Someone who deserves it and wouldn’t waste it like me. I thought about shooting myself in the head but be at the hospital so that my 31 week baby would survive. I’m just exhausted and want my son to have a good life with good parents, just not me.
I’m really struggling right now and honestly just need support or outside perspective.
I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant. I found out I was pregnant on Thanksgiving Day. At the time, I wasn’t speaking to my mom, and my boyfriend was pressuring me to get an abortion. I couldn’t go through with it because it didn’t feel right to me.
At the time, we were living together in my apartment. I had a stable job, but he was struggling to find work where we lived. After we got back home from Thanksgiving, he completely freaked out about the pregnancy and decided to move back to his mom’s house 2 hours away. I suddenly felt completely alone and terrified about what I was going to do.
That’s when I finally told my mom I was pregnant.
My relationship with my mom has always been complicated. She left when I was really young, and my dad mostly raised me and my siblings. She was in and out of my life growing up. According to her, she was young and thought my dad would get custody because he had more money, so she ended up starting a new family instead.
Over the years, we’ve had on-and-off contact. I lived with her on and off starting around age 12 because my dad had a gambling addiction and would spend long periods in Vegas. Eventually my mom got custody and child support. My mom says my dad never paid it, while my dad says he did because otherwise he would’ve gone to jail. I honestly don’t even know what the truth is anymore.
What I do know is that after she got custody, things changed. She pulled me out of cheerleading because she said we couldn’t afford it, but then she would go out drinking and leave me home taking care of my younger siblings. I ended up moving back in with my dad around 14 because he promised me a car.
My whole childhood honestly felt emotionally unstable. It always seemed like both of my parents cared more about money or themselves than about emotional support. My mom has never really apologized for leaving when I was little. In general, she rarely apologizes for anything. I remember one time she screamed horrible things at me, and the next day she laid new clothes out on my bed instead of acknowledging what happened.
She constantly calls my dad a narcissist and talks badly about other people, but anytime someone confronts her about her own behavior, she gets defensive or angry. Even my stepdad has told me he thinks she’s selfish and has narcissistic tendencies.
Fast forward to this pregnancy: despite everything, my mom offered to let me move back in with her because I had no support where I was living. She has a big house, I have my own space here, and I knew she would probably help with the baby while I eventually go back to school.
I thought really hard before moving in because deep down I knew my mom struggles emotionally and isn’t always capable of healthy support. But I also knew she loves babies, and I felt like I didn’t have many options.
The first couple months living here were actually really good. But lately I’m struggling badly. I feel like everything revolves around her feelings and needs. Anytime I try to tell her that something hurts me or upsets me, she either ignores it, dismisses it, or gets defensive. It feels like she can never truly see my side of things.
I feel trapped, lonely, emotionally exhausted, and honestly unwanted. I’m about to become a mom myself, and instead of feeling supported, I feel like I’m reliving a lot of childhood pain while trying to prepare for my baby.
I don’t even know what I’m asking for exactly. Maybe just validation, advice, or hearing from people who grew up with emotionally immature parents while trying to raise a child of their own.
Hi, I don’t really know where to turn and could use some advice from people who understand this stuff.
Back in 2019 when I was 22, I had a sleep study done and was diagnosed with narcolepsy with cataplexy. I’ve always questioned whether the diagnosis was accurate because at the time I was on multiple medications for sleep/anxiety, and I had also recently stopped using cocaine and alcohol (within about 20 days before the study).
For years I wondered if maybe it was actually depression, anxiety, PMDD, or something else instead. But lately I’m starting to think the narcolepsy diagnosis may have been right after all.
My biggest issue is extreme sleepiness and irritability. I wake up in the morning feeling okay for maybe an hour, but once I have to start doing normal adult things like school, errands, responsibilities, etc., I get SO frustrated and angry because I’m just exhausted all the time. The rage/irritability honestly scares me sometimes.
To make things harder, I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant.
I asked my doctor about getting another sleep study done because I still question the diagnosis, but they want to wait until after I have the baby.
Right now I feel angry, depressed, overwhelmed, and sleepy literally all the time. I’m on 50mg of Zoloft, but I don’t feel like it’s helping much with the irritability.
Has anyone else with narcolepsy experienced intense anger or emotional dysregulation from being so exhausted all the time? Or has anyone questioned their diagnosis because of medications/substance use during their original sleep study?
PLEASE HELP!