r/JustNoCoworker

So here’s the deal.

I (25F) have this coworker who is double my age (50M) and I cannot figure out if he is attracted to me, likes me, or dislikes me. We work at a school, we are neighbors.

He is a very outgoing, charismatic guy who looks like he could be in his late 30s. He’s always cracking jokes to people and is close friends with a couple other female teachers.

I am relatively new, and I definitely did not interact with him too much at the start of the year because I did not want to come off as inexperienced/needy to my coworkers. I think I inadvertently was kind of standoffish tbh.

So, it came as a complete surprise when he asked me to get lunch out of the blue one day. It was a half day, and almost everyone else had already left. No kids either. As we were leaving the school, I said that another coworker had mentioned the place we were going to before, and he seemed startled and misheard what I said as « so and so is coming too. » Then, on our way to our cars, we crossed paths with another coworker and he was uncharacteristically quiet, and did not extend an invite to her. He ended up confirming the rendez-vous only when he drove past my car.

The lunch was awkward— I didn’t know what to make of it and he seemed equally awkward. We talked about ourselves and our interests/motivations, and when I mentioned my sister’s husband, I’m pretty sure he asked if he was older than her. That was such an out of pocket question that I still second guess my memory. He also pointed to the coffee board and asked if I « like those sorts of things. »

Anyway, I basically felt weird and confused after that lunch and the next morning he seemed to have timed himself to cross paths with me at an exact moment to recommend a book to me (as a follow up to our conversation the previous day.) I kind of brushed it off. Then, later, he asked me what time my lunch was that day because he had missed his normal time (man has been at that school for many years). I again brushed it off and went to busy myself.

So… if the lunch was a *lunch*, my follow up reactions sure were sending a hard no.

Anyway, a few weeks pass, I go and talk to him out of the blue about some struggles I’d been having, he’s really nice and empathetic about it, reassures me that I’ve made a positive impression on everyone on our team, he said: « That’s why I was so happy you said yes to lunch, because I was like, I like her, I want to get to know her, » and then called me mysterious and like Stevie Nicks. Hm.

That might have thawed things because he started coming to check up on me a bit. I took care of some baby chicks for him while he was away and he called me a « good step-mother » and out of the blue called me by my full first name in a teasing way, which I don’t use at work. Not sure how he found it.

Then, he went out of his way to go all the way across campus with a broken ankle to fix my broken tables (and winked at me).

Another day, he came into my room, asked me if I was quitting, and said that it was like « we’re getting a divorce » because I’m moving buildings next year.

Probably the two most interesting pieces of information are how he very obviously checked me out when I was wearing a new dress, and how when I told him I was super tired, he brought it up again later and asked if I had a date the previous night.

Lately, however, he has been a bit hot and cold. Sometimes, he will pop into places where I am, as well as others and interact with us in some plausibly deniable way (I think), such as randomly popping in and chatting with my students about what they’re working on. Sometimes, he will look at me out of the corner of his eye but not say hi, or not greet me except to give short, one worded retorts to my quips. Sometimes, he will catch my eye and smile at me as he passes into his room. Sometimes, he is busy or doesn’t seem to want me to come into his room. Today, his hands were shaking when he came over to help me with something. Maybe he just has shaky hands.

He hasn’t asked me to another lunch type of thing, but he has made soft references to getting coffee, and even offered to bring me one (which I turned down out of pure practicality— I already had one).

Anyway, I’m running out of time with this person near me, and I want to decide what to do. Is this flirting? Is this just normal platonic coworker behavior, and I have daddy issues? Is he making fun of me? Am I bad at flirting and thus giving mixed signals?

Would love some perspective.

gut is trying to tell me something?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I’m 35 F tall blonde and fit He is 42 M not super fit but handsome and we have intimacy every time we are together. We’ve already been having major relationship issues because I caught him going to multiple AMP and it deeply damaged my trust. Since then I’ve been hypervigilant and honestly questioning everything.
He’s a firefighter. Yesterday he worked all day, then went to a firefighter party/bar thing with coworkers. Around midnight I called him and he told me he was at a 25-year-old male coworker’s house “talking about firefighter stuff.” He stayed there until around 2am. During those 2 hours I called/texted multiple times and got no response.
Now my brain is going into overdrive wondering if this is normal firefighter bonding/drinking after work… or if something else could be going on. I’ve even started questioning if he could be secretly into men because of how much secrecy and lying I already feel exists in our relationship after the massage parlor situation.
I did see the coworker’s social media and my brain immediately started analyzing his appearance/body language/etc which I know sounds irrational. I honestly can’t tell anymore if I’m picking up on real red flags or if my anxiety and broken trust are making me paranoid.
is it normal for guys to hang at each other’s houses until 2am after work/bar nights? Or does this sound off to you too?
Please be honest but kind because I know I’m emotionally spiraling right now.

