u/Amber_Main_Here

I used to worry so much about having to pretend to pray in college cuz it'd be so tedious and annoying to fake being muslim when my fam aren't even near me

But nobody here really cares. At least not my housemates anyways. I don't even need to pretend to pray at all since literally almost everyone here don't pray. I blend right in without having to fake anything

Well, the only thing I can't stop doing is wearing that stupid hijab since it's mandatory for malay women to wear it to college even if they chose to be freehair 🫩

Other than that, it feels so freeing here. Not a full freedom package but it's a start so I can't really complain

I've been trying to get used at being freehair as well. Ofc I can't actually go out freehair cuz that'd blow my cover (my housemates wouldn't care but you never know if there's any overly religious lurkers nearby who'd report you since it's mandatory for college malay students to wear it and I really don't want any issues). I just meant like I don't even bother to cover my hair when going to grab food I ordered online. I'm growing more comfortable being freehair. It used to feel so odd cuz even tho I hated it, I was so used to it that it just felt weird lol

I'm really glad I didn't get placed in a house with overly religious people. My housemates are pretty chill and they don't really care about religion much tbh. Ofc they're still religious, but they don't really follow all the rules lol

I could even dye my hair and they would hype me up cuz they also love dying their hair. So yeah if I could, I would, but I still have to face my parents and I wouldn't hear the end of it if they find out I dyed my hair, especially an unnatural "haram" colour (they're against hair dye regardless if it's halal or haram, they'd judge everyone who dyed their hair)

Honestly, I think I got really lucky with my housemates. I know people say no one cares in college/uni but they'd still judge you (whether secretly or openly) and there's a chance they'd try to tegur you or wtv. But I know for a fact that my housemates don't do that. And if they did, well, they'd be hypocrites so wtv 🤷

So yeah, just wanted to share how awesome it feels to not feel obligated to pretend to be someone I'm not around people I like. I've never felt so happy and I can't wait to be fully free once I no longer live under my parents' roof :D

So basically cam 2 weeks ago, kitorang gi medan makan kul 9pm. Aq balik awal sbb dorg nk buat portfolio kulinari and aq x amik course tu so cam buang masa aq je. Dorg sume balik time 10:15pm camtu la

Time tu, roommate aq (kite panggil S la), pegi bilik sebelah. Aq mmg xtaula knape sampaila roommate aq sorg lagi ni gitau S nangis. Dia kate dia nampak lembaga hitam kat pokok kat taman. So bilik sebelah ni sapula minyak and baca doa sume so dia x kene kacau

And then S masokla bilik kitorang astu cite psl ape dia nmpk. Astu si Q ni (dia ni barua bodo la suke buli org, especially S tu) dia gi cakap "mmg cari pasai la balik ikut taman, bodoh ka??" smth like that la and then S hempas tutup pintu tu. Aq ingat dia pegi bilik sebelah tapi dia actually turun bawah kluaq rumah tros

Lepastu aq pon turunla sbb risau. Yg bilik sblh dh turun dulu sbb dorg dengar dia turun first. Diorg kate S ni pegi tumbuk² rak kasut yg ade kt luaq hostel ktrg. Astu ktrg cam suruhla dia masok dalam, tenangkan diri sume tapi dia xnk

Then tibe dia cam terduduk je. Mula² dia cam nk muntah tapi x jadi muntah. Time tu K (housemate aq yg reti silat and dia kata dia pernah dh deal dgn makhluk halus and rasuk ni cuz silat yk) call la bapak dia (also knows how to deal w rasuk and everything). Dia suruh ktrg pasang ayat kursi and S tu diam je, x gerak langsong

Astu bapak K mai (sblm warden btw even tho ktrg call warden first sbb warden ktrg ni cam sial x kisah psl anyone). Dia tanye la "nama ape?" S diam je. "Umur brape?" Diam jgk. "Tinggal mane?" Astu S pegi tunjuk arah taman. Bapak K tanye lagi, "orang mane?" S jwb org cina (dia melayu) and then bapak K suruhla dia kluaq jangan kacau budak ni dh tapi dia xnk kluaq, siap cakap "AKU IBLIS, HG SIAPA NAK ARAH² KAN AKU"

So bapak K ni dok negotiate la smpai ustaz mai. Ustaz tu pon cam negotiate baik² suruh dia kluaq tapi "S" asyik jerit "AKU KATA XNK KLUAR XNK LA"

And then diorg bace doa and S ni terbaring tros. Astu dia bangun balik tapi dia cam buat stance hantu (like in the movies yk?? Like twitching and everything)

Astu diorg tanyela knape kacau S sbb dia x buat pape un and "S" ckp sbb budak ni ade lubang, senang nk masok. Time dia kate tu aq cam teringat la S pernah kate dia takot hantu sbb dia ade lubang kt leher dia tapi dia kate gurau je and ktrg pon ingat dia buat lawak la sbb dia ni mmg suke gebang. X expect lak jadi camni

Honestly feels like watching a scene from those horror movies tbh cuz dia menjerit² astu gelak cam org gila time org baca doa. Dia siap pukul tangan ustaz yg nk tolong tu. Tapi mostly dia just berdiri x gerak langsong except tenung everyone yg ade kat situ

Then warden ktrg smpai astu diorg start la baca doa jgk. Aq xtaula ape warden ktrg ni buat sbb dia just reach out tangan dia and pusing² S sambil baca doa. I don't think that even does anything tbh

After a while, S tiba² jatoh terbaring tros astu diorg suh amik air ngan kain. Astu ustaz tu letak kain tu dekat lower area dia and start buat motion tolak bende tu kluaq (honestly so gross wtf?). Lpstu dia simbah air tu kt muka S and S bangun tros jadi normal balik. S kate dia xde recollection of doing anything before kena rasuk tu btw

Anyways aq saja nak share sbb aq someone yg x percaya sgt benda ghaib ni so to have witnessed this experience definitely frightened me a bit. I think it's worth mentioning that we also have one chinese roommate so the whole time she's also praying in her religion to help w the whole rasuk thing. So even tho this thing did make me doubt my decision for leaving islam a bit (cuz I literally saw the whole doa thing "work" or wtv), I don't think it was solved because of religion

I think the whole rasuk thing is affected from where you've learnt about it. Cuz kalau yg islam, dia kata iblis/jin, kalau yg christian, dia kata the devil, etc. It feels a bit inconsistent for this to actually be real based on their reactions yk? But this is just what I think, could be wrong, who knows really 🤷

Also time bapak K tu tanye "S" dia hamba Allah ke x, "S" cam x layan langsong so idk what's that about

My roommate said she thinks S was faking it but tbh idrc if the whole thing is fake or real. I just hope she's doing better now cuz clearly the stress and everything has taken a huge toll on her wellbeing