Why does my brother lack a certain amount of empathy even though me, my sister and him all grew up in the same house under the same conditions all our lives.
Context: my brother is 17 (a year and a half younger than me) and especially since getting past age 11 or 12, his empathy levels just haven't been the same. I think it's just that thing of losing childhood innocence and growing up but he definitely doesn't have the same sympathy/empathy levels that anyone in my house does.
He can be blatantly selfish, eg. If I ride in the middle seat in the back of the car on a super long journey, and even buy snacks for everyone including him at the pitstop, I'll be hard-pressed to get him to take his turn sitting in the middle. Or when we all play on the Playstation he talks down to me and my sister a lot, often being impatient, saying things like shut up and just getting mad. Then when I have an issue with it (my sister is very non confrontational so she never speaks up for herself) he makes ME out to be the problem and frames it as though I'm a highly emotional nearly unstable person who just can't get on with things (I was calm the entire time just asking him to tone it down and be more polite because it's not as enjoyable otherwise). Or when I buy my own food and sweets and he thinks he can have some (when I say he can't, sometimes he makes me feel greedy/guilty) but when it's the opposite way around I would absolutely be killed by him for having some of his food😅 Or there was a time my mom kept interrupting me every sentence I was starting (she's very passionate but it means she's prone to talking loudly and talking over people sometimes) and I kept asking her to stop but she didn't listen (this happened for months and eventually I broke down in tears because I couldn't say one thing and just wasn't being listened to) and my brother looked down on me for it saying I was a crybaby. He just had no sympathy. And the reason? He doesn't know what it's like to be interrupted so much because he has a deep voice. Male voices carry over female voices (my voice is unfortunately too easy to be intercepted no matter how much I project myself and believe me I've tried everything). My mother does try to interrupting him as she does when she gets passionate about a topic but it usually doesn't work on him because he has a deep voice. So to him it's like "yeah she interrupts all of us so what ..😐" when it's not remotely the same. No matter what way I explained it he just didn't believe me, I was the problem. And that's common for him. He never just believes me, he'll question everything (to the point where I actually have a running joke by calling him a lawyer when he does it) like "when was this, where was it, what exactly did you/I say" and million other things. It's never necessary. If he says something, I believe him, I don't quiz him or need him to prove it to me, but he isn't the same way and I wonder why. It's not very nice and I've explained all of that to him before but he doesn't see anything wrong. He never apologises ( I actually can apologise for stuff, so can my sister). Also he's a really funny person but whenever he does or says something mean and then makes a joke that I or anyone laughs at, he believes it takes away from whatever means thing he's done. In other words being funny absolves him from any responsibility...
I think growing up my parents parented me the most as I'm the oldest but for some reason they didn't discipline him as much compared to my experiences (he totallyyy disagrees with this, but of course he would).
More context: my sister was treated like the family gem as she's the youngest until she kind of became a brat especially when she got a phone (it turned her into a monster 💀) so then they actually hard core parented her and now she's an angel again. But none of this kind of parenting ever happened with my brother. And I feel like that's bad since in most families the boy (s) are parented more harshly usually to instill good character and hard work. Idk maybe I'm wrong.
For the record, I'm a good sister, honestly. I've always been kind and I'm not claiming to be perfect but I know without a doubt that I'm a thoughtful, caring sister (I bake, play with my siblings, to jobs for them, am kind to them, look out for them, etc). Tbh I'm probably a little bit more sensitive than the average person but I think that can be a good thing because it means I know how to be empathetic, kind and avoid being like my brother.
And it sounds like my brother's is bad, he's not but he certainly isn't perfect either. Maybe he's just what is known as "a boy's boy". Or maybe it's the testosterone as that also affects behaviour, but then again all boys have testosterone so I don't know.
What do you guys think and can you relate? I'd appreciate anyone's insight.