i hate my life
yesterday i was at a friends house after school til 6 pm because my mom wasn’t out of work yet so i was waiting for her and when calls me and tells me she’s outside. I turned to my friend and i told her, “I don’t want to go home. Everytime at home, She finds a way to fight with me.”
I sat in the car and she said “imma buy the flan today” and i said “okay..when are we going to buy groceries” and she said “later because i don’t have money right now” and i just sat there not on my phone and she says “what do you want to eat?” and i said “nothing just buy the flan” and she keeps asking and i keep responding the same way because if you don’t fucjing have money WHY would i expect you to buy food when we can wait for you to get money.
And then she wanted me to make spaghetti for dinner and i said okay cause i like that food and then my sister got in the car and my mom asked if she was hungry and then my mom pulled into a McDonald’s and asked what we wanted and i said nothing i’ll make spaghetti and she got MAD and she said i was ungrateful and the bitch started HITTING ME over 5 times and she started hitting herself and the car and screaming about how i’m so ungrateful and that i don’t deserve anything and then she said “GET OUT” multiple times screaming from the top of her lungs and saying she wanted me out of her life because i make her life harder and she started saying how i make her and my sister miserable.
and then yesterday when i was crying in my room, my mom comes in and gives me a whole lecture and REPEATS everything she told me in the car and i don’t talk or look at her. She tells me that she didn’t mean what she said and that she does want me in her life but i know that’s not true cause this is the second time she says it. When i went to new york she told me that. Her exact words were, “When you turn 18 i don’t want to talk to you. So bad i won’t even meet my grandchildren” That was in december but it stuck it me.
i didn’t even get to eat dinner last night bro. She was consistently telling me about everything she does for me and how i love to act like the victim (if you saw my last post you would know that my parents got divorced about 9 months ago, both have new partners, my mom was pregnant but then miscarried, and my dad left to another country to avoid work and to be with another woman. He told my grandma he only needed to pay a couple months for child support for me—i’m 18 in october—and 2 years for my sister.) I’m just a teenager dealing with so much and i already have body issues and anxiety so adding this just makes me feel like shit.
I have decided to never open my mouth around her so she won’t say i’m giving attitude cause that’s all i do apparently. Guess what. that didn’t work either because this morning she tried to give me money for food today (i was laying in bed dressed for school but i was facing the wall) and i didn’t talk. I just told her uh uh and she said “you are still going with this bad attitude? i don’t deserve this from you.” and she continued until she left the room. I cried this morning at 6 am.
I don’t know what to do. of course my mom doesn’t everything for me, she won’t help me register to take the test for my license or let me ride a bike or bus anywhere. She won’t even let me get a job. And I live in a city where walking is just not an option. What can i do? I don’t have a bank account or a card so i don’t have a way to work online or something.