We just got a new kid, it's his third day. Guessing right out of highschool, by his attitude and demeanor. We utilize go carts, and he's having trouble keeping our speed limit.

He was shadowing me as I cleaned through 3 of our buildings and helping out with the things our boss has shown him. I prefer to work alone, but as a woman i appreciate having a male coworker around to tag team the gendered rest rooms without worrying about people walking in.

I was making a note on my phone about what supplies needed refilling and when I looked up, he had a full bottle of dual sense #20 pointed at the middle of my face, a few inches away. He was smiling, he said nothing. I said "No, we don't do that." And he walked away and put it in the closet without a word. A few minutes later he asked if I was nervous.

Pretty sure he's just being childish, but that could, categorically, be considered assault. At best, inappropriate work behavior and ladden with misogyny. I let my manager know about the situation and suggested that he needs chemical safety training.

It's too early for this kind of stuff man.

I start working at my current company for 1 year now, I know most people who walk around the office, even those who I don't know, I can tell their last name because we all wear name tag on our work outfit.

So I was just walking down the hallway, and on the opposite way, there is Zack (just to keep him anonymous with an alias), we walk by each other and i say "what is going on Zack", and while i do know we don't really talk to each other often since we work in different department, i never did anything that I am aware of that could anger him.

He turn around and said in a soft tone, no screaming or loud voice, stated "hey, i am not cool with you, i am going to need some space". Caught me off guard as I was expecting a mere "I'm good" or "Nothing much", not this. Ever since that moment until i got off work, that has been staying in my mind even after i already gotten off work.

Anybody have a slight idea on why Zack told me that he is not chill with me and that he need some space? I keep thinking but I absolutely have 0 clue on what i could've done that could anger him, and it doesn't look like im going to get the answer anyway so here is a post.

I need some advice. I have had this co-worker for four years and her office is directly across from mine. I would consider her a work friend, but in the last few weeks we seem to have gotten closer. She has been coming over to my office to chat more frequently. She recently was in my office with another employee and I was looking at her while she was talking to the other person. She saw me looking at her, and she immediately got flustered and assumed something was in her teeth, but there wasn’t. She went to the bathroom to check, and she acted normal the rest of the day. She even came into my office later that day to chat.

Recently I noticed she has been walking out of her office and pause and then go back into her office. We also have been recently making eye contact more from our offices. She even recently made a joke about a sexual situation which I thought was out of character because she is normally very professional and business majority of the time.

Yesterday, I sent her a text message after work. It took her a little while to respond but she did. But when I got to work this morning, she got out of her seat and engaged me in conversation about the text message.

I have known this person for 4 years and the chemistry does seem different. There is a catch to this whole situation. We are both married. Let me know what you think.

Hey everyone,

I’ve been overthinking this for weeks and could really use some unbiased takes. I (guy, work in LA office) have developed a crush on my female coworker Sophie. She’s private, professional, and generally confident with everyone else, but her behavior toward me is a confusing mix of warm/indirect signals and cold blanks. I’m trying to figure out if she might actually like me or if I’m reading too much into it.

Key things she’s done:

• Two loud “broadcasts” of personal info: Once she randomly told a female coworker (loudly, in my earshot) that she was going bowling and listed all her hobbies. Another time, a coworker asked about her recent date right near me — Sophie said the conversation wasn’t there, it wouldn’t work out, and added “it’s back to life alone with my cat.” Her friend was smiling really wide/amused the whole time. She’s usually private, so these felt intentional.

• Proximity & special attention: She frequently orbits my desk/printer/hallway and specifically chooses me for small tasks (printer fixes, batteries, moving a cart) even when others are closer. She does this with a shy smile and downcast eyes.

• Warm private moments: Alone in the elevator she gives me a soft, genuine “home-like” smile (eyes + mouth, feels really comforting). I’ve caught her already looking at me with what feels like admiration. She chuckles at my small comments, says my name for personalized goodbyes in groups, repositions to watch me while I talk to others, and seems to notice my schedule.

• The chocolate moment: Her friend Rachel walked up with her, said “Think fast,” threw a chocolate at me. I caught it. Sophie immediately reacted with “Whoa, that’s some good reflexes. 30 points!” (playful, in front of her friend).

• Boss involvement: My boss specifically called me over to help Sophie carry supplies to her office and had an amused “I know something” look. In front of the boss, Sophie went blank/serious and tried dragging the stuff herself instead of letting me help.

