Advice on preparing to lose Ex
Colorado.
I am not sure this is the right place for this, but here goes with our mess.
My Ex is an alcoholic, we've been separated for 2 yrs. We have 2 young children (7 yrs and 4 yrs). We do not have any official parenting/custody/child support agreement in place. However he pays for our 4 yr olds preschool and a few of the utilities, I pay for the mortgage on our jointly owned home and all the other general daily living expenses for myself and the kids. I have the kids full time. (He currently lives in the house he inherited from his parents that is fully paid. ) I could not afford to pay for both, I also could not afford to not have childcare as I would not be able to work.
The separation was caused in large part because he had an alcohol related emergency in front of me and the kids and nearly died, and then proceeded to drink in combination with the withdrawal medication he received from the hospital a few days later. Since then he has had at least 2 other alcohol related hospital stays that I am aware of. There is a DV criminal protection order in place that he has been mostly abiding by so I have not actually seen him since Jan 2025 so I dont have full visibility into the situation but it isnt seeming good.
His work called me yesterday saying that they have not been able to get a hold of him for a month and were looking for a address for a wellness check. This turned into a bit of a scare as I haven't either. While he was not dead thankfully, (His friend had to come get a key to that house from me as he was completely unresponsive) It seems it is just a matter of time, so I am feeling the need to prepare myself and our kids for that.
He has no close living relatives other than our kids (again 7yr and 4 yr) -He is an only child and we lost both his parents and his last living grandparent in 2023. I doubt very much that he actually even completely settled the estate of his parents, it wasnt complicated as estates go they had him as beneficiary/TOD on most things but there were some retirement accounts in their name that needed to be moved by some deadline last I heard, but maybe he got it done.
Our relationship is also vague from a legal standpoint. we were never officially married, but Colorado recognizes common law marriage and there is some uncertainty on where we might fall on that. I have been considering filing for a divorce to help us separate the house and get a custody agreement - but I am not sure he wouldnt contest that we were married and if he did I dont know what the outcome would be on that determination. (He does not want to sell the house, he still is telling the kids that he will be home soon and he wants to come back once the protection order is lifted, He is resistant to anything that indicates further separation). We have a join title on the house me and my kids are living in, no other join accounts. We were co-owners on a vehicle but it was totaled.
All his other assets/liabilities are either in his name or some may still be in his and his deceased parents name. As stated, I cannot afford all the household expenses for raising the kids in addition to the ones he is paying. I have no idea what his immediate financial picture is, especially given the new information that he hasn't been showing up to work. He has only a small life insurance plan from his work - maybe 8k. I tried to get him to get life insurance when our first was born, I did get a plan, but he did not.
What can I expect in terms of his passing on the autopays that are coming out of his account? on what responsibilities I will need to take on for his death? Would Intestate put the estate responsibilities on my children? or me? if my children how would I help them navigate that? Anything I can do now or try to get Him to do now that would help? (his cooperation uncertain). If he passes before fully settling his parents, what happens with that?