u/Ambitious-Guard-6441

I had my preciuse little bean since i was eight n she died 2 days ago. We needed to put her down since we couldnt save her from an autoimmune disease n menangitis. I was crying yesterday all day but today i didnt, earlier i even thought i came to terms w it, but im now all alone at the livingroom n its like ghost pain when u lose a limb. I did everything w her. She was more then family or any title to describe someone close. We slept next to eachother since i was eight, she would sot on the chair next to me whenever i ate, she would be w me in the bathroom waiting for me n would like my legs. Whenever i come home she would ltrly jump w joy n i will lay on the floor n shell jump on me n lick me n just be happy w me. She was w me in my most traumatic moments n im serious when i say i was never suicidal thanks to her. I ate an apple yesterday n started crying bcz she wasnt there for me to share it. I ate a piece of cucumber n i swear i heard her walking towords me for a moment but she wasnt there. I have this urge yk to reach out for her when im in bed or when i just wait for somethin in the kitchen to go to her bed n pet her but shes not there, n i need to remind myself that shes not here. She died in my arms. N the worst part im scared that she "died alone" bcz we were w her the night before for a few hours, n we were told to leave bcz they needed to clean n when we came back she was already peacefully sleeping. But she woke up n came to us n after a few minutes we needed to leave so she could stabilize. I still remember how i needed to hold her back into the cage n how desprate she was to crawl into my arms. The next day when we came to put her down since we were told she had no hope she was already not rlly w us. She wasnt rlly reactive at all. Now i rlly like all the science stuff n biology, n i cant lie to myself that she rlly did know we were there. Can anyone help me? How do i deal w this?

I had my preciuse little bean since i was eight n she died 2 days ago. We needed to put her down since we couldnt save her from an autoimmune disease n menangitis. I was crying yesterday all day but today i didnt, earlier i even thought i came to terms w it, but im now all alone at the livingroom n its like ghost pain when u lose a limb. I did everything w her. She was more then family or any title to describe someone close. We slept next to eachother since i was eight, she would sot on the chair next to me whenever i ate, she would be w me in the bathroom waiting for me n would like my legs. Whenever i come home she would ltrly jump w joy n i will lay on the floor n shell jump on me n lick me n just be happy w me. She was w me in my most traumatic moments n im serious when i say i was never suicidal thanks to her. I ate an apple yesterday n started crying bcz she wasnt there for me to share it. I ate a piece of cucumber n i swear i heard her walking towords me for a moment but she wasnt there. I have this urge yk to reach out for her when im in bed or when i just wait for somethin in the kitchen to go to her bed n pet her but shes not there, n i need to remind myself that shes not here. She died in my arms. N the worst part im scared that she "died alone" bcz we were w her the night before for a few hours, n we were told to leave bcz they needed to clean n when we came back she was already peacefully sleeping. But she woke up n came to us n after a few minutes we needed to leave so she could stabilize. I still remember how i needed to hold her back into the cage n how desprate she was to crawl into my arms. The next day when we came to put her down since we were told she had no hope she was already not rlly w us. She wasnt rlly reactive at all. Now i rlly like all the science stuff n biology, n i cant lie to myself that she rlly did know we were there. Can anyone help me? How do i deal w this?