The confusing part (hot/cold):

• When she’s with others (especially Rachel), she’s friendly, animated, and playful toward me.

• When it’s just us (hallways, entering a room, I’m on my computer/phone), she often blanks me completely, looks away, or doesn’t even greet me. I end up ignoring her too because it feels awkward. The blanks have slowly become less cold over time, but they still happen.

She’s confident and professional with everyone else, including other women she initially blanks but eventually warms up to. With me, the nervousness seems selective.

My doubts: I find it hard to believe she could actually like me — I’m nothing special, and the ignoring when we’re alone makes me feel invisible. Part of me wonders if the friendliness is just her maintaining a “nice to everyone” image (especially around the boss), and I’m over-reading normal coworker behavior through crush goggles. But the broadcasts, orbiting, selective warmth, playful compliment, and other people (boss + Rachel) seeming to notice/facilitate make it feel like more.

I want to take it slow and not make work weird. I’ve been giving small warm smiles and soft “Hey” even during blanks, but no deep personal comments yet.

What do you think? Is this classic shy workplace interest where she wants me to lead? Is it mostly professional + mild friendliness that I’m misinterpreting? Or something else? Any similar experiences?

Thanks for reading — appreciate any honest thoughts.

I’m 24M and have a coworker who’s 33F. At first, I didn’t think anything of her. I’m generally easygoing and friendly with everyone. We exchanged numbers for work-related stuff because I used to go to her location once a week.

Then I stopped going there for about a month, and out of nowhere she reached out and started texting me. I kept things pretty casual and didn’t really initiate much, but she kept restarting conversations and eventually suggested we should hang out sometime.

The thing is, she has a boyfriend. She also told me about their “sleep divorce” situation and made comments like “you can do anything as long as they don’t find out,” which definitely made me think she was hinting at something.

Over the next 6 months, she asked me to hang out like 5 different times. I wasn’t really interested at first, but eventually I said okay and we went out for food last weekend.

I went into it with a “whatever happens, happens” mindset and was open to seeing if there was a vibe. We actually had a really good time talking and laughing, but honestly I didn’t feel enough chemistry to push things further. She also randomly started talking about trust in relationships, so I just kept things light and focused on enjoying the food and conversation.

By the end, she kept saying things like “I had so much fun” and “we should try another restaurant next time.”

But the very next day at work, I could instantly tell she was acting different and kind of avoiding me.

Now I’m just confused about the whole thing. Why pursue me for months, ask to hang out multiple times, act super interested during the date, and then suddenly switch up afterward?

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

So I have a hybrid job. Today was a WFH day.

We clock in at 8 AM. We (my team and I) were having technical issues with the software that we use. Around 8:40, I stepped away to use the bathroom and get myself a cup of tea. I did not take my phone with me. I was having a conversation with my husband when he told me my manager was calling my phone. He has never called me prior to this. I picked up to him asking me if I'm okay. Obviously, I was confused as fuck and said "Yes...?" He then told me that one of my coworkers, let's call her Jane, messaged him, saying she's been trying to get in contact with me and couldn't reach me. While he's explaining this, I check my laptop and see messages from Jane who asked if I'm "in today" at 8:42 AM. Another message at 8:45 AM saying she's "worried" about me and if I'm okay. She also texted my cellphone. 8:46 AM her text was asking me the same question, "Hey are you in today?"

Another message at 8:51 AM, "Okay now I'm freaking out please call me back"

I had a missed call from her after the text messages and that's when she messaged the manager, had him call me, and before I got to hang up with him she was already calling me again. I finished my call with him and picked up her call and told her I'm fine and that I stepped away without my cellphone. She breathed a sigh of relief and said she thought something was wrong and that someone broke into my house??????

I just started this job 1 month ago and this whole situation happened in a span of like 10 minutes.

2 hours later she texts me asking me if I want to hang out with her later this week.

What..... the....... fuck.

I just can't get this situation out of my head.

For context I work at a dealership and my (21M) coworker is a 28M and a really nerdy guy. Very skinny, he has no confidence and is not generally attractive. He is a super nice guy and is very respectful, does not strike you as a killer at first. (You could say he is an Incel). He does have autism.

Recently he has started making EXTREMELY concerning remarks. Specifically concerning harming women in particular. He has said things like…

“I fantasize about killing my ex-girlfriend”
“You have to shave a woman’s head when you torture them because they love their hair, it’s their most prized possession”
“You have to take their fingernails off too because they love them”
“I want to cut their tits off”
“I watch a lot of BDSM” (When asked if it turns him on)
“Sometimes I fall asleep to torture porn, its soothes me”

He said a lot of this unprovoked, he just started saying it.

