now about to graduate himself a year later.
I have had a problem with the way he hardly reaches out to me and consecutively goes to his friend’s house probably 4-5 times out of the week. I tried to just be okay with it but it’s gone on far too long. I also tried to blame myself because I no longer have many friends. My only friend lives 45 mins away from me, so I don’t really have anybody. I was planning to go to the navy not even a year ago but my plans changed and I wasn’t ready, he knew of this happening and tried to “warn” me that things would be harder this way because he values time with his friends and he is a very busy person ig. He is a professional musician, a drummer so he spends a lot of his time recording, now he’s just been filling his week up with his friend. This has been going on for like a month now.
Some backstory, an incident happened 2 months ago that was completely out of my hands and i misconstrued the situation, so i accidentally got overly involved (he had a car accident in my private condo complex). I was partially apart of the blame for that because I just HAD to ask my parents what we should do because i knew this wasnt gonna just scrape by, pretty sure this place has cameras and the maintenance guy rolled up RIGHT AFTER it happened, he took video evidence of our faces and his plate, which i tried to cover cus the guy just came off as an odd stranger and didnt introduce himself at all. Basically, somebody had to take accountability, and what did he do? He drove away. Of course, he believes deep in his soul that if i just didnt go back downstairs to pick up his emblem or check out the massive fucking hole he left behind, we wouldve been fine lol. Of course until we got emails, even then i was convinced this shit was my fault.
Things were really off and weird for a while and I caught pneumonia not too long after that, a severe case of it to where my lung was expanding into my ribcage and i basically was in excruciating pain, had to take myself to the ER thru uber because it was late at night and I was working. It got too bad so I left work early. This shit was so real I couldnt even lift my corresponding arm to the side that was hurting me, my right. I still get a little pain there when i reach upwards. He was not involved at all. He was grounded, or whatever he wants to call it bc he was over at his friend’s house discussing this big week-long trip theyre taking in a lil over 2 weeks to cali. I hope we wasnt driving his own car and I’d like to believe him because he hasnt lied to me before, and it’s also his mom’s car but pretty much his. He still lives with his parents and they do determine a lot but they are not that strict lol. But the thing is, is that he couldve called or checked in on me instead of disregarding my pleas to not be left alone anymore with this because, first of all, my parents and I got into it really bad half a week after my diagnosis and let’s just leave it at severe. A year ago, he wouldve jumped right ontop of this and been checking in nonstop. All he said was, “i’m sorry:( i wish there was more i could do for you” when i requested over and over that i was tired of feeling alone bc my house isnt all that stable sometimes but it’s okay. I dont get emotional over that shit anymore but damn, this shit was really messing with me because i was in pain, sick, freshly screamed at and hit, and he just was not present at all. At least it didnt feel that way.
The past two days, i have gone on these tangents because of how it’s been feeling to me. He really fucked me up 2 months ago with that nonchalantness or half-ass care. He offered to talk go me about it in person a month ago because it was screwing with me then cus he’s just plain out not that affectionate. I get literally one day with him. I dont think it’s hard to call after your 17 hour day is done, or literally to just send me a nice or sweet message like i have no issue doing for him, but ive completely dropped that because i get hardly any reciprocation. If we can talk provocative to each other, why cant you do this ONE TINY THING i crave? Why am i being deprived.
Back to the tangents, 2 nights ago i told him i just couldnt deal with this bs anymore, i was sick of him brushing off my needs and just half-assing this just bc he’s about to walk the stage and even half the people he’s friends with I KNOW they dont give a damn about him. He has one good genuine friend but shit!!! He is getting all in the way!!! I literally feel like my bf thinks of me as just a friend because when he gets annoyed with lil stuff he’ll cuss at me like “why cant you leave it the fuck alone” or mess w me like usual with “that sounds stupid” and i would usually find that funny but it gets aggravating when you dont balance being kind and sweet with that, pretty much everytime. Maybe i jusg overthink that stuff but it’s who i am! I feel things and i am sensitive to people cussing at me or making me feel unheard, but i dont ever rlly react anymore. He’s known me and some of the stuff ive been through, so why is it so difficult lol? Im not overbearing and i dont control him, but holy shit i cannot stand it. We play around a lot but sometimes i expect you to be sweet to me, and he is a more “in person” person but the thing is: IS THAT I DONT SEE HIM HARDLY!!! He used to show up to my work just to see me or get a lil something to eat, but he doesnt anymore. He used to show up to my house at night just to talk to me, but he doesnt do that anymore. He just fucking makes no time for me and it’s driven me to my breaking point.
This leads me to the second day, after i talked to him about some of this stuff, he goes out AGAIN with this kid and says he was “picking stuff up” and that it was “important” but all i saw was him dismissing me once again. It caused me to flip out, not my proudest moment but like…do u not care about this anymore? He was out the entire day up until almost 11pm and i got nothing, i understand i was a lil bit crazy but holy shit youve been doing this over and over again i just assumed youd take 30 mins out of ur fucking day to talk to me. It was wrong of me to approach it in the way I did but i just cannot take it anymore. You get what im saying.
He says “i want to live my life freely and i want to experience things” but i think he just doesnt wanna experience it with me anymore. We’re at day 3 and i asked him if we were ever gonna talk about this shit in person and he’s just dismissing it. He’s more focused on the way i went about it (i did continue it for alm 2 hours but i was so so so so upset) and he just kept going and driving around with his friend and it was all too much for me. Ive been praying this will get better after he graduates but idk. He told me today that i “need to understand, I will be putting my friends that i grew up with (partially) that need me first, my family, and my recording. It will be like that my whole life” i just cant deal with that. I cant deal with the fact i work 40-50 hours a week and still find time for him, but it’s not reciprocated. And it probably is just gonna get worse and he said that how i feel about some of these things, i need to just get over them. Btw, all ive asked is for him to call me once in a while, cus he will almost never call first anymore even tho he did it when we went to school together, send me a sweet message, to compliment me a lil bit more (he hardly does on text, almost never) but its just to compensate for the times i dont see him! I of course, in the heat of the moment, was dropping all these things at once but it’s not like i havent said anything about it before. He sees me as obsessed, and now Im supposed to be the one feeling bad all about how i approached the issue. It’s like. Why would i waste the rare time i have with you now to talk about this in person. And you prolly wouldnt have had the time to do it anyways. Said that himself. I just dont get it guys lol. No he is not cheating I am sure. I guess now we’re on a break. Help.