u/Ambitious-Clerk5382

My work mate is suddenly being cold / mean. we’ve been been friends / pretty tight till recent weeks at work for almost a year.

Personality wise, he’s naturally cocky, bantery, playful a loud person. 1 on 1 he used to be warm and would regularly come over, say hi, joke around, and generally root for me ect. Would share opportunities with me ect. New staff have asked if we’re together ect. (obviously we’re not). But I considered him one of my closer work friends and felt like we had each other’s backs and he would say the same. “I’ve got your bk” ect. 

Now recently things can be quite hot-and-cold generally. Before recently things were good, banter, ect. Recently I’ve been noticing he’ll say hi to my work mate beside me and others around and not really acknolege me at all. He’ll say hi at some point during the week but it was defo weird to be right there most times and suddenly now being ignored. It wasn’t really usual for what was normal for our dynamic.

Anyways here’s where the weirdness gets weirder:

A few weeks ago I joined a side convo in our group about job opportunities. I asked one of the girls about it and he kinda dismissed me being like “don’t worry about it.” I gave him a blank look and continued talking to her, me and her spoke 1 on 1 for a good few mins. The next morning he came over to me being unusually friendly/playful. I called him out for being hot-and-cold and weird lately he didnt directly apologise or really ancknowlege he just said  he wasn’t feeling good the previous day. It felt very vague And more like he was skirting around being rude. It did feel like that was his way of trying to keep things smooth / positive after he was rude.

Then last week, while I was away, he booked one of my sales opportunities for himself. This is significant because we consider ourselves friends and normally wouldn’t do that to each other. He has previously left opportunities for me. I confronted him and he acted like he’d done nothing wrong and didn’t apologise. Ive noticed when he’s wrong even for small things, he’ll swear he’s right but still try to improve in his own way after a few days I guess.

Anyways, 

the next day we didn’t speak much at all. But near end of the day he came behind me and pulled my chair out from underneath me, making me nearly fall. He laughed, but the laugh seemed really forced to me. I was just staring at him like WTF. About 20 minutes later I was really starting to feel sh*t now ao I asked to speak to him 1 on 1. I told him he was acting dumb/weird and that it wasn’t funny. He just acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about, Again, no apology. 

The same day he also complimented a girl then immediately looked at me like he was trying to see my reaction which I thought was weird af.

Since the seat thing we’ve barely spoken. He’ll sometimes come over to talk to the coworker beside me and not acknowledge me, which is strange because he used to naturally say hi/include me.

Then today he joked to the coworker beside me that he’d stolen another one of my opportunities. Because he’d actually done this recently, I looked up dramatically like “Nooo, not again!” He was smiling, but when he realised I’d briefly believed him he immediately went serious and said “Nooo, obviously not.” He almost seemed offended that I hadn’t realised he wasn’t being serious.

Pls guys I need your thoughts / opinions of what’s going on because I don’t know where all this hateful/ mean behaviour is coming from. Theres almost like a switch and It feels like he‘s going out of his way to show me just how much he dislikes me now Like snatching my seat from beneath me. 

I genuinely miss the friendship because he was one of my more solid work friends, but I’m also really disappointed by how he’s behaved recently and don’t want to excuse it just because we’ve gotten on before**.**

I have a friend in England who I’m in a weird space with. I feel like the friendship has been quite one-sided for the last year and a half, with most of our catch-up calls focused on her life, problems, and venting. I’ve vented to her in the past too, but the dynamic has largely revolved around her. Three months ago, I had a heart-to-heart with her about the one-sidedness and about making more of an effort to do things together despite living in different cities.

Since then, she’s been really enthusiastic about going to a festival together, which is great, but I’ve noticed that she no longer initiates calls or checks in on me. We mainly just talk about the festival now. Before, she would call almost weekly to vent, but it dawned on me recently that we haven’t had a proper catch-up in about two months. I asked how she was doing earlier this week and she asked me back, but I realised that if I hadn’t asked first, she probably wouldn’t have asked.

I know she’s busy working a second job and has become much more social, which I’m genuinely happy about because I’ve encouraged her to enjoy herself more. But sometimes I feel like I’m not included in that side of her life. For example, she recently moved into a nice new apartment after years of complaining about previous places, yet she never really celebrated or acknowledged that milestone with me. Meanwhile, I see newer friends celebrating it with her. It’s not a massive deal on its own, but it’s part of a pattern where I feel like I was included in her struggles more than I’m included in her happiness.

I’ve been feeling for a long time that i don’t actually have many people who’d check on me even my “close friend“ doesn’t and she refers to me as her best friend. I have a lot going on with me but I tend to self support / cope.

How would you go about things with a friend like this?

I’d recommend you read my post from 3 mths ago to understand better.

this is an update on a prev post “Friend hasn’t called since I visited her”.