SOOOOOO…..

He has traded in 2 vehicles since he’s been working here. BOTH vehicles have an absolutely RANCID smell, like as if something has died and the smell is impossible to get out of the vehicle. It’s to the point where the cars are extremely difficult to sell because of the smell.

Our managers have been involved somewhat but are kind of like “well there’s not much we can really do”

We’re unsure of whether to get the police involved or not and where to go from here. When we mention it to him in a “What the fuck” kind of way he just openly talks about it and says he has a demented mind.

WHAT DO I DO???

Im a dude I have a co worker (female) who was really close (gym, lunch) together then out of nowhere blocked me and ignores me everywhere. It’s hurtful and idk what I did. We just ignore each other now and I hate it. Any advice? I’m not used to being treated this way everyone has a positive interaction with me I’m not rude or mean we never flirt or anything cause I genuinely saw her as a good homie I just don’t get how people can be so cold.

i work in the trades in mankato and i would like to go to Human resources about a coworker i work side by side with how would i go about it without anyone knowing im the one that went and told

does anybody and I mean anybody have any advice for me . my past 2 jobs including the one that fired me today don’t even have a reason to fire me they just do I don’t understand and apparently since I work in a commonwealth state that’s how it goes apparently they can just fire you without no cause no nothing they can just wake up and feel shitty and fire a mf.

I dont understand why this coworker wont stop staring at me, i just started and they act like im in their way, lowkey yelling at me about something i didnt know about. One coworker came in asking for in introduction, they stayed quiet and i introduced myself, and then they made a snarky comment afterwards. i just started this job but im tired already. They would be smiling laughing with everyone and when it comes to me there straight faced and sounding bored. Idc if someone likes me
or not but like whats with the attitude lol. They laughed in my face when i told them i needed
to ask for permission from lead to do something. I dunno. but i dread working with them now

Yesterday my (56F) coworker (50sM) literally tried to push me out of the way so he could put his lunch bag in the break room refrigerator that I opened first. He said that’s how his family functions at home. I told him he was being rude. Ugh. FFS!

For those of you who have worked with the office “mean girl” type, what usually happens to them over time?

I’m dealing with a workplace dynamic that has been really draining, and I’m trying to understand the usual arc of this kind of behavior.

There is someone I work with who seems to operate through exclusion, territorial behavior, information control, and subtle power plays. It is not just a matter of personality differences. It affects the work because coordination becomes harder than it needs to be, basic questions get treated like threats, and normal collaboration starts to feel political.

There have also been more direct issues, including tense interactions and behavior that other people seem aware of. The confusing part is that leadership appears to know there is a pattern, but the response has been pretty soft.

What makes it more confusing is that this person does not seem especially strong on actual outcomes, but they are very good at managing up. From the outside, it feels like leadership may be responding more to optics, relationships, and internal politics than to the actual impact on the work.

What has been hardest for me is that when I have tried to raise concerns appropriately, the conversation sometimes seems to shift back onto me: how I can better navigate the relationship, improve communication, or manage the dynamic. I understand that everyone has a role in workplace relationships, but it is frustrating when the person creating the pattern does not seem to receive the same level of accountability.

There is also a clique-ish element, where a few people seem to protect each other, talk around people instead of directly to them, and keep information within their own circle. Outside of this specific dynamic, I generally work well with others, which is part of why this feels so disorienting.

So I’m curious: in your experience, what usually happens with people like this?

Do they eventually get managed out once leadership sees the pattern clearly? Do they adapt when expectations become more structured? Do they lose power when their protectors leave or circumstances change? Or do organizations usually just tolerate them because dealing with it directly is uncomfortable?

I’m not looking to escalate anything right now. I’m mostly trying to understand what other people have seen happen and what signs usually indicate that the organization is actually starting to address the problem.

EDIT: I should mention that I am autistic as well.

Female 21 . I work at tesla gigafactory in Cali we have very strict policies here .I have a coworker who i’m partnered with to do certain roles at work . She comes in late each day makes up wild excuses to are boss in order to keep herself from getting attendance points .I totally understand who wouldn’t if it comes down to keeping there job , but it’s got to point where it’s becoming excessive she abusing her privileges. She recently told me that she been txting the boss to clock in her even when she still at home . Our policy is if you don’t have your badge that physically clocks you in you have to take a live photo of the time clock to prove you’re actually there . She’s even asked me before to take pictures of the clock for her but i’ve always declined . So now she gets away but just texting the boss to clock her in wich he does without even asking for a picture wich possibly could risk his job too .We both have grown close so i don’t want to get it her trouble . but when i asked her why she continues to do these things her response was “she feels God has more in store for she shouldn’t have to work , this lifestyle isn’t it “. I personally don’t respect that view of life and feel she just an abusing being a privileged employee . I also feel it should be equality at the workplace meaning everyone abide by equal rules . Don’t know how i should go about things if i should report or just worry about my damn self and move along and not consider her as potential friend.

