u/Amogasamogas

I found myself (20M) asking here recntly more and more questions, but something always felt off. I was asking about emotionally handling my crush on the first gay guy I got to befriend and so on.

Well now I'm not sure if that's what I should actually be asking about. I am quite easy going and open, so I should handle this no matter the result, but to first get there I need to tackle something else.

I thought I've come to terms with me being gay, most of my life it felt like a looming threat of being abandoned by friends, disowned etc. All of this is absolutely not true. My friends are very supportive, my family seems ignorant/indifferent and I can work with that.

I always knew it was no decision "to become", this is who I am, but even now I feel so alone in this. I don't know anyone that could relate, who I could talk to. Even when I say it out loud it feels so unconvincing. Today I even struggled to just say this, although I really wanted to give a hint to my crush I mentioned.

I don't think reddit is the place I should visit for stuff like this, but I'm on student exchange and can't book a proper appointment with psychologist.

Hi everyone, I (M20) thought venting here mught be a good idea, since I am so confused and don't really have anyone that could relate.

I'm gay, very sure about it. Found out quite a while ago, hated myself for it for a while until I came out to my closest friends, which gave me much needed reassurance. Glad I am past that self loathing, because I know many people are not as lucky.

There is another issue though. I have met maybe like 2 more gay guys in my life. Barely acquainted, never got to hang out or talk serious. Very temporary, almost incidental. I feel like there are no other gay guys around, anyone who I can relate to or better, form a relationship with.

I like meeting new people, but since I tend to get pretty attached I'm rather careful not to cause myself psychological strain or self doubt if I can't connect with them. That makes my perspective a bit narrow, since I unintentionally limit myself on actually getting to know others.

On top of that, I don't really express myself as being gay mostly due to presumed intolerance, but also I don't feel the need of expression really. As such, I fail to communicate this fact about me, which may also cause others to keep it for themselves. It's not really about fear, but the discomfort of people clearly shifting their behavior when they know.

So the main questions are, do I have to look more? where? (not grindr lol) and is my careful approach sensible or too restrictive?