Guys any advice or chat is helpful, also feels like a mini vent lol.

So heres what i had put up on reddit before:

So I’ve been working with my work friend for around 5 years. He’s four years older than me and is seemingly the type to never over share but will happily strike up a conversation. I have had a crush on him always but recently it’s getting stronger, nobody seems to know if he’s with someone already or has a wife etc so it’s tough to realise and I’m never one to be nosy and ask.

The things he does with me and nobody else I know for sure is:

Gives me food on shift If I’m in pain for my period he offers to do things that would help Always checks in on me Does little physical touches here and there Calls me nicknames The odd rude comment but doesn’t mean it in a bad way Glances at me

Please tell me if I’m being delusional but I need to know if this is normal or flirtatious.

** UPADTE **

So as of recent, a mutual friend of ours had decided to ask him straight up if he was single, only for him to ask “whos asking?” And then ended up wanting to know who has a crush on him. Promting them to go a bit back and fourth but alas he knew somehow it was me (our mutual friend he didnt mention my name) but (crush) said to him, “tell her to come tell me or ask me directly if she want to know”.

I was too shy and hesitant to ask especially because it was at work and i dont like to make things awkward but eventually we got kind of distant and the topic wasnt brought back up. But as of last week you could say, we got back to speaking and he even striked up a conversation himself. (Ive also found out he is infact single but likes to play the “nonchalant” guessing game)

Im open to answer anything, i dont want to push him further away, but i do want to know is this being delusional or am i thinking right?

I have a coworker been friend for years lately seems like more. With the weather changing she always wears dresses..every time she come in and chat she sits in chair facing me and always fixes her dress... but I feel like she does this to see if I look and get my reaction.

Okay, some of you may have seen my previous (now deleted post) about my coworker who is double my age (50 M, 25 F).

Now, this guy has been kind of flirtatious with me, and asked me to a one-on-one lunch. And I can’t lie, I am into him. He’s nice, he’s funny, he’s very similar to myself in many ways— but the most likely scenario is that he just enjoys flirting with the (not to be presumptuous but) hot young thing at work.

The thing is, the whole one-on-one lunch thing really gave me vibes that he might genuinely be into me. He was acting nervous when he’s usually a very social, charismatic guy. He invited me when no one else was around. He also misheard me say “so and so recommended that place” and was immediately like “so and so is coming too?” and as we were walking to our cars he went dead silent when my other coworker crossed our paths. He only confirmed that we were meeting as he drove past my car and rolled down the window.

Then, during the actual lunch, he asked me if my sister’s husband was older than her (?) and the conversation veered closer to “what are you like as a person” than “what are you like as a coworker.”

I definitely was not sure about the vibes so the day after, when he made two excuses to talk to me, I was rather cold/not open. However I turned it around and initiated conversation.

After that we’ve had numerous flirty exchanges where he will come into my room and chat, play with his hair, and avoid any actual work related topic like the plague. He called me a “good stepmother” once and then said we were like a divorced couple bc I have to move my room next year.

Also, he had a broken ankle for a while and could not stand for long periods. However, when I went to ask for an extra screw for my broken tables, he hobbled all the way across campus for a screwdriver thing and fixed all my tables for me. And winked at me or whatever.

This week I saw him clearly check me out as I walked over to him and his friend. He popped into a room I was having a meeting in to make a funny quip. He came and lingered in my classroom without even greeting me (I’m a teacher) but he just came in to talk to and inquire what my kids were doing. Then, after I told him how tired I was at the end of the day, he asked “why, did you have a date last night?” And I’ve caught him staring at me/mirroring my posture a few times.

The thing is: he does not act nearly as flirty or personal in open social contexts. For instance, in the lunchroom or at after school events.

I just have to wonder if this thing exists only in convenient passing moments, and he doesn’t care about me otherwise, or if he’s worried about the professional or personal implications of us hanging around each other in front of others.

Idk. Maybe he likes the attention. But I can’t say that I was the one to initiate all of this. And I hardly throw myself at him.

Thoughts? I’m very confused.

Update from today: danced by my classroom this morning bc we were doing a song. made the kids laugh.

Later, I was walking by his room and he said “why don’t you tell ms. ____ what you said, let’s see what she says” and had me come do a funny bit to tell off a kid.